how troubled i can be
The star lighting and warming Earth-that-Was had disappeared for another period, but River was still awake while everyone else seemingly slept peacefully. Even on Serenity she'd had these sleepless periods, these nuits blanches, where she simply sat and watched time pass. It left its tracks, after all.
Tonight, she'd slipped on her boots as soon as she'd heard the walls settle into their own slumber, heading down the ancient staircase to the bowels of the building she'd grown adept at navigating. None of the rooms had moved yet, though she'd heard stories. She simply tried to be ready. She had a knife in her boot, and her instincts were good, given some time to re-orient herself. She'd be fine.
In a manner of speaking. As River crept through the silent ground floor, she found the door to the library unlocked. She turned into the room, no longer awed by the sheer volume of books there anymore. She couldn't help but be saddened by it. Complacency would once upon a time have cost her her life. Or Simon's. Now she could afford it.
She sat down heavily in one of the richly padded chairs, arms resting on the beautiful wood of the research tables. She hadn't seen anyone she knew today - Dean, Alice, the Doctor. Anyone. She'd caught a glimpse of the elf, but he'd been occupied with his own thoughts and cares and dreams and miseries. He'd looked very much like the captain, wandering the halls of his ship.
It hurt. She'd tried to pretend it didn't, but it did. No Simon to pet her hair and calm her thoughts. She was truly alone - even the voice in her head, the curious River/Simon hybrid telling her to calm her thoughts and focus - it was her own. She'd have been proud of herself if it hadn't ached so badly. But there was no one to commiserate with. No one except the tables and the ghosts in the air.
River couldn't help herself, and she hated herself for it. Her forehead hit the cool wood, feeling faintly relieved that she was shutting out the harsh lights. Her eyes welled with tears, and her small hands couldn't cover her whole face. She let the stray tears drip over the side like blood drops, staining the table. She doubted anyone would care.
Tonight, she'd slipped on her boots as soon as she'd heard the walls settle into their own slumber, heading down the ancient staircase to the bowels of the building she'd grown adept at navigating. None of the rooms had moved yet, though she'd heard stories. She simply tried to be ready. She had a knife in her boot, and her instincts were good, given some time to re-orient herself. She'd be fine.
In a manner of speaking. As River crept through the silent ground floor, she found the door to the library unlocked. She turned into the room, no longer awed by the sheer volume of books there anymore. She couldn't help but be saddened by it. Complacency would once upon a time have cost her her life. Or Simon's. Now she could afford it.
She sat down heavily in one of the richly padded chairs, arms resting on the beautiful wood of the research tables. She hadn't seen anyone she knew today - Dean, Alice, the Doctor. Anyone. She'd caught a glimpse of the elf, but he'd been occupied with his own thoughts and cares and dreams and miseries. He'd looked very much like the captain, wandering the halls of his ship.
It hurt. She'd tried to pretend it didn't, but it did. No Simon to pet her hair and calm her thoughts. She was truly alone - even the voice in her head, the curious River/Simon hybrid telling her to calm her thoughts and focus - it was her own. She'd have been proud of herself if it hadn't ached so badly. But there was no one to commiserate with. No one except the tables and the ghosts in the air.
River couldn't help herself, and she hated herself for it. Her forehead hit the cool wood, feeling faintly relieved that she was shutting out the harsh lights. Her eyes welled with tears, and her small hands couldn't cover her whole face. She let the stray tears drip over the side like blood drops, staining the table. She doubted anyone would care.