what's lost is found

[takotsubo35]

I'm sick of feeling like i've done something wrong
like i'm bad

i stopped doing things that would make me feel that way
specifically for that reason

so why now

how come when i watch a tv show or movie i become a character to the point that i feel like it is I who has done something wrong
it is I who am the bad one

why can't I separate myself anymore

i'm not sure if that is a good thing or not
i'd like to think it's good and that i'm just getting more into character and learning as an actor
but i fear it's just me starting to get bad again

i can see it
getting so bored i can't stand it
wanting to drive into trees
or paint the night red

am i getting worse?
what is happening to me

though i knew once i started this journey of getting better
that it was just me pretending for myself
so maybe the facade finally wore off
maybe i got too tired to keep it up for myself

it's a hard job
never letting yourself feel anything but positive

never letting yourself feel what you actually feel so you don't get sucked back into the darkness

this is a bit unknown to me
and there is no one to whom i could confess

things were going right
so where did this go wrong

why can't i have a real conversation with a friend anymore?
bc i owe them too much from before?
bc i'm afraid of how it will make things?

where is anyone?
and why am i looking for people again
can't i just make this right with me?

do i always have to be a false sense of myself?

isn't there anyone who actually gets it

so, here i am again on my own

trying to make my own way