Fic : Cusnuddling (Pinto, R) Part 2
Title : Cusnuddling or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love Myself Part Two
Author : takhallus
Pairing : Pinto
Rating : R for allusions
Word Count : 5668 total
Notes : for medea_fic who won me in Help Pakistan and asked for cuddling
“You need to relax.”
“I thought that was your job.”
“You’re as stiff as a board, breathe.”
“Can I please take my pants off?”
Zach sighed. “Sure, as long as you have underwear on.”
I rolled my eyes so he could see and pulled off my khakis, trying to angle my erection away from Zach’s judgy eyes. I was nervous about this more than I had been about the finger food, or the game we played where every time I said something bad about myself he took a step away from me. We had ended up snuggling on the couch while he listed twenty awesome things about me, and although that was a little uncomfortable for me it sounded like a cake walk compared to the current situation.
I don’t like my skin. It’s pitted,scarred, marked and uneven. You don’t notice it as much on my face but on my back it’s terrible and I haven’t managed to fix it because a skin peel sounds worse than actually having to check out my zits in the mirror every morning. So now the guy I have a huge crush on, the one guy who I might consider letting my guard down for, is going to see me without my clothes on and he’s going to be disgusted.
I laid out on my stomach which was clenching with the shame, and felt Zach pull a blanket over my lower half and straddle me. I ground my erection into the bed and tried to breathe, still hugely self-conscious about the scars.
“Your skin’s lovely.” Zach’s hands were warm and flat on my back but a chill went through me.
How I wish he hadn’t said that. He was a liar, my perfect guy. He was placating me because he had to say something. It was so bad that he was forced into saying something. I took a breath. “You don’t have to say that, I know I’m a mess back there. I had really bad acne for years.”
“You can barely see any scars, and your skin is really soft.” Zach’s thumbs pressed into the nape of my neck and started to move in circles,soothing tight muscles and forcing the stress from my shoulders.
“Mmm, yr gd at ths.” I mumbled, trying not to get pissy. I focused on the tiny, deliberate movements of Zach’s fingers, imagined all of the man’s attention on me and me alone. This beautiful, sexy, intelligent guy, a PhD student who could be a model, staring down at me and concentrating so hard on giving me pleasure. Okay, so maybe the erection was back.
Zach’s hands moved lower, running a hot line down my spine and making me moan. I felt Zach’s hips shift on me and realised he was bending lower, his breath warming the back of my neck. I could hear the tiny crackles of Zach’s breath popping against the back of his throat, every little sound amplified as he moved closer to my ear. “You’re lovely, “ he said.
“I’m not.”
“You are, so lovely.”
“Stop it.”
“No.”
I gasped and felt hot tears run down my face. I wanted to jump up and run, say that this was all over and it hadn’t worked but Zach covered me with his body, placing his hands over mine and tucking his face into my neck, breathing steadily.
“Who told you you weren’t beautiful?”
Oh no, here came the questions. Why didn’t he just play Bambi and Schindler’s List on a loop if he had a tear fetish? “Dylan.”
“That’s not true, who told you?”
Crap. “It is true, he told me.”
“He didn’t, who told you?”
I really tried to move this time, to push Zach off of me and get away,but he was a dead weight and there was suddenly no power left in me to force him off. I sobbed in frustration, wishing it was over.
“Who told you?”
“I did! I did, alright?” And there it was. It was nobody else’s fault, no evil ex-boyfriend just me and my confidence in the minus figures. Truthfully, what else could Dylan do? Someone keeps telling you they deserve to be treated like crap and eventually you dance to their tune at the pity party.
Zach sighed gently. “That’s right. You said it. No-one else would. How could they?”
He rolled off me and started to undress, folding his clothes at the end of the bed and climbing under the covers. He sat, his arms open, and I hesitated before wiping my eyes and joining him, suddenly feeling very, very tired.
“Skin to skin Chris, come on.” We were both warm below the waist and cooler above and I sighed as Zach melded our bodies together, legs entwined, heads touching, Zach rubbing my cheek with his nose. Zach pulled the cover over our shoulders and it was that last warming action which sent me drifting off to sleep again.
--
I started as I woke, feeling the hot sweat on my body and Zach’s soft chest hair tickling me. In places our skin was stuck together and we had to peel apart, leaving red patches where we’d been joined. Zach’s eyes fluttered open, his dark lashes looking like little blackbird feathers. “Hi.” was all I managed before Zach kissed me. I kissed him back and we started to grind against each other before Zach put his hands on my shoulders.
“Wait, I don’t wanna get carried away. I’m supposed to be helping you.”
“It’s really helping...”
“No.”
“I know, I know.” I snuggled closer, breathing in the scent of Zach’s skin and sighing loudly. “I feel really good. I guess you can’t really use this for your dissertation, right?.”
He gave a beautiful rumbling laugh which rippled through my chest. “I can use some of it. Not the sex, but the cuddling.”
“What sex?” I blinked, wondering how much I had actually slept through.
“The sex we’re going to have every day from now on? Seriously, you like me, right?”
It’s an under-statement to say I was knocked off-balance.“I.. Yes! But I mean, I thought you were all...ethical and stuff.” I wondered if he’d make me sign another form.
“Oh please!” Zach chuckled, moving against me. “Do you know how hard it’s been not to jump you? You’re gorgeous, you clearly want me, you love cuddles, I love cuddling you, you have a Ninja Turtles lunchbox, you’re freakin’ adorable!”
“But Kayla said - “
“Oh let me guess,I was very fragile about my past? Kayla’s sweet but sometimes these bleeding heart types are just too PC, know what I mean?”
While I sat dazed he snuggled me closer, making me the little spoon, pulling my limbs like I was one of those Real Girls I’d never read about on the internet wishing they made boy ones. He kissed me on my neck, over and over and over, stroking my chest and letting me melt back into his arms.
“You don’t think I’m clingy?”
“Yeah, you’re totally clingy but I love that, you’re like a puppy. Who doesn’t like puppies?”
“You might get bored of me.”
“I doubt it. As long as you always have Assam.”
I rolled over, staring into his eyes and trying to see some doubt there. Instead I just got to thinking about chocolate, then my stomach rumbled, then his face broke into this beautiful grin and I kissed him, and all this seemingly happened without me freaking out about the fact that I was still cuddling him very closely. “You’re sure? Cause I have a stuffed rabbit.”
He grinned again and kissed me on the forehead. “I’m sure. I’m gonna cockblock the rabbit.”
And it was at that point I kind of fell in love with him, but l’d learned my lesson. I didn’t tell him for another three days.