Try this on
here we are. 22 hours later. it is 4 56 am and i am feeling weirder than weird. Normalacy for me is defined as plain weird. hmm.On that note I will have to say that I am not feeling normal.What is it that ails me? Al ails me.Stupid. He's stupid.Why I want to have his attention, I do not know. Why am i one to want to acceptance and attention of most? I would venture to say that it is because I am human. I am,however, feeling less than that or maybe more than that. It boils down to the main frame: I want to befriend people.People who are actually now befriendable, but once were not so. Now that it is beyond possibility, meaning more than possible, it seems further out of reach than it has at any point in my yearnings. I like Elvis too. I'm a Vegan too.He sees right throught it. Right now I don't think I even ever want to see that other guy again. I wish not to be in the spot i've gotten myself into. It is a tight one to break out of. I'm broke by the way "but money is not much to me" At this point- 5 :03 AM I now nnotice that I feel like this: I understand nothing IIII I I I used to know the goal the point the prize but nowI just don't know anything except that I want things that do not mix well with me which are all of the things I am made up of. 5:04 This got me nowhere but I am alright knowing that I am going to sleep for 2 hours and that tomorrow none of this will be the same and it will be another broken bicycle left for me to fix. I'm not weird. I said I was before. I am not sure. I wonder if anyone will ever feel this way about me. The way I am feeling about all this I mean. I know that everyone that I want to feel a certain way about me feels differently. she is that girl. oh- she's just his girl. you know. she should be around for that show. oh there she is. ha ha ha ha. way to be one of those girls. only I am not that at all. but that is what we all see huh? you can't always get what you want. my mouth is undone.
Then I cut myself off as I catch myself thinking maybe I can't be accepted so easily. should anyone? Myabe I did make a good 1 st impression and maybe it is too soon to tell. I would hope that I am appealing that my mind and ways about me are appealing to him. no not him. him.its not like that either. But I think I am probably not what he would normally care to look at in a human. Probably because he may not care to look at what he is as a human. they tell me all this. I don't know about it. I didn't see it until then. So as one human to another- I swear I have said this before to the same circle- as one human to another. so as one and as two go on. He must have felt this way at some point about someone somewhere. Fuck. I don't know what to do about such things. Maybe I'll consult myself for an answer. That never seems to work until after the fact. "I left my mind in Fredonia". Well main man, I left much more than that in St. Louis. only I forgot. until today. or yesterday maybe. City hopper. I do it too. I'll talk to you. I understand that I think I understand and that I probably don't. On a level, at least, we are the same. human. no. I Like Elvis. You Like Elvis. Love, Shawna
Then I cut myself off as I catch myself thinking maybe I can't be accepted so easily. should anyone? Myabe I did make a good 1 st impression and maybe it is too soon to tell. I would hope that I am appealing that my mind and ways about me are appealing to him. no not him. him.its not like that either. But I think I am probably not what he would normally care to look at in a human. Probably because he may not care to look at what he is as a human. they tell me all this. I don't know about it. I didn't see it until then. So as one human to another- I swear I have said this before to the same circle- as one human to another. so as one and as two go on. He must have felt this way at some point about someone somewhere. Fuck. I don't know what to do about such things. Maybe I'll consult myself for an answer. That never seems to work until after the fact. "I left my mind in Fredonia". Well main man, I left much more than that in St. Louis. only I forgot. until today. or yesterday maybe. City hopper. I do it too. I'll talk to you. I understand that I think I understand and that I probably don't. On a level, at least, we are the same. human. no. I Like Elvis. You Like Elvis. Love, Shawna