(no subject)
I feel so uninspired.
I want to paint but have no ideas.
I want to draw but I'm not good enough.
I want to improve my drawing skills but its too hard for me because I have no inspiration.
I have no drive.
I want my life to have meaning.
I dont even know where to begin.
I want to be happier.
I want to find my happiness in myself but I can only find it in other people.
I am very lonely but at the same time dont want to spend time with people because of how terribly awkward I am.
So I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I want to go out for adventures but i fear that if i do i will miss a call for a job opportunity.
Today I am in the process of cleaning my room.
I am throwing out more things than i ever have.
It feels so good.
I realized that i was holding onto so many things for no reason.
To come back and look at stuff is nice, but the memories i was holding onto werent even that special.
I am going to try and sell a bunch of shit and if i cant sell it i'm giving it away.
Maybe I will feel better after i free myself of all of the things that are burdening my life and cluttering my mind.
Maybe I will be inspired after reading more.
I wish I could focus because I want to read and obtain knowledge but can't sit down and read for more than half an hour.
I should find out about meds, but I dont want to pump myself full of chemicals.
I want to be a free spirit.
I want to be inspired.
I want a spark or a life changing moment.
Because if this is it well fuck i' m in for a long life.