To Protect the Balance Chapter 4: 'A Soul in Conflict'
Well the next chapter is ready. I hope you enjoy it. This chapter brings in more of the players in out drama. Soon the stage will be set and all the pieces in place. Thank you for your feed back!
Vitraya Ramunong: Tree of Souls.
Title: To Protect the Balance
Chapter 4: A Soul in Conflict
Author: takhen
Beta: purpledodah
Genre: Avatar (2009)
Pairings: OCxOC, JakexNeytiri
Rating: NC-17 (Future)
Disclaimer: I do not own ‘Avatar’, and do not make any money from this story . It is solely intended for my enjoyment and shared with others to satisfy their curiosity.
Warnings: Slash M/M, OC, Char Death (Not Mains), Xeno, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, and what nots. Just covering the bases here.Oh and in the future (blush) Sex.
Summary: Neytiri:: “Our Great Mother does not take sides. She protects only the balance of life”. In the days following the war the losses to the Na'vi had yet to be felt. The balance was destroyed and the lives of everyone would never be the same. Drawn into this uncertain future two young men, one Na’vi, the other Human are brought together to discover that they are not so different after all. Pain, suffering and loss are the great equalizer. Can they heal the wounds that each carry, and in learning can they heals the wounds of a world? Will they find the strength and courage to stand and be counted despite deep seeded fears and mistrust? Even with the help of Ewya can they learn then teach others how to protect the balance of life?
Mo’at stood up and stepped back, Shock on her face.
“His Pa arikoe’?” she gasped. “His Pa arikoe’! How. Why? Why was he not here with him?”
me’Pa arik(1) were rare among the Na’vi. There were maybe one pair born in every 10 generations. Always identical, and never separated. It was unthinkable. me’Pa arik were precious to the People. They were both blessed and cursed by Eywa. Said each be born with only half of a complete soul. The Pa arik having the other half. They lived together their entire lives. One the hunter-provider. The other always the clans Ol’ Karyusi Fpi oe’tirolaen(2), and very often the clans Fyawìntxu tì Oe’tirea(3). If they mated, they were always mated to the same person. Many times they choose to become mated to each other when for some reason either they could not agree or the potential mate had difficulty being with one of the “Half Souled”. They were protected, almost revered by some. But they were never separated. Never. It was not unusual if one died that the other would take their own life. It was not considered suicide which was unheard of among the Na’vi for how could one live with only half their soul in this world, and the other half within Eywa.
Sänume started to speak when Mo’at’s face turned even paler.
“He goes to the Nair Terkup?(4)” she whispered, “Alone?” before she realized that she had spoken thus to the Thsiak of another clan. Mo’ats ears lowered in shame. “Sister, I spoke without thinking. Forgive me it is not my place to…”
Sänume waved her hand, “No. I understand what you must think, feel. It is hard to understand and even harder to explain, but I will try.”
Mo’at shook her head kneeling next to Sänume. “You have no need”, but again her words were waved away.
“It is right that I tell you. We are at your Vitraya Ramunong and,” She paused for a long moment. “it will help me to speak of it.” Mo’at just nodded.
Sänume took a deep breath and seemed to gather herself. She had wanted to talk to someone about the two boys for longer than she realized, but had been afraid to with anyone from her own clan. She was actually grateful to Mo’at, it was just that she never imagined it would be under these circumstances. War with the Tawtute(5). War! War, with people from another world. People that wanted to destroy the heart of the Omaticaya. She wanted to scream, to cry, fight, to rail at the Sky Peoples Eywa for ever allowing them to be born. Realizing she was trying to hide from her story she slowly raised her head closing her eyes for a long moment.
Looking at Mo’at she seemed to struggle trying to find the words. Where to start? Finally she nodded her head.
“First do not worry that Ne’Vanya has gone to the Nair Terkup. Until Cha’ro’s body is found and the proper ceremonies are performed he will not start the Nair Terkup.” Her eyes seemed to shift away for a moment, and her ears lowered. “Even then I am not so sure that he will do the Nair Terkup.”
Sänume paused to look at Mo’at to see how she would react to hearing that. Mo’at’s face showed the confused look she expected and her ears flicked forward and back as she tried to take in what she was being told.
Sänume sighed and started speaking again.
“Ne’Vanya and Cha’ro were not as we were told me’Pa arik would be. They seemed to differ in some subtle, and in some very major ways from what the teachings tell us.” Rubbing her eyes she continued. “The first difference was just how opposite they were in many ways. Not in looks, but in how they saw the world. Ne’Vanya was kind, thoughtful, and intelligent. He seemed to embody all the positive traits of the People.” She gave a sad smile, but then her face became almost hard. “Cha’ro was brash, out spoken, some would even say rude. He was also sometimes cruel to those around him. He loved the moment of the kill in the hunt more than a hunter should. He often laughed at the pain of others and was very quick to anger.”
Around them the others went about their appointed duties. She saw some looking at her and the Tsahik from the Omaticaya. She gave them a weary smile and concentrated on what she was telling Mo’at.
She shook her head as if to rid it of a bad memory and continued. “He was respected as a Warrior and Hunter. His skill was unmatched by any other in the clan. This should have earned him many admirers; instead he seemed to instill fear more than friendship, and” She paused for a second, “he seemed to want it that way.” Afraid to see what might be showing in Mo’ats’ eyes she went on. “The only person he didn’t push away was Ashico. She thought he could do no wrong, and Cha’ro decided that she was to be their mate. Ashico was pleased when he announced it, but Ne’Vanya was not.”
Her ears lowered at the memory. “It was learned later that Cha’ro had not discussed it with his brother instead he told Ne’Vanya that he had no choice in the matter. To say the least Ne’Vanya was not happy, but he accepted it as he had always accepted any major decision the Cha’ro made in their lives. Ashico just seemed amused at Ne’Vanyas’ reaction. Ashico, sadly it seems is very much like Cha’ro in too many ways. She has always dismissed Ne’Vanya as being the weaker of the pair.”
Sänumes’ ears flicked back as she heard Mo’ats’ quiet hiss. Mo’at listened to Sänume with a growing disquiet. To control another even if that other was your Pa arik was not healthy. Her posture must have shown some of her thoughts because Sänume nodded. “I see you begin to understand” Mo’at nodded.
Sänume just sighed as she continued her tale. “When Toruk Makto came to ask the Olo’ Pa’li to help fight the Tawtute, Cha’ro was the first to step forward, even before the Olo’eyctan spoke.” She heard a low growl.
Mo’at looked almost angry at hearing this, but said nothing.
“Akwey(6) was not pleased” Sänume said with a grimace. “We have as yet decided on who will be the next Olo’eyctan.” She knew that in some clans where the Tsahik was not female the son of the Olo’eyctan would be the next leader. But when the next Tsahik was female the next Olo’eyctan was decided by the current one and his mate the clans Tsahik.
“I’m sure that Cha’ro believed himself to be the best choice.” She said. “After all he was the best hunter, best fighter among the Olo’ Pa’li (7). Even Akwey had told him that.” Her eyes grew hard and she almost snarled. “But! Neither Akwey or I ever gave him any impression that he was our choice to lead the clan once Akwey goes to be with Eywa. Besides Tien té ,my daughter would never consent to bonding with Cha’ro.” She said thru clenched teeth.
She paused waiting to see of Mo’at would say anything, but she remained silent.
“ If anything,” she continued, “because of the way others looked at Cha’ro with fear, and his treatment of Ne’Vanya we had both decided he would never be chosen to lead. Eywa would never bless his leadership. We could only see disaster if such a man was given power over others.”
Mo’at cleared her throat. “But the Tsahik and Olo’eyctan always become mated and leaders of the.. ” She stopped suddenly realizing that even for the Omaticaya this was not always true. Had not Jake and Neytiri mated even though Tus’tey was to lead after Eytucan? She shook her head and motioned the younger Tsahik to continue.
“I know in your clan that the Tsahik and the Olo’eyctan are always mated and lead the clan together, but it is not always so with ours.” Sänume said. “We were waiting to see who it would be that would warm my daughters heart, and believed that he would also be Eywa choice. Just not Cha’ro!” Without realizing it Sänume had her ears laid flat and her tail was lashing in agitation.
Others around there were looking at the two Tsahik and growing nervous at Sänume’s outburst.
“Mawey Na’vi’a, mawey(8)” Sänume waved them back. “It is ok. Go. Do what needs doing” She motioned the people back that were coming towards them.
“When Awkey and I agreed to join your fight against the Sky People” She placed her hand on e Mo’ats arm a gave her a supportive smile. “again Cha’ro put himself before all others insisting that he be the one to lead the Olo’ Pa’li.” Grim faced she said, “It was obvious in his posture and the tone of his voice that he did not think Awkey up to the task.”
Mo’at almost spoke out, but knew it was not her place to say anything. She was not a member of the Olo’ Pa’li. She had not been there, so wisely or not kept silent and listened. After all Jake had in a moment of frustration called her the Dragon Lady, and she had come to see through his eyes that maybe, just maybe he might have a point. A very minor point she was sure, but a point never the less. Her eyes softened for a moment at the memory. Sänume made a small sound and Mo’at turned her attention back to her.
“Forgive me. You must think me” She looked embarrassed at Sänume, “rude or uncaring. Even at this terrible time memories can distract us from what is important right now. I’m sorry I did not mean to make you think your words were being taken lightly. They are not.” She said.
Sänume just nodded. “I understand. Please, I didn’t think that. You have been nothing but supportive.” She gave Mo’at a small smile (even if there was pain in that smile). “Happy memories are one of the things that we are blessed with by Eywa. Happy memories are more important at times like this.”
Mo’at smiled back at her. “Thank you sister. You are right, we will need every bit of happiness we can remember in the days to come. Please continue. What happened next? I would like to hear all if you think it will do good”.
Sänume nodded and continued. “Awkey just glared at Cha’ro and told him to step back with the rest of the clan to his proper place. The look on Cha’ro’s face was not a pleasant one. He gestured to me and to Toruk Makto to walk a bit apart, then apologized to your JakeSully for our clans rudeness.” She gave Mo’at a brief smile. “Your JakeSully is a good man, and leader. He acted as if nothing untoward had happened.”
Mo’at wasn’t sure if that was the case, or if Jake just didn’t understand how much of an insult it could have been. She decided not to say anything to Sänume, and just smiled.
“After Toruk Makto left to gather more clans” she continued, “Awkey and I spoke at length. It was decided that Cha’ro would not come, but instead would be left behind to help protect the clan. More importantly it had not been thought that Ne’Vanya would be coming with us. For one thing he is to complete his training within the next couple of days as Ol’ Karyus’en. His Father, Cajeiri our current Ol’ Karyus’en had not wanted to interrupt him at the final stage.” She noticed a flash of something on Mo’at’s face, but decided not to say anything. “Instead Cajeiri wanted Rhalina to go instead. She had finished her training a few moons ago and was now the clans second Ol’ Karyusé”.
Sänume could not keep a hint of pride out of her voice. Having two clan singers was not that unusual, but to have three was almost an unheard of blessing. The skills required to be Ol’ Karyusi were great, and once someone was found with the abilities their training took years. Mastery took a lifetime. They were as important to a clans as the Tsahik. While the Tsahik was responsible for the Spiritual life of the clan, and for understanding what Eywas’ will was for them, the Ol’ Karyusi were the keepers of a clans history. It was through their songs that children learned what it was to be not only Na’vi, but Olo’ Pa’li as well. Having two meant that not only could the teaching be done easier and faster, but that the clan also had someone to go to during the time set aside for teaching for instruction and guidance. Very often the Ol’ Karyusi was also the emotional guide. They kept individual Na’vi in balance during time of grief or stress. Having a third made the Olo’ Pa’li the envy of every other clan.
Sänume couldn’t keep the pride out of her voice as she knew that Mo’at would realize this. Mo’ats’ reaction was not what Sänume expected. It was not envy she saw, but a deep sadness as tears gathered at the corner of Mo’ats eyes.
“Sister. What is wrong?” she asked deeply troubled. She did not think that hearing about Cha’ro could have affected Mo’at in that way.
Mo’at tried to gather her flagging emotions. It was not right for her to lay her burden on the other woman. Sänume had enough to deal with at the moment. She just shook her head. “It is..” she paused seeming to recover from whatever it had been “now is not the time for my.. No. Please tell me what happened with Ne’Vanya. That is what is important now.”
Sänume hesitated a moment, but decided that if Mo’at did not feel comfortable telling her what had caused such sadness, then it was not right for her to press the grieving woman to satisfy her curiosity.
“Ah… I…yes.” She paused again as the urge to try to get Mo’at to open up almost over came her common sense along with her sense of duty to courtesy. “Cajeiri actually wanted to come himself, but his age and failing body would have made the trip difficult, and with Ne’Vanya ready to complete his training it would not have been the right thing to do. Awkey and I completely agreed. We also worried that such a trip would be too hard on him and we could not allow him to be in such danger.” She watched Mo’at to see her reaction still trying to understand what had caused her earlier reaction. Mo’at only showed concern for her words.
Sänume paused a moment then continued. “When Cha’ro heard that he was to be left behind he came to talk to Awkey.” She snorted. “Though talk is too weak a word”. Never have I heard a clansman take that tone with Awkey. He told him that Ne’Vanya’s training was unimportant. He was the best warrior and as such deserved to lead the Olo’ Pa’li. He said it was an insult to be left behind protecting old women, children and those too weak to fight. A singer was more important? Said to just leave “ the little Sniveler” at home where it was safe. Ne’Vanya would be useless anyway.” She watched as Mo’ats eyes grew wider and her tail was held ridged with just the end quivering. She expected Mo’at to say something, but the other woman just sat silent waiting.
“It is the first time I have ever seen Awkey speechless. I could feel the anger pouring off of him. It was almost a living thing, and.. I think I was a bit afraid of my mate for the first time in my life. Awkey exploded. He looked at Cha’ro in disbelief. Asking how he could even consider leaving his Pa arik? They were never separated in such a way! Never! How could he say such things about his brother? Had he even talked to Ne’Vanya? Cha’ro just sniffed, and asked why should he? His brother’s wishes didn’t matter. He was unimportant. Ne’Vanya would do what every Cha’ro told him to, so why talk to him.” Sänume voice had grown very soft. The shame of what she had just said to an outsider hitting her like a striking Palulukan(9). She reluctantly looked at Mo’at but there was no condemnation it the kind face looking back at her.
Mo’at was shaken. For the Tsahik of another clan to admit something that private was a sign of just how distressed the other woman was. The last thing Mo’at wanted was for Sänume to be uncomfortable. Mo’at did not want to add to the sadness that weighed the younger woman down. The pain of knowing what had happened to Ne’vanya was more than she could comprehend, and to have a Pa arik as the person who caused that pain to Sänume and Ne’Vanya was paramount to sacrilege. me’Pa arik were supposed to be blessed. They were supposed to bring joy and pride not sadness and shame. It was believed that Eywa only allowed me’Pa arik to be born into a worthy clan.
Mo’ats heart broke a little more. “Sister, look at me. Please. You do me great honor in trusting me with this. There is no shame. It is I that should be ashamed for pushing your questions of me aside. I am grateful that you feel you can tell me these things. Please let me help you bear this burden. You have born it alone for too long.” She took the distraught woman’s hand. “Eywa has brought you to me. You must know this.” She hoped that Sänume believed in the truth of her words.
Sänume let the tension leave her body. It was an unexpected gift that Mo’at offered and, in truth she was grateful. Mo’at was right. Eywa must have brought them together. She did notice however that the older woman still had not said what was troubling her. But now was not the time to remind her of that.
“Think no more on it. You were saying how Awkey and Cha’ro were discussing the decision for them not to come.” Mo’at gently encouraged her to continue.
Sänume took a deep breath. “Awkey stood there for a moment not saying anything. I think.. I think he couldn’t believe what Cha’ro was saying. He started to say something but Cha’ro interrupted him again distain thick in his voice, and said “Fine. That if he was not to lead the warriors he would accept the decision of his Olo’eyctan. But he was not going to be left behind. He would come on his own if necessary.” I saw the look in Cha’ros’ eyes and what I saw struck me to the core of my soul. I saw blood and desire for violence, and I saw something I have no words for. I felt fear.” She shuddered looking back, seeing those eyes again in her mind. “I touched Awkey to get his attention. He looked at me and I just shook my head indicating that we would talk about this when we were alone. Askey turned back to Cha’ro and told him to leave. I believe it took all his strength not to strike him down.” She was silent for so long that Mo’at thought that she had either finished or was unable to go on. Just as she was about to say something Sänume continued.
“I don’t know what was said to Ne’Vanya or to Cajeiri or Rhalina. The next morning Cajeiri came to us and said that Rhalina was ill and could not leave her dwelling, that she would not be well enough to travel when it came time for the clan to leave.” He would not look me in the eye and when I asked if Rhalina needed me to check on he, he shook his head and then said that it was not needed. He then said that Ne’Vanya had come to him, had heard that Rhalina was was not well, and said he would go in her place.”
I could tell that Cajeiri was close to tears, but with his training it was a thing he could hide well from most people. I think I also saw fear in his eyes as well.
Taking a breath she continued. “He told us that Ne’Vanya said he could always complete his training as soon as they returned. It was too important to a clan, especially one going to war to go without an Ol’ Karyusi there to bond with Eywa, to witness this thing through her and to remember so that future Olo’ Pa’li would know and learn from what was to happen. No clan would be a part of something so life changing to the People and not have a singer there to sing what would happen into the future.” Before Awkey or I could say anything Cajeiri excused himself wanting to check on Rhalina and left. “There was no time to argue. The clan was making ready to leave at first light.” Sänume’s head was bowed and her ears were laying flat against her head, tears in her eyes as she spoke. “There was just not enough time.”
Mo’at pulled the young woman into a comforting hug. At the moment she could not think of what to say.
Sänume cried for a few minutes and then pulled herself together. “During the ride here it came to our attention that Cha’ro was saying that Awkey had grown weak and feeble. That his mind was not sharp enough to lead the warriors into a battle like this. He said he was too soft and did not have a warrior’s spirit if he believed that Cha’ro was not the right one to lead the fight.” She looked down at her hands, then “I don’t know if Awkey confronted Cha’ro about the words being said. I don’t think there was time before the battle started.” She looked up and Mo’at saw fear in her eyes. “I will not stop worrying until the fight is over and Awkey returns to me.” She hung her head and closed her eyes, tears running down her cheeks.
For a long time Sänume was silent just looking down and crying quietly. Mo’at thought that she had finished, but at the moment she was at a loss for words. What could she say to this? She had no experience with what had gone on within the Olo’ Pa’li. Most of what she had heard went against everything she was brought up to believe in. What she knew of the People and their ways. Just as she was about to say something Sänume started talking again.
“I think I know why Eywa created Ne’Vanya as Pa arik to Cha’ro. I think that the soul of Cha’ro was…” She seemed to be searching for the right word. “damaged… in some way, broken. Eywa knew that without Ne’vanya… when the time came for his soul to enter the world, that if there was not a… balance..” She struggled to put into words what had before only been a feeling. “something terrible, worse than what has happened would have come to be”. She sighed. Sometimes it was so very hard to know what Eywa wants. To grasp the larger picture, and allow Eywa to work towards a result no one but she can see.
“I understand how you feel.” Mo’at said in a quite voice. “It is hard to know the will of Eywa when things make no sense. It is hard to believe that she knows what is best when horrible things happen.”
Mo’at paused as if wondering if she should explain further. She felt a stab of guilt at her pettiness and pride. Sänume deserved better from her after opening her heart. “When we believed that JakeSully had betrayed us to the Sky People I did not believe that the signs Eywa had shown us were true. How could she choose him? One of the demons that had destroyed so much that was dear to me? Eytukan, my mate, the leader of my people dead. For what? The loss of our Ol’ Karyusé with none to replace her. The loss of so many of my People. My home destroyed. The Omaticaya now homeless and fighting for not only our lives, but the voices of our ancestors, voices who spoke to us through the Tree of Souls and to some extent of the voice Eywa as well.” Tears now falling non-stop.
Mo’at continued to cry and then spoke softly “I was, am angry! Angry at Eywa. How could she allow this to happen?”
Sänume started to speak but Mo’at waved her hand. “I know. Eywa does not take sides. She only protects the balance of life.” Mo’at had a bitter sound to her voice. “What balance?” Surprised at the bitterness in her own voice. “How will we ever recover with the loss of so much? So many of the Omaticaya dead, and more dying as we sit here waiting for this to end. How do I keep my faith in Eywa in light of everything that has happened? What still may happen? How much more loss can I be expected to hold and not break?” Mo’at fell silent. Only the tears continued to flow.
Mo’ats voice had gotten quieter and more pain filled until all Sänume could hear was the heart of this remarkable woman on the verge of shattering. This woman, who had just now let her pour out her own pain and offered comfort taking it in and sharing it, making her pain less. She realized now what had caused Mo’ats earlier reaction and felt shame at her proud boast of three clan singers. Yes she knew that some of her people would die fighting the Sky People today. She knew it was possible her own Awkey, her life mate might be dead somewhere out there. Killed in the fighting, or and she had to swallow hard as the fear rose in her heart… or maybe at the hands of one of her own People. Even with the inevitable death of some of her people and possibly even her mate she still had her home. It had not been torn asunder in front of her eyes. They still had their clan singers, and weaver and artists. All of the Olo’ Pa’li, friends, family, that made her clan more than just a place, the people that made it home. She wondered if her faith in Eywa could stand the type of losses that Mo’at and the Omaticaya had lived through. She thought of Ne’Vanya and wondered briefly where he was, what he was doing. She pushed that thought aside for the moment. Mo’at needed her more than the grieving me’Pa arik. She would find him soon and do what she could for him.
She had some idea how the Olo’ Pa’li might help, but that was for another time. Until then she gathered the fragile woman into her arms and held her as she cried. She sent a prayer to Eywa, thanking her for bringing this incredible woman into her life. She prayed that Eywa would find a way to help her and her people out of this dark day into the light of a brighter future. But mostly she just prayed, prayed and cried.
Reference:
1. Pa arik: Twin. Na’vi translates to “Half Soul”. me’Pa arik (Plural), Pa arikoe (-oe Masculine gender)
2. Ol’ Karyusi Fpi oe’tirolaen: Singer of the Past. Clan Historian. (Ol’ Karyus’en ( - en Masculine. - é. Feminine. Ol’ Karyusi - i, Non-gender Singular)
3. Fyawìntxu tì Oe’tirea: Translates as Spirit of Guide. Closest human equivalent would be councilor. They help maintain the emotional balance of the tribe and each individual.
4. Nair Terkup: “The Death Watch” The Na’vi have no word or concept of suicide. Compared to the human tradition of a Wake. When asked if a Pa arik (Twin) goes to the Nair Terkup alone there meaning changes to “Death
of the Watcher”
5. Tawtute: Na’vi for Humans. Translates as “Sky People”
6. Akwey: Olo'eyktan, Clan leader of the Olo’ Pa’il
7. Olo’ Pa’li: Name of the Horse Clan of the Planes.
8. Mawey Na’vi’a, mawey: “Calm down People, Be Calm” Closest translation would be “Patience guys, patience”
9. Palulukan: Thanator (human). Apex land predator. It fears nothing. Even the Na’vi who are hunters without pier fear this on the ground as much as they fear Toruk in the air. So great is that ingrained fear that there are no songs
sung about it. They are impossibly hard to kill.
TBC