What's a girl to do?
So. Damn. I've been having to drive my grandmother all over the damned place. Like 20 times withing the past few days. But at least I don't have to anymore. She finally got her car back. Yay.
So yesterday, I had my speech all nice and written out and I knew most of it, but for some reason I totally blanked like 3 times during my speech. I have no fucking clue what happened.
But also, before class I ended up going to the west wing with Jason to the spot where they have a couch at the end of the hallway... Yeah, I just noticed that sounds sort of bad. But I was going to go there and memorize my speech more, and Jason was going to go home and work on his paper, but we ended up sitting there the entire hour I had before class started. We started talking about different things, and then before we left, he sort of hugged me from behind and sort of stayed that way for a while. I'm not sure what happened, it made me a little nervous.
It made me wonder as we went different ways. I noticed for some reason I couldn't hold eye contact with him for long. It just made me sort of think. I guess I sort of like Jason, I did tell him that he was like the only other guy out of they guys that I'd think about dating.
But I'm so confused again. I skipped karate last tuesday to sit and talk with Cesar. I got him to tell me some things, like the fact that he's still a little "traumatized" from his last relationships, and that he needs some time.
And so the whole "giving-up-on-Cesar" thing isn't exactly happening. I tried, but I think it sort of phased out. Trying not to love someone you truly care about is VERY hard.
And so my dilemma: Whether or not to try and see what happens with Cesar, or to try and seriously think about dating Jason. I'm very, very, very, very confused. And a little depressed.
I just wish there were things that I could know for sure. I seriously wish I had the power to read minds. God that would help me.
It's just, I guess I'm afraid. I was going to try to see if I could find some other guys around my on this True.com. I found a couple, and I sort of talk to them, but I don't know. I'm still in love with Cesar, and I'm afraid of not being around him. I just, I'm so attached to him because, I guess I feel like it was my first real, complete relationship. Because we saw each other almost everyday, we talked, we went places together, just the two of us. And we've done some serious things. I just really don't know what to do. And I wish I did. I'm tired of being confused, and I don't really want to be lonely, but I don't know if I can bring my self to want anyone else.
I JUST DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO THINK.
help me, please?
So yesterday, I had my speech all nice and written out and I knew most of it, but for some reason I totally blanked like 3 times during my speech. I have no fucking clue what happened.
But also, before class I ended up going to the west wing with Jason to the spot where they have a couch at the end of the hallway... Yeah, I just noticed that sounds sort of bad. But I was going to go there and memorize my speech more, and Jason was going to go home and work on his paper, but we ended up sitting there the entire hour I had before class started. We started talking about different things, and then before we left, he sort of hugged me from behind and sort of stayed that way for a while. I'm not sure what happened, it made me a little nervous.
It made me wonder as we went different ways. I noticed for some reason I couldn't hold eye contact with him for long. It just made me sort of think. I guess I sort of like Jason, I did tell him that he was like the only other guy out of they guys that I'd think about dating.
But I'm so confused again. I skipped karate last tuesday to sit and talk with Cesar. I got him to tell me some things, like the fact that he's still a little "traumatized" from his last relationships, and that he needs some time.
And so the whole "giving-up-on-Cesar" thing isn't exactly happening. I tried, but I think it sort of phased out. Trying not to love someone you truly care about is VERY hard.
And so my dilemma: Whether or not to try and see what happens with Cesar, or to try and seriously think about dating Jason. I'm very, very, very, very confused. And a little depressed.
I just wish there were things that I could know for sure. I seriously wish I had the power to read minds. God that would help me.
It's just, I guess I'm afraid. I was going to try to see if I could find some other guys around my on this True.com. I found a couple, and I sort of talk to them, but I don't know. I'm still in love with Cesar, and I'm afraid of not being around him. I just, I'm so attached to him because, I guess I feel like it was my first real, complete relationship. Because we saw each other almost everyday, we talked, we went places together, just the two of us. And we've done some serious things. I just really don't know what to do. And I wish I did. I'm tired of being confused, and I don't really want to be lonely, but I don't know if I can bring my self to want anyone else.
I JUST DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO THINK.
help me, please?