memories.

[takemeout__]

so, i was looking through my memory box, and i found a notw i wrote to matt. god, i was so in love. but for it to be real love, it has to go both ways...i guess it wasn't real love. i was head over heels for that boy. i would do anything for that feeling again, but to have it returned. i can't believe i wasted that long of my time just to be cheated on. the girl he cheated with told me. he lied to me first of all, did i believe him? of course not. "i just stayed at her house"...after before we were going out he stated he liked her alot. how could i have been so blind to not have seen it coming? why did he lie, time after time, "i love you jesse"...yeah, okay, so cheating now means you're in love? i also found a picutre he drew me. i cried a little. i miss that feeling of being with someone who makes you feel so good about yourself. and no matter how you look that day, they tell you that you look beautiful. and that you're perfect for them. i remember a time i said "well, i'm not perfect" and he said..."you're perfect for me"...that made me so happy. why can't i get that feeling back, don't get me wrong, i'm over this boy, but it's the feeling of having someone that i pretty much mean, and how boys can create this cover over themselves to make you believe everything they say, they mean, when really, they don't. are their any real, genuine, true, loyal guys out there?...

i'm a fucking horrible person...