Yes, I Am A Dork

[tajisnipe]

Right now I feel like the "weather" satellite from the Cowboy Bebop episode where Ed first appears. (I love Ed) But I know things will change soon, mainly because I'm making them change. I feel a lot better about how I feel about Becky. I've realized I really do hate myself, and after all, knowing is half the battle. I've also realized that I am paying now for my actions in the far past. That might sound bad but it isn't at all. I have a chance to atone for my mistakes. This will help with the self hate thing a lot. I don't feel depressed so much as sad right now which isn't so bad. Basically I feel as if I'm growing right now which is exactly what I want. And if I put enough effort into this move forward maybe my next relationship will be permanent. And today I really really learned that even the slightest risk of getting a DUI is not worth driving drunk. I wouldn't die if I were locked up. I would change. And I'm pretty sure that change would be permanent and not pretty at all.

I'm ready for my creativity to come back. I'm ready for me to come back. Open to the future like a flower to the sun.