(no subject)
Can't believe tomorrow marks a year. Can't believe how much i still miss you, how quickly I lose it when someone randomly asks about you or how I am doing. I still cry at night thinking about you- though not as often.
I feel guilty sometimes that I am not holding up my part of the deal that I am still not talking to you as often as you'd like, but I still try.
Sometimes when I go to visit your grave I barely recognize you there. It is almost as if you are not there, at least that's how it is for me. Like I go to see the headstone and tend the garden I made for you. I don't go there to visit you because you are not there, not in the ground at least. You are with me every day, I know that for sure. So Please don't be offended when I give no moment of silence, when I don't look down and say hi dad, because I know you are instead standing beside and waiting to get back in the car with me.
There is still so much I can't do or don't want to do because you aren't hear. I am so afraid to have a baby- and you not be here to see it. While I am comforted by the fact that I know you are up there with all our children as we speak- I just wish I could have seen you with them. Seen you hold and play with my baby.
Just random thoughts.
I love you!!!
I feel guilty sometimes that I am not holding up my part of the deal that I am still not talking to you as often as you'd like, but I still try.
Sometimes when I go to visit your grave I barely recognize you there. It is almost as if you are not there, at least that's how it is for me. Like I go to see the headstone and tend the garden I made for you. I don't go there to visit you because you are not there, not in the ground at least. You are with me every day, I know that for sure. So Please don't be offended when I give no moment of silence, when I don't look down and say hi dad, because I know you are instead standing beside and waiting to get back in the car with me.
There is still so much I can't do or don't want to do because you aren't hear. I am so afraid to have a baby- and you not be here to see it. While I am comforted by the fact that I know you are up there with all our children as we speak- I just wish I could have seen you with them. Seen you hold and play with my baby.
Just random thoughts.
I love you!!!