I never thought I will face this crisis...
I am a person who uses a lot of punctuation. Like ellipses, exclamation point and question marks. I also know that I am a very religious person but then I have sinned a lot lately. This time it is grave. I never thought that I will experience this. that I will have the courage and sanity to go against the teachings of Christ.
I self-harm. Long time ago, I experienced self-harm by banging my head on the wall. No pain at all because I am hard headed (pun intended). Recently, I crave for pain. One thing that I am proud of is that I have high threshold of pain. That is why getting hurt is nothing to me. Lately, I want to feel pain, to express my internal pain. The pain my soul is experiencing. I am lonely. I thought I am good alone but it was true. No man is an island. My loneliness is buiding up and I want to scream. I want to express this pain which resulted to self-harm.
I repeatedly speak to myself "I don't know" "I don't know anymore" "i don't know what to do". I just don't know.