This story was written for the
thingsunwritten fic exchange, Round 2, based on
x_disturbed_x's requests. It's cross-posted, of course, to
thingsunwritten.
Request: I'd like to see a fic with a rating of PG-13 and up. The fic I would like is a good mpreg (male pregnancy) fic that is comedic and a bit fluffy. I'd like the couple to be surprised by the pregnancy but in a funny sort of way. I don't want any non-con or angst. I'd like the story to stay lighthearted and not get too serious.
~
x_disturbed_x Brill's Super-Amazing Mail-Order Bride
Nothing in Brill's life ever went according to plan.
To put it mildly, Brill was the black sheep of his family, a genetic throwback who, from birth, seemed to surround himself with one unexpected event after another. To start, his hair was jet black and his eyes were green-no one since his great-grandfather had coloring like that. His father loved everything about horses, while Brill loved cats and snakes, the latter of which were more likely to spook horses than anything else. Brill was an avid reader and swimmer, while his father hated going anywhere near the lake lest his pale skin freckle and burn, and the smell of dead fish not wash out of his white-blond hair for days.
Finally, Brill was attracted to men. His father, needless to say, was not pleased. "One child," his father said, "and you can go stick your wang in whatever you want....Er..." That was the most promising response Brill got from the man, who was busy picking Brill a bride instead of a husband.
But since nothing in Brill's life ever went according to plan, Brill was the only one unsurprised that when the mail-order bride finally arrived, it was a man.
"Thanks, Dad," he'd said, flashing his sputtering father an amused grin. He turned to the newest member of the family and said, "You're Andi, right?"
His legally wedded actually-a-husband nodded, and a tumble of red curls fell into his shocked blue eyes. "Am I to understand there's been a...mistake?"
"No mistake," Brill said. "I'm gay. Would you come with me, please?" Andi took Brill's outstretched hand and Brill hurried them out of his parents' house, across the lawn, and into the guest house. Unfortunately, until his own house was finished being built, he was stuck there.
It also meant he and Andi wouldn't be having sex until they moved onto land of their own.
As much as custom dictated that such things as the father picking the son's bride, and that newlyweds refrain from intercourse until they were in their own house, were better for the couple, Brill thought the social taboos enforcing those customs were a bit much. Barren couples weren't barren because they'd had sex before they had their own bed to do it on-that was all genetics. And the archaic tradition of fathers picking brides and mothers picking husband among the noble families was just ridiculous.
Perhaps the gay thing was what drove his father to seek a mail-order bride instead of someone the family knew. Anonymous women would put up much less fuss about being cuckolded than women with powerful families.
That still didn't explain why Andi-with-an-I was a boy though.
Once inside the guest house, Brill locked the door, slid the deadbolt home, and looked at Andi. "Hi," he said.
Andi smiled hesitantly. "Hi. Are you...Brilliant?"
Brill groaned. "Just Brill," he said. "I swear father was on a racehorse kick when he named me."
Andi started to chuckle, then seemed to stop himself.
"No, go on-laugh. It's ridiculous."
Andi grinned, and Brill felt better. "So-you're Andi. It's nice to meet you. Though I could've told father you were a boy if he'd bothered letting me see a picture."
"I think the site picture has my Adam's apple airbrushed out, actually." Andi shrugged. "I'm not entirely sure. Most of us on that site are men though. It's popular in gay circles because the men ordering us can pretend they didn't actually know. I just assumed your father knew, too."
"Oh." Brill really wanted to laugh. "Alright. Well-did you bring anything with you?"
Andi held out his empty hands, palms up. "Hope?"
Brill clapped a hand on Andi's shoulder and smiled. "Good enough."
*
Brill's father maintained his innocence in the matter of the mail-order actually-a-husband, and Brill and Andi were content to let it slide. Privately, Brill wondered how his father could put so much research into the horses he planned to purchase, and so little on Brill's bride-to-be.
That Andi was a quick study on horseback riding quickly endeared him to Brill's father. Brill's mother loved Andi because he could cook and help her in the kitchen. Brill loved Andi because he was easy to talk to, attractive, and because sometimes when Brill flirted with him, Andi flushed and stuttered. All in all, everyone was happy with the mail-order addition to the family.
Andi's only flaw, it seemed, was that he lacked a womb to bear Brill's parents grandchildren. "If only you were a woman," Brill's mother lamented for what felt like the thousandth time.
"Thank god you're not a woman," Brill said when she was out of earshot.
"You don't want kids?" Andi asked.
Brill shrugged. "I'd love kids-but I'd rather be with someone I love and raise someone else's kids than raise my own with someone I hate." He raised an eyebrow at Andi. "Why-do you not want kids?"
Andi ducked his head. "I definitely want kids," he said.
Brill leered then. "Well, I'll definitely try to get you pregnant then. Just-maybe we should look into adopting, too."
Andi flushed so hard his ears turned pink, and Brill laughed and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. Andi leaned into him, and they were standing like that when Brill's mother returned with the photo album she'd been looking for.
"Oh, aren't you two sweet!"
Andi tensed and tried to pull away, but Brill simply wrapped both arms around him and put his head on Andi's shoulder. "Please tell me the naked pictures aren't in there," he said to his mother.
Brill's mother ignored him and sat down at the dining room table.
Brill released Andi, who sat beside Brill's mother and looked at the first page of the album with a small smile. Brill leaned against Andi's chair, fiddling with his husband's red curls, and looking at the album with apprehension.
"Now this album is of Brill when he was a baby. He was darling, wasn't he?" Brill snorted, and his mother glared up at him. "You were, dear. Still are, of course, but there are things you can get away with when you're young that you certainly can't when you're older." She turned the page, and Brill abruptly said, "I'm leaving," just as his mother continued, "Like run around the front yard naked as a jay-bird." She pointed at the first photo in the set, and Brill hurried from the room.
Andi giggled as he left, but Brill didn't really mind. After all, it could be worse.
He could have been an ugly naked child.
*
They slept in their own house two months later, the night of the wedding ceremony in front of Brill's family and friends. The paperwork had been filled out long before Andi arrived, of course; the ceremony was just for Brill's parents to show off their good taste and wealth to the other nobles.
Everyone who came seemed surprised that Andi was a boy. And yet, everyone who came also seemed less surprised than they would have been had Brill not been the one getting married. Andi made a good impression on the guests, and after the ceremony was over, and the married couple went to their newly built and furnished house, Andi made a good impression on Brill, too.
They didn't actually go to sleep-and stay that way-until the sun was up.
That was mostly Andi's fault, Brill decided with a smile when he woke up around 5pm. Andi, who slept so peacefully, red curls tousled and bare shoulders soft above the sheets, had apparently been as attracted to Brill as Brill was to him. They'd scarcely gotten into the bedroom and begun removing their wedding attire before Andi's flushed cheeks and furtive glances gave way to a determined gaze and outwardly confident steps in Brill's direction.
Andi had undone Brill's tie, pulled Brill to him with it, and kissed him.
When Brill kissed back, Andi seemed to have all the permission he needed to let go of the tie and touch Brill himself.
Brill chuckled, seeing Andi sleeping so innocently now. Andi had woken him up three times in the night, after they'd fallen into a sex-satisfied drowse, just to begin the games again.
Not that Brill had been upset by that. Quite the contrary.
Brill wanted to go fix them breakfast, but he also didn't want Andi to wake up the morning-well, evening-after their wedding night by himself. Brill compromised by taking a page from Andi's book and molesting his husband in his sleep.
"Andi?" he said, crouching over his husband and stroking his chest. "Andi, are you up?"
Andi mumbled something into the pillow and Brill pinched one of his sensitive nipples to see if he'd mumble louder.
What he got instead was a luxurious stretch and the sight of Andi's blue eyes opening, foggy with sleep. Andi smiled when he saw Brill, and pulled him down for a kiss.
"Good morning, precious," Brill said.
Andi laughed and swatted Brill's shoulder. "Good morning, husband-mine."
Brill grinned back. "Are you hungry?"
Andi's eyes lit up and he ran his hands down Brill's back and pulled him down until they were touching chest to thigh. "Yes," he said, squeezing Brill's ass.
"For food," Brill said, nevertheless stroking Andi's cheek and pressing kisses to his jaw.
"In a little while," Andi said, and rolled them over, kicking his legs out of the sheet and settling on top of Brill's hips. "First, I think we should fuck."
Brill's laughter turned into a groan when Andi pressed back against his waking cock.
"I think you agree with me," Andi said. He leaned down and stole a kiss that left Brill panting, and seemed to barely stop himself from stealing another. "After all," he said slyly, "you did promise to try to get me pregnant."
"Right," Brill said, pulling Andi's head down for another kiss and grinding against him. "Let's work on that, then."
*
Three months later, Andi was doing strange, girly things like dry-heaving into the toilet in the mornings and afternoons. Girly things like getting upset for seemingly no reason, and not fitting into his tightest pairs of pants. Girly things like buying foods he loathed and fixing them for himself at all hours of the night. Brill felt like he was walking on eggshells around his husband. He also felt like he was missing something obvious.
The feeling got worse when Andi cooked them a big dinner and set out the best silver and china, and kept the turkey knife close within his reach-and out of Brill's-at all times.
"So, what's the occasion?" Brill asked when they were done.
"Does there need to be an occasion?" Andi asked testily. At Brill's startled look, Andi sighed and said, "I'm sorry. I've been on edge lately. I suppose you've noticed."
Brill nodded cautiously.
"I'm pregnant," Andi said. "I checked with my doctor this morning, and it's definitely a baby."
For once, Brill felt surprise along with the inevitable thud in his chest that signified something unexpected-impossible, even-had once again happened in his life. "Pregnant?"
Andi looked worried. "Well, you wanted kids, right? You-are you upset?"
"Pregnant?" Brill said again. Andi's eyes looked too wide and glassy to be healthy, and Brill got up, pushed Andi's chair out, and knelt at his feet. "So," he said at last, "A baby, huh?"
Andi nodded shakily. Brill clasped his hands, rubbing them softly with his thumbs, and grinned. "Wow. So...that getting you pregnant thing worked, huh. Cool."
Andi thumped him on the head, but was smiling hesitantly when he said, "Yeah."
"Are you OK with it? I mean, it probably came as a huge shock."
"Well, it did and it didn't," Andi said.
Brill felt that surprise again, stilling his hands for a moment before resumed rubbing Andi's. "Didn't how?"
Andi sighed. "Let's clear the table first."
The story unfolded while the dishwasher thrummed and the fire in the living room crackled and warmed their feet. Andi was cuddled into Brill's side, and Brill had his arms wrapped around his pregnant-and-somewhat-unsurprised husband, and was tugging absently at his curls. "So," Brill said at last, "one of the reasons you were allowed to marry a noble was you're genetically enhanced to be able to bear children?"
"It was a story my Mom used to tell me. I thought she was trying to scare me away from having sex with boys."
"Oh." Brill paused. "Did it?"
"I had sex with you," Andi said. "But back home, you don't have sex with people until you're married. Superstition says a man only has so much sperm or something."
"But you have genetic enhancements."
"Apparently." Andy chuckled. "Superstition isn't supposed to make sense. That's why it's superstition."
"Gotcha," Brill said, and tugged his pregnant husband onto his lap. "So, did the doctor tell you when having sex starts becoming dangerous to the baby?"
Andi's eyes lit up. "Well, he said the situation's not entirely comparable to a woman's pregnancy...but I should be fine for at least a few more months. Until it gets uncomfortable for me, anyway."
"Uncomfortable? Got it," Brill said, planting a quick kiss on Andi's mouth.
"But he also said if it got uncomfortable that we could switch positions."
Brill grinned. "I think I can deal with that."
Andi stood up and then sat down squarely in Brill's lap, straddling him and then wiggling until their bodies touched in a solid line from thighs on up. He cupped Brill's face and said, "Good. Hell if you're denying my right to be thoroughly fucked just because I'm pregnant."
Brill laughed into the next kiss, and then melted back into the couch. Andi followed his body's movements, and both were soon undulating together, still not entirely undressed despite numerous attempts to divest each other of clothing (each of which was distracted by the other's kiss, touch, heat), cocks out and hard, breath coming sharp and fast.
When it was over, Brill and Andi leaned against each other and just breathed.
"So, we're having a baby," Brill said.
Andi nodded. "Yeah."
Brill grinned. "You wanna tell my mother, or should I?"
*
Andi got to tell Brill's mother, and Brill got to tell his father. Neither of his parents quite believed them until they saw an ultrasound, by which point it was much too late to pretend a baby wasn't, in fact, on the way.
Brill's parents took to the news-once it had been confirmed-with the usual baffled acceptance they had whenever something unexpected and strange happened regarding their son. After Andi's belly got bigger and he started letting people feel the baby kick, the rest of the community got into the swing of things too.
"Did you hear that Brill boy is having a baby?"
"You know, I could've sworn it was that pretty husband of his who was pregnant!"
"Oh, I meant it's his husband who's pregnant, but really. Would it surprise you if it turned out to be Brill?"
Laughter usually followed conversations like this one, since everyone knew Brill's track record with the unusual. Still, most people were curious, if not excited, that Brill's husband was pregnant. Newspapers covered the pregnancy like Brill and Andi were movie stars, calling the house and asking how Andi was doing, what the scoop was, when the baby was due. A news crew even came to interview the pair, and seemed surprised that Andi wasn't developing breasts.
Andi was thoroughly embarrassed by all the attention. Still, everyone who met him thought he was charming and remarkably calm for a man who was pregnant-not that there was really a precedent.
For Brill, it was odd that so many men-straight and gay-were coming up to him to ask about his sex life. Strangers clapped Brill on the shoulder and waggled their eyebrows when they saw him on the street. "That's some sperm you got there," one even said. Brill smiled self-consciously at the attention, but each time, extricated himself from the situation as quickly as possible.
It was almost a relief when the baby came.
The birth happened in a private hospital wing reserved for high-profile patients. "I feel like a celebrity," Andi said when they pushed him in a wheelchair to his private room.
"You are a celebrity," Brill said, tugging his hair. He helped Andi get comfortable in his hospital bed while the nurses did all the necessary IV hook-ups and temperature and blood pressure readings, and then sat with Andi through the operation, which Andi was put to sleep for.
After it was all over, Brill sat with Andi while he slept. The baby was elsewhere in the hospital getting cleaned up and tested for any health issues. Brill hoped they brought her back soon.
Andi's eyelids started to flutter after about an hour. Brill quickly pressed the nurse call button. Andi's eyes opened entirely, and Brill smiled at his sweet expression and kissed his cheek. "Hello, beautiful," he said
"Hi." Andi licked his lips. "Where's the baby?"
The nurse came in then, left quickly, and brought back a doctor. She also brought back a quiet bundle in her arms.
"Is that her?" Andi asked, trying to sit up.
The nurse nodded, and the doctor raised the back of the bed for Andi to sit more easily. "She's all cleaned up and ready for you."
Andi took the baby with reverence, and Brill watched, wishing he hadn't left the camera in the waiting room with his parents before the operation.
The nurse took Andi's vitals, the doctor checked them and made sure Andi wasn't in any pain, and then the two left the couple and child alone.
"She's...wow," Andi said.
Brill ran a careful finger over her frizzy black hair, and Andi stroked her soft, pale cheek. "Yeah," Brill said. "I know."
"I didn't think..." Andi looked up at Brill with glistening eyes. "We're daddies now."
Brill grinned, half in shock. "Yeah, I guess we are."
"You wanna hold her?"
Brill did, and took her as gently as he could. He knew the smile on his face was ridiculous, but he couldn't help it. "We're your daddies," he whispered softly to the little girl in his arms.
She gurgled and turned in her sleep.
*
Their doctor had Andi come in every week for the next month to check on his healing and make sure there was no lasting damage. There was none that he or his colleagues could see, and Andi, for his part, seemed as pleased with life as ever.
As did Sarah, the newest addition to the family, and one that Brill's parents seemed determined to spoil.
"Don't put sugar in her formula," Brill told his father.
"What? She'll like it! I can already tell she's got a sweet tooth."
Brill sighed in exasperation, and Andi chuckled from where he was sorting picture doubles with Brill's mother to go in the photo album she was starting for Sarah.
"Honey, don't put sugar in my granddaughter's milk," Brill's mother said in a warning tone. "I don't want her rotting her teeth before she has them."
"You raise your grandson your way and I'll raise my granddaughter my way," Brill's father grumbled. He did put the sugar back in the cupboard though, making faces at Sarah as he did. "Don't worry, they can't be watching all the time," he said, seemingly oblivious to the rest of the room's occupants.
"He'd better not try," Brill's mother snapped.
"What's this about a grandson?" Brill asked his mother.
"Oh, we've made a deal, your father and I. But until there's a grandson, he's certainly not going to monopolize my granddaughter."
Andi glanced worriedly at Brill, and Brill shrugged, though he felt no less worried. "What makes you think there's going to be a grandson?" he asked.
Brill's father laughed. Brill's mother said, "The way the two of you carry on, I'd be surprised if there wasn't a brood of children running around this house within the next few years."
Andi flushed. Brill's eyes narrowed.
"What?" Brill's mother said. "Do you disagree with me?"
Sarah cried sharply at that moment, and it wasn't until Brill's father handed her off to Andi that she quieted down. Andi cooed down at the baby, who sucked greedily on her milk bottle. Brill smiled at the sight, feeling his heart swell in his chest.
Brill's parents chuckled, starling him into looking up at them. They were looking at Brill and Andi with knowing expressions on their faces. "A brood," Brill's mother said. "Just watch."