B/K: Thinking of You 4/5
Part Four
What seemed like hours has only actually been minutes. It is only when I realize that the front door is still open that I pull away from her. The rain is coming down harder and I just want to shut it out.
Closing the door I turn back to her expecting to return to her arms but she has walked off. I find her in the living room taking it all in as if it has been years since she has been home.
I notice her shiver slightly and I take her jacket off, her eyes never leaving the broken picture of us sitting on the desk. I take her hand leading her to the couch and she looks at me.
I acknowledge that I have yet to say something to her. I feel guilty that I have not said a word. I feel rushed and say the first thing that I can think of.
“You’re here.” I said it so quietly I wonder if she even heard. She does and nods with a small smile but there are tears in her eyes.
“What happened to our picture,” she asks her voice breaking as she tries her best not to cry.
“The FBI agents must have knocked it over while they were searching the house. I came home and found it on the ground.”
She’s clutching my hand tightly looking around the room and I realize that she’s nervous. She knows just as well as I do that we need to talk but she remains silent. I decide to take it slow.
“Karen, what happened? I was so worried about you. I tried calling your cell and your office. I booked a flight out to D.C I’m supposed to be on my way to the airport now. I-” stopping short I take a deep breath. “I was so scared.”
I look into her eyes and she places her hand on my cheek. She’s smiling but there is still some fear in her eyes.
“Shh, its ok. I’m ok.” Moving her hand to my shoulder she squeezes it. “Tom Lennox happened. He managed to convince the Vice President to not press charges and stopped the DOJ in their crusade against you. So, we resign quietly and our reputations remain intact without fear of persecution.”
I let out a huge sigh of relief.
“This all happened just in time too. They were about to transfer me to FBI headquarters and God only knows what would have happened there.”
I wince at the possibilities and I am once again thankful that she seems unharmed.
“How was detainment? Did anyone hurt you?” The questions come out more forceful than I had intended. She waves her hand carelessly and pinches the bridge of her nose.
“No, sweetheart. Just verbal interrogation. But I didn’t deny anything so it was pretty quick.”
I nod but with that out of the way I want to move on to a touchier subject-our marriage. But I remember that her clothes are still wet from the rain and because of our earlier embrace so are mine.
I usher her upstairs into our bedroom. Searching the near empty drawers I find her an old sweater and pair of jeans. I hand them to her and go off in search of something dry for me. After we are both in drier clothes I feel the need to go make coffee but I know that this is all in attempt to further delay the much needed conversation.
I go to say something but she is first to speak.
“I’m so sorry Bill,” she chokes, tears pouring down her tired face. “I shouldn’t have fired you. I should have stood up for you and for our marriage. I regret it more than you will ever know.” Her body shakes with each sob and I am taken back.
I expected an apology…but not this…this is desperation…she’s avoiding eye contact…she does that when she is afraid…but why…what are you afraid of Karen…
I close the distance between us and take her face in my hands so she is forced to look at me. She has stopped crying and is searching my face for some sort of answer. My expression softens and I hope that she can see how much I love her.
She lets out a sigh and closes her eyes for a moment. Opening them the fear has resurfaced and she begins to spill her soul out.
“I thought you might have left me. I tried getting a hold of you but I couldn’t. I called CTU to see if you were still there but you weren’t and they refused to tell me where you were. I called here but the machine was disconnected-”
“Wait-what? I never disconnected the-” I take a deep breath as I think back to our home being raided. “The FBI agents must have disconnected the machine. Karen, honey, I’m so sorry.”
She gives me a small smile but I know its too late. There already exists some trauma on her psyche.
“When I walked in and saw the suitcases I thought for sure you were getting ready to leave.”
“I was. For Washington,” I say trying to lighten the mood. I can’t believe she thought I would leave her. After all this time, doesn’t she realize that she is my everything?
“Karen,” I say sitting her on our bed. “I would never leave you, especially without saying anything. I understand two months of being away may have worn down your faith in us. I would be lying if I said I never questioned the stability of our marriage. But I never questioned us or relationship. There has never been a moment, not one, in the past twenty months that I haven’t loved you or not wanted to be with you.”
I brush back her hair from her face. She’s crying again but this time its not in fear or desperation. She is smiling and reaches for my hand.
“I’m not going anywhere, ok?” Now that the air has been cleared, I change my tone to one of amusement. “Have I told you how happy I am that you’re home?”
“I love you Bill,” she smiles.
“I love you too,” I say wrapping my arms around her. I place a deep, very passionate kiss on her lips and we fall back onto the bed.