(no subject)
Man, it's been FOREVER since I updadted this crap.
Hopefully long enough that no one really reads it anymore.
It's just one of those things where you really don't want everyone reading it, just you need to transfer things from mere thoughts to real words. I reflect on a lot of things I write, and that's why I do it.
Lately I've felt really empty. Not the kinda of lonliness that you get when you haven't seen a friend in a while, or haven't had a realtionship in a month or two, the kind where you feel completely alone. I don't really feel like I'm the most important person in anyone's life, and most of the time I feel unwanted. My self-confidence is in the gutter, though I really don't show it. Wow, this all sounds so cliche, I haven't even realized it until now. Not like it makes any of my feelings less poignant, it just doesn't feel like they belong to me. It seems like I'm trying to write my life story by ripping apart other people's and sloppily pasting it in. I always was horrible at using glue, I could never appropriate the correct amount to use. It seems like I'm like that in a lot of aspects in life, where it's seemingly all or nothing. I don't like taking the middle ground, ever. In arguements, in emotions, in perceptions. Someone hates me, or loves me. I really like someone, or can't stand them. I wish I could just see things in increments, but
I really hate breaking my train of thought when doing anything, but it's time to work on my homework, I just noticed the time. I'll try my hardest to pick up with this tomorrow.
Hopefully long enough that no one really reads it anymore.
It's just one of those things where you really don't want everyone reading it, just you need to transfer things from mere thoughts to real words. I reflect on a lot of things I write, and that's why I do it.
Lately I've felt really empty. Not the kinda of lonliness that you get when you haven't seen a friend in a while, or haven't had a realtionship in a month or two, the kind where you feel completely alone. I don't really feel like I'm the most important person in anyone's life, and most of the time I feel unwanted. My self-confidence is in the gutter, though I really don't show it. Wow, this all sounds so cliche, I haven't even realized it until now. Not like it makes any of my feelings less poignant, it just doesn't feel like they belong to me. It seems like I'm trying to write my life story by ripping apart other people's and sloppily pasting it in. I always was horrible at using glue, I could never appropriate the correct amount to use. It seems like I'm like that in a lot of aspects in life, where it's seemingly all or nothing. I don't like taking the middle ground, ever. In arguements, in emotions, in perceptions. Someone hates me, or loves me. I really like someone, or can't stand them. I wish I could just see things in increments, but
I really hate breaking my train of thought when doing anything, but it's time to work on my homework, I just noticed the time. I'll try my hardest to pick up with this tomorrow.