in the back of your car I feel like, I have travelled nowhere..
This march break was fairly interesting. I spent a lot of time with friends and less time moping around. I'm starting to realize that I can't do much to help our situation. I can't persuade you to feel any differently, or make you want to be with me. I still haven't figured out if it's a game or not. Or if this is what you really really want..
If it is what you really want, it makes me wonder what our relationship ever meant. I wonder if we were really in love, or if we were really meant to be together, or if we'll end up together, or if we'll always end up together. We've been through so much and we were so perfect for eachother. Everything is falling apart. I never thought that you would feel this way and I never thought I would feel this way.. And I really don't know if what we're doing is going to help, or if we really should forget about eachother and move on for good, or what. I know I love you with all of my heart, and I never thought I would actually question whether or not you felt the same. I always thought that you felt stronger than I did, but now it's turned around.. and I'm so confused.
All I know is, if you do love me and you do really deep down want to be with me, why bother fighting your feelings. No relationship is perfect, people fight, people get jealous, and people make mistakes. But every fight, every bit of jealousy and every mistake only makes you stronger in the end. And even though we have some bad memories, and you'd think that they would be things you wouldn't want to remember, they are somehow good memories. Because everything we've worked through proves to ourselves how much we do love eachother and how much we do care. And now you want to give up..and I can't comprehend it. I hate how we've fought so hard, all to end up happily ever after. And we've lost everything.
And I absolutely hate, how I'm in love with you. I think about you all the time, everything reminds me of you, foods, smells, pictures, songs, tv shows, in absolutely everything I see, I see a little bit of you..And I hate how every entry I write is about you because all you people probably get extremely annoyed. But anyways..
A part of me, well, a huge part of me says you'll be back and we'll be on our feet again happy and in love yet again, because that's what Im used to. No matter what would happen we would end up together and happy, but this time things are different. And I'm always getting my hopes up, because one day you show me you love me and care, and the next I feel like a piece of shit because you either pay no attention to me, or, just everything is so fucked up. Love shouldn't be this hard and I think we're making it harder than it really has to be...
I just want to hold you again without feeling like you'd rather be dead than having me touch you. And it also kills me to think that you don't miss me.. That you don't miss what we had, and you dont miss holding me and kissing me..
All I know, is that what we have is amazing. And no matter how badly you want to quit and how badly you don't think we'll work out again, Ill make us work, i swear ill make it work. I can't give up because I love you too much, and Im smart enough to know that we need eachother, we are best friends. We love eachother and care about eachother way too much to let this go. i can't let it happen, and I wont let it happen..
you only find love once in your life, so I guess when you find it, you gotta hold it right...you hold it right.. it makes no sense cause there's no sense in it at all, and we all, we wait for you to get tired and fall. and your shadow, it resumes with me..yes your shadow, well, it was made for me..