So Much Ado About Shura (Dream-wise)
Being at the hospital, afraid that I might actually die made me think a lot.
I realized I don't love myself. In fact, I hardly even like myself...at all. I really need to change this. Accomplishing the other things won't matter if I don't love myself. In fact, this made me realize that this was one of the things that went wrong with Jacob and me--my self-loathing added much more stress and strain into our relationship.
And I'm not changing myself for him--I'm doing it for me.
First off, I do want to lose some weight. I want to have my high school figure back. It's going to take some work, yes, but I'm hoping now with my slightly shrunken stomach from the surgery, it'll be a little easier. Plus, I'm trying to be more healthy and drink less Coke and more juices and tea. In addition, when school starts up (and my knee is better), I'm going to start working out at the student rec center on campus. Hopefully by the end of the year, I'll be at my target body size.
I've also gotten some products to help. Recently, I've started using this shampoo from Herbal Essences, and it works wonders with my dry hair. I'm also starting to use more lotion with my dry skin, and Mom bought me some light make-up that's also supposed to help with it and be better for my skin. In addition, I'm growing out my hair. I miss it being as long as it was three years ago.
Looks aside, I'm working harder on trying to land a job. I need the work experience, I need the money, and I need the ego boost of actually having a job and not living off my parents in exchange for being a babysitter. Hopefully, I'll land one of the internships or can find a part-time job on campus. Here's to hoping!
So, by this time next year, I'm hoping to be close to moving out of Georgia (I'll explain where later), have some money to my name, work experience under my belt, and have a better outlook on myself.
I realized I don't love myself. In fact, I hardly even like myself...at all. I really need to change this. Accomplishing the other things won't matter if I don't love myself. In fact, this made me realize that this was one of the things that went wrong with Jacob and me--my self-loathing added much more stress and strain into our relationship.
And I'm not changing myself for him--I'm doing it for me.
First off, I do want to lose some weight. I want to have my high school figure back. It's going to take some work, yes, but I'm hoping now with my slightly shrunken stomach from the surgery, it'll be a little easier. Plus, I'm trying to be more healthy and drink less Coke and more juices and tea. In addition, when school starts up (and my knee is better), I'm going to start working out at the student rec center on campus. Hopefully by the end of the year, I'll be at my target body size.
I've also gotten some products to help. Recently, I've started using this shampoo from Herbal Essences, and it works wonders with my dry hair. I'm also starting to use more lotion with my dry skin, and Mom bought me some light make-up that's also supposed to help with it and be better for my skin. In addition, I'm growing out my hair. I miss it being as long as it was three years ago.
Looks aside, I'm working harder on trying to land a job. I need the work experience, I need the money, and I need the ego boost of actually having a job and not living off my parents in exchange for being a babysitter. Hopefully, I'll land one of the internships or can find a part-time job on campus. Here's to hoping!
So, by this time next year, I'm hoping to be close to moving out of Georgia (I'll explain where later), have some money to my name, work experience under my belt, and have a better outlook on myself.