that would be a valiant death

[takethestripes]

sometimes the music starts and i'm in a movie. then it stops and the next song commences but the set is gone and so am i. someimtes i am rachel and she is me. and sometimes we all need a little shelter to weather the weather. now there are so many things to do but i am bored. there are so many things to be but i am sitting here. there are so many things i miss and am so close to and so far from and any move i make could mean this is the end. unloading things off a chest is heavy. no more heavy please. a world i know in my skull is not what i walk through everyday. i try to find ways to make it so but it 's not that place. i'll try to get to that place to find that i'm not meant there. that's negative maybe. if i could remember what i like i bet i could survive it.sometimes i wish it was the 80's, the good times era with guns n' roses and aqua net. it was in december. but i didn't belong there either. i think left myself somewhere in st. louis and when i went to get me back i forgot why i was there.i could not help it. it was impulse. there were so many distractions the set was back and the music started again and it was the old times no one knew but us three . but someone is missing ______ _____ is missing. i was on the wrong side though i missed my cue and no one knew where i was but i knew every word and was so ready. you guys ever feel like that? everyone else has it figured out in my eyes and the more i try to keep up the more i forget about what i already knew. how to combat this? wouldn't want to start a war...i want relationships with so may things and i'm not sure where to start. i told my mom once to just start. when you don't know just start. looking through the filter i put my self in i see things looking blurry like i'm a fish in a tank. in this tank i forget. forget . renee used tell me i just forget. she's right. i am learning to not always be right to be easier to be around. i'm not sad or down or thinking i;'m not good enough i'm just longing to finish. to finish so many things and sitting here is just wasting time. i feel guilty for wasting time at all which is more the reason i won't show up when i say i will. sorry matt. i really just want to get so many things done. they've said it's all attainable and i'll have the chance and to not give up because i'm so fucking close i'm actually in it. that's how life has been for me for the past 10 months. in it. so close. too close i'm in it. and every once in a while the music starts again adn it feels like a movie. an independent i am inspired by by the knownothings and the amatuers- i used to know how to spell that. andi'm out of it. i'm in it. i'm in between. maybe one day i'll find my words use my sword and that would be my debut. take my picture, come to my show, read my article, wacth my movie. you're all part of it. in it. whoa.

with a great decline, good day.