But Dad was just here......
Sadly, my instincts were right. I’d talked to my Dad briefly on Friday (3/20) afternoon and he’d fallen asleep. I was told by his wife that he’d gotten tired from his bath, that he was in good spirits, his attitude was great, he was determined to get well and that there was “still time“. My gut told me otherwise. I’d tried to ignore it.
Tuesday evening, following (3/24), he’d slipped away. I’d just talked to him a few days ago! My gut had been right all these months. 🥺
He was under the care of the VA hospital. I’m purposely not visiting the possibilities of their betrayal in my mind, beyond this statement. It’s not worth it and he wouldn’t want me doing it. So I’ve let that go as he’s not suffering anymore.
He’d been protecting me from seeing him as skin and bones. They even had a closed casket. Congestive heart failure they’d said. The blood clot in his aorta caused his heart to enlarge which put pressure on his lungs and affected his ability to breathe. That made it difficult to talk much or enunciate clearly via phone connection. He was 6’1” and weighed too little.
I assumed he was nutrient deficient from malabsorption due to diverticulitis. He was in tremendous pain and couldn’t take pain meds because his kidneys couldn’t handle it.
He didn’t tell me any of that and he’d asked his wife not to tell anyone, as he would do it. He spared me and I allowed him to protect me one last time by not going to see him.
I’m greatly relieved he’s free and no longer suffering. I’m not angry nor do I have any regrets. I just miss him so damned much. He was just here...dammit!
Tuesday evening, following (3/24), he’d slipped away. I’d just talked to him a few days ago! My gut had been right all these months. 🥺
He was under the care of the VA hospital. I’m purposely not visiting the possibilities of their betrayal in my mind, beyond this statement. It’s not worth it and he wouldn’t want me doing it. So I’ve let that go as he’s not suffering anymore.
He’d been protecting me from seeing him as skin and bones. They even had a closed casket. Congestive heart failure they’d said. The blood clot in his aorta caused his heart to enlarge which put pressure on his lungs and affected his ability to breathe. That made it difficult to talk much or enunciate clearly via phone connection. He was 6’1” and weighed too little.
I assumed he was nutrient deficient from malabsorption due to diverticulitis. He was in tremendous pain and couldn’t take pain meds because his kidneys couldn’t handle it.
He didn’t tell me any of that and he’d asked his wife not to tell anyone, as he would do it. He spared me and I allowed him to protect me one last time by not going to see him.
I’m greatly relieved he’s free and no longer suffering. I’m not angry nor do I have any regrets. I just miss him so damned much. He was just here...dammit!