january
this month is bitter and endless.
as the first days rustled by, my philosphy rested on the procress of covering up lost thoughts- forgeting about troubled subjects. new new new. a fresh start! aye, but within the second week my early ambitions fell cold away. i have been working very hard lately, and i used this as a poor excuse to act foolish in more ways than one. another month which has managed to put me back in the familiar state from several ago. my feelings are messy, rushed, and missed. time is insignificant. the rest of the month played out like a favorite cd with a hundred worn scratches, you want it to run smooth so badly but all the best parts are fucked up, just adding more confusion. at the close of january i am full of a somewhat contented feeling, ready to dive head first into the coming months. i do not have the incentive to create a traditional flow for the rest of the things i want to mention. soooo here is a complicated list. call it a stream of consciousness:
- i am in the middle of reading an insanely good book, the first one in a while, called "a heartbreaking work of staggering genius". i'll let you know how it goes.
- i still know how to talk the same talk, even better.
- i have learned how to appreciate silence.
- i love when the snow is falling, but i hate the ugly slush aftermath.
- i enjoy the mornings when i can wake up to the sunny sky dancing with my bedroom blinds. they bounce and reflect and what comes through to my eyesight is mesmerizing. those so called "mornings" where i have slept well over 11 hours, but still i want to lay there. i have woken up from pleasant dreams but that is always a problem. moving is not an option because the light is almost white, and it is washing away all of my uncertainty. that kind of beauty doesn't happen often.
- i wonder where lost things go, both objects and hopes.
- what a fancy thought it is that i recognize every inch of this house so well that i can do almost anything i need to in the dark.
- i love my fraaaand(s?)
i'm doing fine thanks!
as the first days rustled by, my philosphy rested on the procress of covering up lost thoughts- forgeting about troubled subjects. new new new. a fresh start! aye, but within the second week my early ambitions fell cold away. i have been working very hard lately, and i used this as a poor excuse to act foolish in more ways than one. another month which has managed to put me back in the familiar state from several ago. my feelings are messy, rushed, and missed. time is insignificant. the rest of the month played out like a favorite cd with a hundred worn scratches, you want it to run smooth so badly but all the best parts are fucked up, just adding more confusion. at the close of january i am full of a somewhat contented feeling, ready to dive head first into the coming months. i do not have the incentive to create a traditional flow for the rest of the things i want to mention. soooo here is a complicated list. call it a stream of consciousness:
- i am in the middle of reading an insanely good book, the first one in a while, called "a heartbreaking work of staggering genius". i'll let you know how it goes.
- i still know how to talk the same talk, even better.
- i have learned how to appreciate silence.
- i love when the snow is falling, but i hate the ugly slush aftermath.
- i enjoy the mornings when i can wake up to the sunny sky dancing with my bedroom blinds. they bounce and reflect and what comes through to my eyesight is mesmerizing. those so called "mornings" where i have slept well over 11 hours, but still i want to lay there. i have woken up from pleasant dreams but that is always a problem. moving is not an option because the light is almost white, and it is washing away all of my uncertainty. that kind of beauty doesn't happen often.
- i wonder where lost things go, both objects and hopes.
- what a fancy thought it is that i recognize every inch of this house so well that i can do almost anything i need to in the dark.
- i love my fraaaand(s?)
i'm doing fine thanks!