Actors [chapter five]
Title: Actors
Author: takeour_tears
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan
POV: First; Ryan's.
Summary: Our lives are all rehearsed. We’re each given a role that we have to play to perfection; otherwise, you won’t get a good review. If you try to exchange your given role for a different one, you’re fucked, but sometimes, you can walk off stage and hide. You can come back with a completely different script, but it’s not really you.
You left behind the only role you were meant to play.
Disclaimer: If this is real, then I'm the fairy godmother, which, incase you were wondering, I am not.
Beta: giraffessayrawr
Author Notes: This chapter is too short for my liking, I think, but there wasn't anything else I could add without making it look like a filler chapter.
Cut by Cobra Starship.
I was confused. Confounded, befuddled; whichever synonym you could come up with, I was it. The clock ticked away the hours as I lay awake, staring at the ceiling, trying to figure it out. Peering at the green glow of my alarm clock, it dawned on me that I only had ten minutes until it would 'wake me up'. I was exhausted, but I couldn't sleep. All night, my brain had been playing endless loops of everything that had happened, ever since I'd started at the new school. I knew I couldn't avoid Brendon, because we hung out in the same group, and he had been assigned as my 'guide', which made the school sound like a rather extravagant city rather than an educational building, and-
My thoughts were abruptly cut short by the shrill noise of the alarm clock. Well, I really hadn't managed to figure anything out.
Groaning, I slipped out of bed, heading for the shower.
Before I knew it, I was standing on the porch, heading towards my doom. Sleep deprivation was making everything a blur, seamlessly blending one moment into the next. I desperately hoped I wouldn't be making a habit of staying awake with my thoughts, it wasn't something I would ever grow fond of. The thoughts left me more exhausted than the lack of sleep.
Entering the building, the first person I saw was none other than Brendon Urie. I swallowed something down as I headed towards my locker, cursing whoever had made me his neighbour. The principal, probably. As I opened my locker, his movements stilled, and I could feel his eyes boring holes into my back. I concentrated on my steadying my breathing for a couple of seconds, not even sure why I suddenly needed to control my emotions and remain calm. Maybe it was the little part of me that was screaming at me that I did, in fact, like Brendon- but no, I'm not gay.
When his gaze got too uncomfortable, I turned around and quirked an eyebrow at him. "Yes?" His brows furrowed as it seemed like he was trying to gather his thoughts. I really didn't want to repeat the events of our last encounter, so I interrupted him before he'd even had a chance to open his mouth more than a fraction of an inch.
"Look, I'm not gay, okay? I've already told you that about a million times. We can be friends, sure, but not...not anything more than that." I let go of a breath I didn't know I'd been holding and looked up into his weary eyes. There was something in them that I couldn't read, and I wish I could because it would make everything so much easier. I don't know why he seemed to think before speaking, like he wanted to say the right words, but it was making me nervous. I bit on my tongue until I had the taste of iron in my mouth.
"This isn't about you, Ryan." I raised my eyebrows. "Okay, so, maybe it is, but what I'm trying to say here is that this...whatever this is, doesn't make you gay...even though there's nothing wrong with that." I was expecting him to give me a big speech about something or the other, but I was surprised by how concise- "And maybe you want to ask out some pretty girl that's in your year, but," He cleared his throat nervously. "would you like to go out with me?" -it was.
It was like his added words had united with my thoughts and I was shocked, I really was. I had not expected this, and I had especially not expected Brendon to then stand there, fidgeting, clearly hoping that I wasn't about to reject him. I thought back to what he had said about none of it being wrong. Except for how we'd had sex after only knowing each other for a couple of days, but I wasn't a saint, and neither was he.
My eyes were wide, making me look almost comical, I was sure. I swallowed something large before managing to open my mouth and forming words that actually made sense. "Okay." The whisper left me in a rush, causing me to flinch slightly, and the smile forming on Brendon's face was the complete opposite to how I felt. I hadn't said it to make him feel better. I wanted to prove something, and maybe this was the wrong way to go it, but I was stuck deep in the mud and I refused to dig my own grave, even though this felt a lot like cutting off my own arm with an axe; slowly but surely.
Author: takeour_tears
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan
POV: First; Ryan's.
Summary: Our lives are all rehearsed. We’re each given a role that we have to play to perfection; otherwise, you won’t get a good review. If you try to exchange your given role for a different one, you’re fucked, but sometimes, you can walk off stage and hide. You can come back with a completely different script, but it’s not really you.
You left behind the only role you were meant to play.
Disclaimer: If this is real, then I'm the fairy godmother, which, incase you were wondering, I am not.
Beta: giraffessayrawr
Author Notes: This chapter is too short for my liking, I think, but there wasn't anything else I could add without making it look like a filler chapter.
Cut by Cobra Starship.
I was confused. Confounded, befuddled; whichever synonym you could come up with, I was it. The clock ticked away the hours as I lay awake, staring at the ceiling, trying to figure it out. Peering at the green glow of my alarm clock, it dawned on me that I only had ten minutes until it would 'wake me up'. I was exhausted, but I couldn't sleep. All night, my brain had been playing endless loops of everything that had happened, ever since I'd started at the new school. I knew I couldn't avoid Brendon, because we hung out in the same group, and he had been assigned as my 'guide', which made the school sound like a rather extravagant city rather than an educational building, and-
My thoughts were abruptly cut short by the shrill noise of the alarm clock. Well, I really hadn't managed to figure anything out.
Groaning, I slipped out of bed, heading for the shower.
Before I knew it, I was standing on the porch, heading towards my doom. Sleep deprivation was making everything a blur, seamlessly blending one moment into the next. I desperately hoped I wouldn't be making a habit of staying awake with my thoughts, it wasn't something I would ever grow fond of. The thoughts left me more exhausted than the lack of sleep.
Entering the building, the first person I saw was none other than Brendon Urie. I swallowed something down as I headed towards my locker, cursing whoever had made me his neighbour. The principal, probably. As I opened my locker, his movements stilled, and I could feel his eyes boring holes into my back. I concentrated on my steadying my breathing for a couple of seconds, not even sure why I suddenly needed to control my emotions and remain calm. Maybe it was the little part of me that was screaming at me that I did, in fact, like Brendon- but no, I'm not gay.
When his gaze got too uncomfortable, I turned around and quirked an eyebrow at him. "Yes?" His brows furrowed as it seemed like he was trying to gather his thoughts. I really didn't want to repeat the events of our last encounter, so I interrupted him before he'd even had a chance to open his mouth more than a fraction of an inch.
"Look, I'm not gay, okay? I've already told you that about a million times. We can be friends, sure, but not...not anything more than that." I let go of a breath I didn't know I'd been holding and looked up into his weary eyes. There was something in them that I couldn't read, and I wish I could because it would make everything so much easier. I don't know why he seemed to think before speaking, like he wanted to say the right words, but it was making me nervous. I bit on my tongue until I had the taste of iron in my mouth.
"This isn't about you, Ryan." I raised my eyebrows. "Okay, so, maybe it is, but what I'm trying to say here is that this...whatever this is, doesn't make you gay...even though there's nothing wrong with that." I was expecting him to give me a big speech about something or the other, but I was surprised by how concise- "And maybe you want to ask out some pretty girl that's in your year, but," He cleared his throat nervously. "would you like to go out with me?" -it was.
It was like his added words had united with my thoughts and I was shocked, I really was. I had not expected this, and I had especially not expected Brendon to then stand there, fidgeting, clearly hoping that I wasn't about to reject him. I thought back to what he had said about none of it being wrong. Except for how we'd had sex after only knowing each other for a couple of days, but I wasn't a saint, and neither was he.
My eyes were wide, making me look almost comical, I was sure. I swallowed something large before managing to open my mouth and forming words that actually made sense. "Okay." The whisper left me in a rush, causing me to flinch slightly, and the smile forming on Brendon's face was the complete opposite to how I felt. I hadn't said it to make him feel better. I wanted to prove something, and maybe this was the wrong way to go it, but I was stuck deep in the mud and I refused to dig my own grave, even though this felt a lot like cutting off my own arm with an axe; slowly but surely.