Take My Hand [standalone]
Title: Take My Hand
Author: takeour_tears
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan
POV: First; Ryan's.
Summary: "A year later, I was still lost without Brendon."
Disclaimer: If this is real, then I'm the fairy godmother, which, incase you were wondering, I am not.
Title and cut by Simple Plan
Author Notes: This was written for coppertonekelly It's her birthday today, as in the 5th November, and I just want to let her know that I love her. <3
The story is loosely based off of the song Take My Hand by Simple Plan. I say 'loosely', because it's probably not what you would expect from the song.
I could feel the tears falling thickly onto my cheeks, the tears tracks seemed perpetually in place as I stared into Brendon’s sad doe eyes.
“Don’t cry, Ry.” His choked words betrayed him, but he continued trying to console me. “You know I’d do anything to have more than this night.” His eyes were honest, but I felt like I was being lied to. Not by him, though; by life. I’d been promised forever.
“Not…your…fault.” I managed to choke out.
The reports had come in, and Brendon only had until the next day. It felt unfair; we’d had such a short time together - a month - and now life was snatching the one thing I’d deemed worth living right from my hands. It hurt to know that after tonight, I would never again be able to wake up to his warm presence.
He placed a chaste kiss to my lips, and pulled his arms more tightly around me. The contact cut into my heart, and I had half a mind to jump off of the bed and run out of the hospital, into the cold December night.
“Bren?”
“Hmm?” I felt his lips against my hair, and nearly sent me into another sobbing fit, as he tried so desperately to comfort me. The flash of guilt deep in my stomach didn’t help, either. I ignored all that and concentrated on what I needed to ask him, before it was too late.
“When you’re…” I couldn’t say it, but his nod told me that he understood. “What will I do?”
My question seemed to have caught him off guard, though I refused to believe that he didn’t realise that I wouldn’t know what to do without him. I hoped he knew that I loved him that much or maybe I was just dependant on him.
I refused to believe it was the latter.
“Ryan, you’re stronger than that.”
I started to shake my head, but he quickly grabbed my shoulders to still me.
“Ry, listen. Do you love me?”
A nod, which was followed by more tears leaking out of my eyes.
“Then I want you to be strong, for me. Please.” The pleading look he sent me was obviously supposed to convince me, but instead, it was like an iron fist that was squeezing my heart, slowly draining the life out of me, dragging a heart wrenching sob out of me.
With sad eyes, he once again pulled me to his chest, allowing me some comfort as my whole body shook with the wracking sobs.
“Ry, I love you.”
My eyes met his, tears still leaking from them, and I realised what he was trying to say. I didn’t know why it mattered to him since he wouldn’t know anything come sunrise, wouldn’t know me. The reality of the situation hadn’t completely sunk in yet and I was trying to keep it that way, or I’d be incapable of anything but pouring myself out in the form of sobs.
He caught my lips in a gentle kiss, eventually probing my bottom lip with his tongue. I knew we wouldn’t be able to go further than this, but I still allowed my mouth to open, as Brendon’s hands caressed my sides.
We finally broke apart, breathless. He pulled me back to his chest, and muttered one word before firmly wrapping his arms around me again. “Sleep.”
I instantly protested, but was cut off by his finger against my lips.
“Please, Ry…” His eyes were, once again, expressing that which I wished he would keep to himself, because I could clearly read the painful message in them, and it was pulling at my, harshly, at my poor, shattered heart.
He didn’t want me to feel his death.
After placing a gentle kiss on my lips, he tucked my face to his chest; placing his own in my hair. His warmth, as usual, drove me to sleep quicker than I wanted it, but not before I utter the last words I would ever speak to him, the only words that would ever matter, from now on.
“I’ll always love you, Brendon.”
--
When I woke up and realised that the once warm body was now cold against me, I started screaming.
At first, I didn’t realise it was me. All I knew was the horrible sound, and I just wanted it to stop. When I identified the screamer as myself, I couldn’t close my mouth, couldn’t stop the reverberating sound from ushering out of my mouth, no matter how much I abhorred it.
When the doctors came rushing in and proceeded to sedate me, I gladly welcome the unconsciousness that engulfed me from whatever medication had been inserted into me. I knew it wouldn’t lessen or numb the pain, but it would definitely delay it.
--
When I was finally allowed to leave - several hours later - I arrived home and the first thought to enter my mind was how I didn’t know what to do. The house was awfully empty without Brendon’s bouncy personality.
The truth finally sank in.
I dropped to my knees and wrapped my arms around myself, trying to keep the uncontrollable sobs from ripping me apart; mentally and physically.
When I managed to stop, - or rather, when there was nothing left in me - I had a plan. I realised that I had gone insane, but I couldn’t think of anything else. I didn’t know what else to do with myself.
I made my way, wearily, to the bathroom and reached into the medicine cabinet. After some rummaging around, I located the painkillers. I stared at them for several moments, the clock on the wall slowly ticking away my choices.
When Brendon’s fate had been decided, I realised, mine had been decided with it.
I walked up to the kitchen sink and filled up a glass with water, before tipping the entire contents of the bottle into my mouth - which were all of two pills.
For a whole minute, I stared at absolutely nothing, before breaking down, once again, only pausing to spit out the treacherous painkillers, the amount just enough to get rid of a headache that was the least of my worries.
--
A year later, I was still lost without Brendon.
But I was still alive, and I had finally realised that that was all that mattered, in the end, because as long as I was alive, Brendon was alive, and I would never allow him to die a second time.
I kept my promise; I still loved him.
Author: takeour_tears
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan
POV: First; Ryan's.
Summary: "A year later, I was still lost without Brendon."
Disclaimer: If this is real, then I'm the fairy godmother, which, incase you were wondering, I am not.
Title and cut by Simple Plan
Author Notes: This was written for coppertonekelly It's her birthday today, as in the 5th November, and I just want to let her know that I love her. <3
The story is loosely based off of the song Take My Hand by Simple Plan. I say 'loosely', because it's probably not what you would expect from the song.
I could feel the tears falling thickly onto my cheeks, the tears tracks seemed perpetually in place as I stared into Brendon’s sad doe eyes.
“Don’t cry, Ry.” His choked words betrayed him, but he continued trying to console me. “You know I’d do anything to have more than this night.” His eyes were honest, but I felt like I was being lied to. Not by him, though; by life. I’d been promised forever.
“Not…your…fault.” I managed to choke out.
The reports had come in, and Brendon only had until the next day. It felt unfair; we’d had such a short time together - a month - and now life was snatching the one thing I’d deemed worth living right from my hands. It hurt to know that after tonight, I would never again be able to wake up to his warm presence.
He placed a chaste kiss to my lips, and pulled his arms more tightly around me. The contact cut into my heart, and I had half a mind to jump off of the bed and run out of the hospital, into the cold December night.
“Bren?”
“Hmm?” I felt his lips against my hair, and nearly sent me into another sobbing fit, as he tried so desperately to comfort me. The flash of guilt deep in my stomach didn’t help, either. I ignored all that and concentrated on what I needed to ask him, before it was too late.
“When you’re…” I couldn’t say it, but his nod told me that he understood. “What will I do?”
My question seemed to have caught him off guard, though I refused to believe that he didn’t realise that I wouldn’t know what to do without him. I hoped he knew that I loved him that much or maybe I was just dependant on him.
I refused to believe it was the latter.
“Ryan, you’re stronger than that.”
I started to shake my head, but he quickly grabbed my shoulders to still me.
“Ry, listen. Do you love me?”
A nod, which was followed by more tears leaking out of my eyes.
“Then I want you to be strong, for me. Please.” The pleading look he sent me was obviously supposed to convince me, but instead, it was like an iron fist that was squeezing my heart, slowly draining the life out of me, dragging a heart wrenching sob out of me.
With sad eyes, he once again pulled me to his chest, allowing me some comfort as my whole body shook with the wracking sobs.
“Ry, I love you.”
My eyes met his, tears still leaking from them, and I realised what he was trying to say. I didn’t know why it mattered to him since he wouldn’t know anything come sunrise, wouldn’t know me. The reality of the situation hadn’t completely sunk in yet and I was trying to keep it that way, or I’d be incapable of anything but pouring myself out in the form of sobs.
He caught my lips in a gentle kiss, eventually probing my bottom lip with his tongue. I knew we wouldn’t be able to go further than this, but I still allowed my mouth to open, as Brendon’s hands caressed my sides.
We finally broke apart, breathless. He pulled me back to his chest, and muttered one word before firmly wrapping his arms around me again. “Sleep.”
I instantly protested, but was cut off by his finger against my lips.
“Please, Ry…” His eyes were, once again, expressing that which I wished he would keep to himself, because I could clearly read the painful message in them, and it was pulling at my, harshly, at my poor, shattered heart.
He didn’t want me to feel his death.
After placing a gentle kiss on my lips, he tucked my face to his chest; placing his own in my hair. His warmth, as usual, drove me to sleep quicker than I wanted it, but not before I utter the last words I would ever speak to him, the only words that would ever matter, from now on.
“I’ll always love you, Brendon.”
--
When I woke up and realised that the once warm body was now cold against me, I started screaming.
At first, I didn’t realise it was me. All I knew was the horrible sound, and I just wanted it to stop. When I identified the screamer as myself, I couldn’t close my mouth, couldn’t stop the reverberating sound from ushering out of my mouth, no matter how much I abhorred it.
When the doctors came rushing in and proceeded to sedate me, I gladly welcome the unconsciousness that engulfed me from whatever medication had been inserted into me. I knew it wouldn’t lessen or numb the pain, but it would definitely delay it.
--
When I was finally allowed to leave - several hours later - I arrived home and the first thought to enter my mind was how I didn’t know what to do. The house was awfully empty without Brendon’s bouncy personality.
The truth finally sank in.
I dropped to my knees and wrapped my arms around myself, trying to keep the uncontrollable sobs from ripping me apart; mentally and physically.
When I managed to stop, - or rather, when there was nothing left in me - I had a plan. I realised that I had gone insane, but I couldn’t think of anything else. I didn’t know what else to do with myself.
I made my way, wearily, to the bathroom and reached into the medicine cabinet. After some rummaging around, I located the painkillers. I stared at them for several moments, the clock on the wall slowly ticking away my choices.
When Brendon’s fate had been decided, I realised, mine had been decided with it.
I walked up to the kitchen sink and filled up a glass with water, before tipping the entire contents of the bottle into my mouth - which were all of two pills.
For a whole minute, I stared at absolutely nothing, before breaking down, once again, only pausing to spit out the treacherous painkillers, the amount just enough to get rid of a headache that was the least of my worries.
--
A year later, I was still lost without Brendon.
But I was still alive, and I had finally realised that that was all that mattered, in the end, because as long as I was alive, Brendon was alive, and I would never allow him to die a second time.
I kept my promise; I still loved him.