"strike up the band and make the fireflies dance... kiss me"
okay, so the hypnotist show was once again AMAZING! i don't know if i would ever be able to do that... no inhibitions and not be able to remember it? i might as well just get smashed. but i guess five bucks is cheaper than however much memory-obliterating alcohol would be. i seriously find it amazing, though, that you can actually convince someone to be that ridiculous without any objections... liz mauro and tobias = my favorite people ever to be hypnotized. someone in psych today said that people have been coming up to liz all day telling her what a good dancer she is... oh, dear lord, she was pretty good, actually, but i could never picture her dancing like that anywhere else. and i've decided that kevin needs to get contacts... he lost his glasses the other day and came to school without them, and i must say that he looked pretty attractive. ugggggggggggggh, i have so many college visits coming up and i so don't want to go... i'm curious and all, but i think that it's going to be really overwhelming. especially the one the day after homecoming. i mean, hofstra looks GREAT and i definitely want to visit the school, but it means that we have to leave at 5 in the morning to get there in time for the open house = no sleepover after the dance. and that makes me really sad. and now that friggin marching band's over, everybody's going to be like, "hey, let's all sleep over somewhere!" and me, the person willing to do that ANYWAY will be the only one missing out. and i'm going to be super pissed. i think i need to have more sleepovers because i hate having to rely on other people staying to see whether i can spend time... especially with kevin because it's not like i can be the only one sleeping over there. and then everybody else is just like, "eh, i'm going home" "i have to get up early" "i'm really tired" and , duh, it's not their fault or anything, but i just hate have to rest my plans on other people's shoulders. i don't know why that bothers me so much, but seriously, it makes me feel like i don't have any choice in my plans. oh, god, my parents are being so stupid about my social life. they're both like, "well, we've been noticing that you've been spending a lot of time out and that you're not really spending a lot of time on schoolwork." and, no, i'm not angry that they ask because of what happened last year, but it annoys me that they don't seem to believe me when i say that i'm doing it all (which i am). i mean, if you look at this year's schedule and last year's, of course i'm not going to have as much work, especially when i have a study hall that i usually get some work done in anyway. ew, but that reminds me that i have to read some play for english tomorrow, and i am so not excited. i'm also really not happy about that test that we took. so much writing, and i totally blanked out on everything... you can't really study for a test like that unless you want to read the sparknotes for all four novels... and, um, no, i barely read them for wuthering heights (the only thing i've sparknoted this year, by the way, and i really did try to read it... it was just too friggin boring for me... even the sparknotes were tough for me to get through). i don't know... i feel really behind in everything, though, when it comes to preparing for next year... i mean, people are getting out applications and amy's been ACCEPTED... jesus christ. i think i might cry. not really, but i just feel so NOT on top of things, and it drives me crazy. ugh, and i have to go over my college essay with mrs. mckenna because i only got an 88 on it, and i'm not sending a B+ essay to a school that i want to accept me. BUT i got an 87 on my approach paper for the color purple, which i thought was pretty weak, but i guess it was okay. AND i got a 91 on my psych test (yeah, there was bonus, but i'm still proud). i think i'm going to check out the essay topics on all the college applications that i have just so i can try to come up with a few rough drafts... even if i don't end up applying to that school, it's still a good way to critique my work and look for tendencies. okay, so i don't leave this on an overwhelmed note... hmm... i went trick-or-treating for the first time since like middle school. it was really weird, and i did feel pretty dumb... when you DRIVE to the neighborhood you're trick-or-treating in, i think you're too old. but i met kevin's grandmother... it's so weird to see him act around her... it's not that he's not sweet to me or his other family members or anything... he's just... gentler, i think, with her. she seemed sweet, even though she thought i was erin (compliment, for sure... haha, love you, ep!) oh, wow, it's like four... my last thursday night rehearsal EVER is in like an hour and a half... i don't know how i feel about this season. it kind of worries me that i'm not really upset. i'm just... numb. it's not like i wanted to be all broken up about it, but really, this season hasn't moved me. the show is great and all, but so many things have changed and i don't think that i like it. band doesn't seem so much like a family anymore. i mean, yeah, there are people there that i love and care about, but just the section is just... disconnected. i'm trying so hard to make us all come together, but i'm worried that it's not working. we need to become a team, and there's little clique-ettes within the section... people are afraid to branch out or something. i hope i feel something at finals... besides sad that i'm not feeling anything. does that make sense? what i mean is, i want to be like... tim, i guess, except not a gay man. he loved it so much, and realizing that it was his last show really upset him. i don't want to leave this season behind feeling indifferent about it. oh, and just so we're all aware, a friggin football game on veterans' day... with rehearsal beforehand, is stupid as all hell. oh, and that little swear reminded me that i am once again no longer swearing except for crap and hell (does anybody else consider that a swear? it's like a little mini curse to me... like, crass, but not really offensive, you know?) so... just so i end on a silly note, i learned today in psych that i am a "supertaster", meaning that i have more taste buds than the average person (i'm not that special... about 25% of the population is supertasters... and about 25% have an abnormally low number of taste buds). BUT speaking of silly/food... i realized something the other day. you supposedly are what you eat, and my favorite flavor is cherry... well, i thought it was funny, especially since i ate an ENTIRE jar of maraschino cherries the other day... kevin told me that for our next anniversary, he's buying me cherries, and he better not be kidding because i'm really excited. yum. love you all!