Linken Park Music
Yup, this series entries is all about various songs or bands and how they affect me.
So...starting with the band that I've been listening to the longest...Linken Park.
First off...the band in general? Reminds me strongly of Forgotten Realms, more specifically the Dark Elf Trilogy, because I had this CD on repeat when I was reading it...over and over and over again. Apart from the memories? This band always makes me think of slaughtering something, or many things. This music starts, and I'm gone, I've got a sword in hand, a staff, or a couple guns. Magic powers, killing everything in sight, explosions...you name it, I've probably gone and daydreamed about it. Typically involving me with various special powers, killing people that are trying to hurt my friends, things like that. That said...on to the individual songs.
Papercut...first one in the album, and the one that also hurts the most. As I have said before, I have problems with the voice in the back of my head. This songs just makes me think of that,
To have a voice in the back of my head
It's like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
So that accurately describes it...except that its on all the fucking time, and I can't get rid of it. This song is just perfect for describing that, and I always have to stop and listen when it gets to that part, just because its so damn accurate.
To be sure, I've always felt something for Crawling. So sue me, its an emo song, but I really don't give a shit. The important lines aren't the chorus, to be sure I don't like those lines, but the rest?
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem...
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I’m convinced that there’s just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure
That part? That fits. I can't find someone good about myself when it matters, when I find that my excuses about me being a writer, hanging out with friends online and the rest start to fall through. Thats when I find myself having a breakdown, and thats when I find that I can't think or else I'll go crazy in short order. What do I mean by crazy? I mean that I find myself sobbing on my bed, unable to have a coherent line of though, my mind going from one depressing thought to the next without a method to my madness. This usually ends very badly, and its why this song reminds me of that. When my walls are closing in and I have no security to my mind. When I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror.
The next song on the list...In the End. The best memory I have of sixth grade is listening to this song, on my bed, crying over a variety of things. Mostly because I was depressed, so far gone it wasn't even funny. My friend, for reasons that I didn't understand, had told me that I had to get out of the group of his friends because they all didn't like me. Once again I was alone at school, with all my former friends having moved on, not really liking me, keeping me there as a fucking punching bag when they wanted it. I used to be a popular kid, one of the guys that everyone likes, always keeping a crowd around me at all times. Thats who I was. That was third grade. Then I had to go to a different school, and I lost it all right there over the two year span when I had one friend, and that was only because he was picked on as well because he was built. He was big, he wasn't fat, but he was big. But after that, and when I came back, I wasn't cool anymore. I didn't want to be cool. All the other popular kids who were there, all the people who used to be my friends, they didn't really like me anymore, and I latched on to another group of outcasts. But they didn't like me either, except for one guy who was my only friend throughout 6-8th grade, however many times he had to drop me from the group. But my memory of this song is that I had tried to be friends with his other friends, how I had failed, and how I was alone once again.
I'm not going to post lyrics here, but thats only because the entire song is what gets me, not just a single verse. Go look it up, its good, it describes how I feel. So when that songs gets on...I do cry a little, either on the inside or the outside.
Most of Meteora is just awesomeness, mostly because of how it all flows together. However...
Lying From You...something in that song just strikes a chord in me. Maybe its how I felt for a while, that I had to put on a mask every day and pretend that I was someone that I wasn't just to be able to talk to people. Eventually I got frightened that I was becoming the mask that I wore, the one that allowed me to be friends with people. So I took the mask off, and watched as they all distanced themselves again. So for 8th grade I continued to put that mask on, and to take it off, and to be afraid that the person I was becoming as the mask that I put on. The mask that I can put on for my friends so that they don't see who I really am. I stopped putting on that mask around my friends from high school, but I would adopt a different persona when I went to Steven's house. I became someone less caring, someone meaner, someone who was more ready to kick some ass. Someone who wasn't myself. A bit less tolerant towards homosexuals and jews maybe, just because of his fucking brother and his intolerant attitudes. I found myself laughing at jokes that weren't funny, ones that played on race and sex and religion more than I would otherwise. That is a person that I refused to let myself become.
There isn't a lyric that makes me think that, but I can just relate the whole song to that part of me, the one that wears the mask for people.
Easier to run...the only thing that I can say about this song is that there are times that I think it is easier to run, and this damn songs lyrics just fit so much. This song fits most people probably, so I'm not going to say more. Except for one part...
Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn’t have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never been a past
I think thats self explanatory.
Breaking The Habit....
Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I’m picking me apart again
You all assume
I’m safe here in my room
(unless I try to start again)
I don’t want to be the one
The battles always choose
‘Cause inside I realize
That I’m the one confused
If you can't figure out why that works for me right now, especially the part about picking myself apart, then you don't need to know. If you cannot figure out that I can destroy myself with several well placed thoughts, if you don't realize that I have done so, and will do so, if you cannot realize that I'm unable to control my mind at times, and that this can destroy me, then you don't need to know the reasons why this song fucking hurts.
The last song...was recently put up by Sekai, and I still feel the need to put it up. What I've Done.
In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no Alibi
‘Cause I’ve Drawn Regret
From the truth
Of a Thousand Lies
So let Mercy Come
And Wash Away
What I’ve Done
I'll face myself
To Cross out what I’ve Become
Erase Myself
And let Go of What I’ve done
Put to rest
What you Thought of Me
While I clean this Slate
With the Hands of Uncertainty
So let Mercy Come
And Wash Away
What I’ve Done
I'll face myself
To Cross out what I’ve Become
Erase Myself
And let Go of What I’ve done
For What I’ve Done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m Forgiving What I’ve Done!!!
I'll face myself
To Cross out what I’ve Become
Erase Myself
And let Go of What I’ve done
What I’ve Done
Forgiving What I’ve Done
This song...hurts, and I can and will cry if I listen to it. Every human has a lament, that they could change who they are, that they could be someone better. Maybe they could start anew, if only they could apologize and forgive and get forgiveness. Maybe then they could move onwards. I have done things that I am not proud of. I haven't done things that I needed to do. I am not happy with whom I am, maybe if I were someone who was more mature, maybe if I could be someone different, maybe maybe maybe. But I'm not, I'm me. Thats who I am, and thats who I'm going to have to stay.
So...starting with the band that I've been listening to the longest...Linken Park.
First off...the band in general? Reminds me strongly of Forgotten Realms, more specifically the Dark Elf Trilogy, because I had this CD on repeat when I was reading it...over and over and over again. Apart from the memories? This band always makes me think of slaughtering something, or many things. This music starts, and I'm gone, I've got a sword in hand, a staff, or a couple guns. Magic powers, killing everything in sight, explosions...you name it, I've probably gone and daydreamed about it. Typically involving me with various special powers, killing people that are trying to hurt my friends, things like that. That said...on to the individual songs.
Papercut...first one in the album, and the one that also hurts the most. As I have said before, I have problems with the voice in the back of my head. This songs just makes me think of that,
To have a voice in the back of my head
It's like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
So that accurately describes it...except that its on all the fucking time, and I can't get rid of it. This song is just perfect for describing that, and I always have to stop and listen when it gets to that part, just because its so damn accurate.
To be sure, I've always felt something for Crawling. So sue me, its an emo song, but I really don't give a shit. The important lines aren't the chorus, to be sure I don't like those lines, but the rest?
Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem...
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I’m convinced that there’s just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure
That part? That fits. I can't find someone good about myself when it matters, when I find that my excuses about me being a writer, hanging out with friends online and the rest start to fall through. Thats when I find myself having a breakdown, and thats when I find that I can't think or else I'll go crazy in short order. What do I mean by crazy? I mean that I find myself sobbing on my bed, unable to have a coherent line of though, my mind going from one depressing thought to the next without a method to my madness. This usually ends very badly, and its why this song reminds me of that. When my walls are closing in and I have no security to my mind. When I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror.
The next song on the list...In the End. The best memory I have of sixth grade is listening to this song, on my bed, crying over a variety of things. Mostly because I was depressed, so far gone it wasn't even funny. My friend, for reasons that I didn't understand, had told me that I had to get out of the group of his friends because they all didn't like me. Once again I was alone at school, with all my former friends having moved on, not really liking me, keeping me there as a fucking punching bag when they wanted it. I used to be a popular kid, one of the guys that everyone likes, always keeping a crowd around me at all times. Thats who I was. That was third grade. Then I had to go to a different school, and I lost it all right there over the two year span when I had one friend, and that was only because he was picked on as well because he was built. He was big, he wasn't fat, but he was big. But after that, and when I came back, I wasn't cool anymore. I didn't want to be cool. All the other popular kids who were there, all the people who used to be my friends, they didn't really like me anymore, and I latched on to another group of outcasts. But they didn't like me either, except for one guy who was my only friend throughout 6-8th grade, however many times he had to drop me from the group. But my memory of this song is that I had tried to be friends with his other friends, how I had failed, and how I was alone once again.
I'm not going to post lyrics here, but thats only because the entire song is what gets me, not just a single verse. Go look it up, its good, it describes how I feel. So when that songs gets on...I do cry a little, either on the inside or the outside.
Most of Meteora is just awesomeness, mostly because of how it all flows together. However...
Lying From You...something in that song just strikes a chord in me. Maybe its how I felt for a while, that I had to put on a mask every day and pretend that I was someone that I wasn't just to be able to talk to people. Eventually I got frightened that I was becoming the mask that I wore, the one that allowed me to be friends with people. So I took the mask off, and watched as they all distanced themselves again. So for 8th grade I continued to put that mask on, and to take it off, and to be afraid that the person I was becoming as the mask that I put on. The mask that I can put on for my friends so that they don't see who I really am. I stopped putting on that mask around my friends from high school, but I would adopt a different persona when I went to Steven's house. I became someone less caring, someone meaner, someone who was more ready to kick some ass. Someone who wasn't myself. A bit less tolerant towards homosexuals and jews maybe, just because of his fucking brother and his intolerant attitudes. I found myself laughing at jokes that weren't funny, ones that played on race and sex and religion more than I would otherwise. That is a person that I refused to let myself become.
There isn't a lyric that makes me think that, but I can just relate the whole song to that part of me, the one that wears the mask for people.
Easier to run...the only thing that I can say about this song is that there are times that I think it is easier to run, and this damn songs lyrics just fit so much. This song fits most people probably, so I'm not going to say more. Except for one part...
Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn’t have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never been a past
I think thats self explanatory.
Breaking The Habit....
Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I’m picking me apart again
You all assume
I’m safe here in my room
(unless I try to start again)
I don’t want to be the one
The battles always choose
‘Cause inside I realize
That I’m the one confused
If you can't figure out why that works for me right now, especially the part about picking myself apart, then you don't need to know. If you cannot figure out that I can destroy myself with several well placed thoughts, if you don't realize that I have done so, and will do so, if you cannot realize that I'm unable to control my mind at times, and that this can destroy me, then you don't need to know the reasons why this song fucking hurts.
The last song...was recently put up by Sekai, and I still feel the need to put it up. What I've Done.
In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no Alibi
‘Cause I’ve Drawn Regret
From the truth
Of a Thousand Lies
So let Mercy Come
And Wash Away
What I’ve Done
I'll face myself
To Cross out what I’ve Become
Erase Myself
And let Go of What I’ve done
Put to rest
What you Thought of Me
While I clean this Slate
With the Hands of Uncertainty
So let Mercy Come
And Wash Away
What I’ve Done
I'll face myself
To Cross out what I’ve Become
Erase Myself
And let Go of What I’ve done
For What I’ve Done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m Forgiving What I’ve Done!!!
I'll face myself
To Cross out what I’ve Become
Erase Myself
And let Go of What I’ve done
What I’ve Done
Forgiving What I’ve Done
This song...hurts, and I can and will cry if I listen to it. Every human has a lament, that they could change who they are, that they could be someone better. Maybe they could start anew, if only they could apologize and forgive and get forgiveness. Maybe then they could move onwards. I have done things that I am not proud of. I haven't done things that I needed to do. I am not happy with whom I am, maybe if I were someone who was more mature, maybe if I could be someone different, maybe maybe maybe. But I'm not, I'm me. Thats who I am, and thats who I'm going to have to stay.