Karmic Relationships
Em um fórum de Twin Souls/Soulmates por aí na internet...
I was going to post this as a reply to the repeated numbers topic, but then I started writing and writing and couldn't stop, this became an even bigger question, that I want to share with you, because I've read this forum a lot of times, never really participated (afraid of my weak english), too blocked to write about my (supposed)soulmate's question(it's toooo long). And now I'm through this situation with a karmic relationship and I think that a view from people who believes in the stuff would be gold. So here I go.
Recently I've broke up with a boyfriend who I've been in a relationship for nealy five years(not my soulmate). It ended up in a very ugly way. I've never been so insulted, misunderstood and mistreated my whole life. I knew we couldn't be even friends anymore, even know our love came out of beautiful friendship. Instead I couldn't help the desperation I was feeling and I kept on trying to contact him to give him guidance to subjects I've always been fearful to deal while in the relationship, because he has a badly resolved spirituality, he was unconsciously terrified of spiritual matters(he was too rational to know even his fear), always a sensitive spot to touch. He accepted it, to see me and listen and give it a try, but it was like a creepy game: the more I tried to help, the colder and mean he showed up(so why he showed up anyway? I really think he's one of the meanest people I'd ever know. The worse ones are the ones trying to look nice).
At this time while I was trying to help him, I started seeing 11:11. The first time I saw it, really, was the last time I went to his house before we broke up, when I was leaving his room. The second time, I was at a subway station and the train on the other side was still, then inside of it I saw a boy who looked a lot like him, my heart beating faster, so much I started walking closer, nervous. Then the train started departing, and exactly where he was standing, the departed train revealed the station's clock showing 11:11, I started crying, I was confused. Didn't know why I was seeing this, what was that supposed to mean anyway? Keep trying or give up? I couldn't tell. Days after he send me a phone text telling he didn't know if he could see me to talk. The time the message was sent? 11:11. I still don't know what this all means, thought I'm sure there's a meaning.
Things got even worse. I decided by myself I couldn't help him anymore and I went to see him and tell him I would block and delete every way of contact with him, because it was only putting me down and I figured out there was no other way. He showed himself upset, kissed me, hugged me, said he didn't know if he could stop seeing me and begged I would at least call him the next day(that was his birthday), I said I couldn't, but that I'd may think about it. It was 9.9.9 - yes, a completion day! By the way, this 9.9.9 day, it was one of my best friend's birthday and he knew it and he insisted he wanted to see me in that day just to trouble/try to get to know what we would do or go later, he tried a lot of times to get it. Then, once again, I failed and called him at his birthday(10.9). He laughed at my face, saying he was so sure I would call, I told him how bad that was taking me for granted and hung up. Then when I started checking my social networks at my computer, I discovered that many days before our conversation he created a new profile with eveyone on it but me, my family and friends. I was sooo mad, I called him at that right moment to ask why he kissed me, said that didn't want to let me go, to lose contact(above else) why he did all of that if he didn't mean it. It's not funny! He said he wouldn't talk at the moment and hung up at my face, then I called again and he hung up again. The other time it was his father who answered, and he said my ex wouldn't talk(what I think is unnaceptable because my ex is old enough even to live with his parents), and was about to hung up in my face so I cursed him(something with ass). Oh, it was a mess, I triggered his father's schizoid matters and he cursed me back, yelled, forbidden me to call again or show up at his house(who cares). And apparently my ex used it as an excuse to not answer any message or phone call from on. Yes, it was the last time I talked to him, I tried the whole next day than gave a final message. And my friends were all very supportive, thought my (supposed) soul mate was the only one who really convinced me to ever talk to him again, even if I really need my answer. He is mean, the end. He is coward, he let his father threat me morally and physically only because he needs something in his ass(It's my sense of humor, blame on me), and have nothing to say about it. Before being my boyfriend, he was my best friend and that is not what friends do to each other. He plays good guy with everyone and act so coldly mean with me, in a way only I can see it's mean. And he triggers me hot blooded, then pretend he don't know what's happening - so to eveyone I'm the mean girl, cause I curse, I kick, I scream to the world how I feel, I'm not ashamed of it, I can play with my shadows and get out of it right away. Guess that the ones that tries too hard to look soft are the ones who can't compromise themselves with darker ways without getting stucked, that's why they're so afraid. Besides, people knows I'm generally calm, cold blooded, serene, very patient(people always loved to remark how I'm patient to deal with it for five years), i'm not a leaver - but he just triggered it, he took me completely out of control, made sick, lifeless. I sincerely wish I was not that patient, I would not destroy myself for so long. But you know what it's for...
...It's love. It's what put us here, in this planet. If it wasn't for love why would we be here? I know it's a karmic relationship, It's like I've always knew. Since I met him I knew we were friends, I felt a deep empathy, but I only met him because I went some degrees low in my energy weeks before. We shared a school and some friends and I'd never noticed him till then. It was an intense, time eating friendship, we were so quickly attached and then so attracted, our bodys glued with so much chemestry even in a friendly hug so it was not difficult to get to another level. But then I started getting sick, looking pale, less happy. I had intense, strange dreams with him. I was nearly attacked by a sexual vampire while I was sleeping by his side, it have never happened to me before. I believe it was not him and I sincerely did not blame him for it, but times after he showed up upset like I've blamed him, what is very strange. I've already saw people cursing me at his bedroom, weird or not, I always felt that people could have something to do with his father. He always showed up cold and strange in my dreams, exactly how he showed up after we broke up. Always attached to power or sexual abuse scenarios(Pluto anyone? Yes, too much). And I appeared as a girlfriend who was striving on the shadow of a handsome, confident, powerful but cruel man or a girlfriend in deep sorrow, holding him, crying, giving him spiritual medicine to his sexual disease(as he was a raper). I've already saw him in a kind of limbo that I dreamed before, a lot of times. A grey building, with a disgusting sewer/dirty water river, and I was trying to reach him there. I was trying to convince him to get him out of the river, but he was confused, didn't understood anything. Then some kind of 'police' came to 'arrest'/intervention him because he was in the river and I knew if they did it I would not see him anymore so I jumped on the river so they would take me too. I know it's true because I've already saw me working in this kind of place before, my dear cousin once was struggling in a bad fase and I didn't knew it, after I dreamed I was taking him from a muddy lake I got to know the history and to know how much better he was.
I know I was here to help him. And I feel so, so frustrated I failed. The worst isn't the relationship breaking, it's the friendship failure, the feeling of time wasted with someone who was only up to games. I was the one who decided we should break up, because I was too shattered, distant from my spirituality for so long, drained so much I became hopeless and that it was up to him to decide to change his ways(everyone could see he didn't even cared for me anymore) and value me or let me go, for my mental health's sake, above all else. He made his choice. The worst is not the rejection, but the circunstances around it, it's all creepy. I've already had difficulties with people being mean with me, with losing friends, losing love, but never like that, never. I miss his light side, I grieve it all so much, but now it's like we're living in completely different worlds. I walk near places he goes almost everyday and I have never ever seen him again. I'm slowly recovering to my grace state, he's spiralling down(I feel it). Energies that, out of love, are never supposed to meet. And I know now he doesn't love me, he just had to have me and unconsciously felt he couldn't game any more. There's days I feel protected, like angels surround me, one day when I was waking up I had a vision of thousand serene smiling figures surroundind me telling 'It will be ok, we're with you' but it's like it's not enough, my grieve stays stuck in my heart, it's a hard walk.
Now I'm seeing 222, 22:22's... ?
Thank you so much for reading, for your energy and patience!
Love,
Taís.
The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart
And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became
I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you
I was going to post this as a reply to the repeated numbers topic, but then I started writing and writing and couldn't stop, this became an even bigger question, that I want to share with you, because I've read this forum a lot of times, never really participated (afraid of my weak english), too blocked to write about my (supposed)soulmate's question(it's toooo long). And now I'm through this situation with a karmic relationship and I think that a view from people who believes in the stuff would be gold. So here I go.
Recently I've broke up with a boyfriend who I've been in a relationship for nealy five years(not my soulmate). It ended up in a very ugly way. I've never been so insulted, misunderstood and mistreated my whole life. I knew we couldn't be even friends anymore, even know our love came out of beautiful friendship. Instead I couldn't help the desperation I was feeling and I kept on trying to contact him to give him guidance to subjects I've always been fearful to deal while in the relationship, because he has a badly resolved spirituality, he was unconsciously terrified of spiritual matters(he was too rational to know even his fear), always a sensitive spot to touch. He accepted it, to see me and listen and give it a try, but it was like a creepy game: the more I tried to help, the colder and mean he showed up(so why he showed up anyway? I really think he's one of the meanest people I'd ever know. The worse ones are the ones trying to look nice).
At this time while I was trying to help him, I started seeing 11:11. The first time I saw it, really, was the last time I went to his house before we broke up, when I was leaving his room. The second time, I was at a subway station and the train on the other side was still, then inside of it I saw a boy who looked a lot like him, my heart beating faster, so much I started walking closer, nervous. Then the train started departing, and exactly where he was standing, the departed train revealed the station's clock showing 11:11, I started crying, I was confused. Didn't know why I was seeing this, what was that supposed to mean anyway? Keep trying or give up? I couldn't tell. Days after he send me a phone text telling he didn't know if he could see me to talk. The time the message was sent? 11:11. I still don't know what this all means, thought I'm sure there's a meaning.
Things got even worse. I decided by myself I couldn't help him anymore and I went to see him and tell him I would block and delete every way of contact with him, because it was only putting me down and I figured out there was no other way. He showed himself upset, kissed me, hugged me, said he didn't know if he could stop seeing me and begged I would at least call him the next day(that was his birthday), I said I couldn't, but that I'd may think about it. It was 9.9.9 - yes, a completion day! By the way, this 9.9.9 day, it was one of my best friend's birthday and he knew it and he insisted he wanted to see me in that day just to trouble/try to get to know what we would do or go later, he tried a lot of times to get it. Then, once again, I failed and called him at his birthday(10.9). He laughed at my face, saying he was so sure I would call, I told him how bad that was taking me for granted and hung up. Then when I started checking my social networks at my computer, I discovered that many days before our conversation he created a new profile with eveyone on it but me, my family and friends. I was sooo mad, I called him at that right moment to ask why he kissed me, said that didn't want to let me go, to lose contact(above else) why he did all of that if he didn't mean it. It's not funny! He said he wouldn't talk at the moment and hung up at my face, then I called again and he hung up again. The other time it was his father who answered, and he said my ex wouldn't talk(what I think is unnaceptable because my ex is old enough even to live with his parents), and was about to hung up in my face so I cursed him(something with ass). Oh, it was a mess, I triggered his father's schizoid matters and he cursed me back, yelled, forbidden me to call again or show up at his house(who cares). And apparently my ex used it as an excuse to not answer any message or phone call from on. Yes, it was the last time I talked to him, I tried the whole next day than gave a final message. And my friends were all very supportive, thought my (supposed) soul mate was the only one who really convinced me to ever talk to him again, even if I really need my answer. He is mean, the end. He is coward, he let his father threat me morally and physically only because he needs something in his ass(It's my sense of humor, blame on me), and have nothing to say about it. Before being my boyfriend, he was my best friend and that is not what friends do to each other. He plays good guy with everyone and act so coldly mean with me, in a way only I can see it's mean. And he triggers me hot blooded, then pretend he don't know what's happening - so to eveyone I'm the mean girl, cause I curse, I kick, I scream to the world how I feel, I'm not ashamed of it, I can play with my shadows and get out of it right away. Guess that the ones that tries too hard to look soft are the ones who can't compromise themselves with darker ways without getting stucked, that's why they're so afraid. Besides, people knows I'm generally calm, cold blooded, serene, very patient(people always loved to remark how I'm patient to deal with it for five years), i'm not a leaver - but he just triggered it, he took me completely out of control, made sick, lifeless. I sincerely wish I was not that patient, I would not destroy myself for so long. But you know what it's for...
...It's love. It's what put us here, in this planet. If it wasn't for love why would we be here? I know it's a karmic relationship, It's like I've always knew. Since I met him I knew we were friends, I felt a deep empathy, but I only met him because I went some degrees low in my energy weeks before. We shared a school and some friends and I'd never noticed him till then. It was an intense, time eating friendship, we were so quickly attached and then so attracted, our bodys glued with so much chemestry even in a friendly hug so it was not difficult to get to another level. But then I started getting sick, looking pale, less happy. I had intense, strange dreams with him. I was nearly attacked by a sexual vampire while I was sleeping by his side, it have never happened to me before. I believe it was not him and I sincerely did not blame him for it, but times after he showed up upset like I've blamed him, what is very strange. I've already saw people cursing me at his bedroom, weird or not, I always felt that people could have something to do with his father. He always showed up cold and strange in my dreams, exactly how he showed up after we broke up. Always attached to power or sexual abuse scenarios(Pluto anyone? Yes, too much). And I appeared as a girlfriend who was striving on the shadow of a handsome, confident, powerful but cruel man or a girlfriend in deep sorrow, holding him, crying, giving him spiritual medicine to his sexual disease(as he was a raper). I've already saw him in a kind of limbo that I dreamed before, a lot of times. A grey building, with a disgusting sewer/dirty water river, and I was trying to reach him there. I was trying to convince him to get him out of the river, but he was confused, didn't understood anything. Then some kind of 'police' came to 'arrest'/intervention him because he was in the river and I knew if they did it I would not see him anymore so I jumped on the river so they would take me too. I know it's true because I've already saw me working in this kind of place before, my dear cousin once was struggling in a bad fase and I didn't knew it, after I dreamed I was taking him from a muddy lake I got to know the history and to know how much better he was.
I know I was here to help him. And I feel so, so frustrated I failed. The worst isn't the relationship breaking, it's the friendship failure, the feeling of time wasted with someone who was only up to games. I was the one who decided we should break up, because I was too shattered, distant from my spirituality for so long, drained so much I became hopeless and that it was up to him to decide to change his ways(everyone could see he didn't even cared for me anymore) and value me or let me go, for my mental health's sake, above all else. He made his choice. The worst is not the rejection, but the circunstances around it, it's all creepy. I've already had difficulties with people being mean with me, with losing friends, losing love, but never like that, never. I miss his light side, I grieve it all so much, but now it's like we're living in completely different worlds. I walk near places he goes almost everyday and I have never ever seen him again. I'm slowly recovering to my grace state, he's spiralling down(I feel it). Energies that, out of love, are never supposed to meet. And I know now he doesn't love me, he just had to have me and unconsciously felt he couldn't game any more. There's days I feel protected, like angels surround me, one day when I was waking up I had a vision of thousand serene smiling figures surroundind me telling 'It will be ok, we're with you' but it's like it's not enough, my grieve stays stuck in my heart, it's a hard walk.
Now I'm seeing 222, 22:22's... ?
Thank you so much for reading, for your energy and patience!
Love,
Taís.
The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart
And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became
I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you