Confidence Shaking
I may have mentioned that at a recent SAG-AFTRA "thing" I went to, the life-coach spent a good chunk of time talking about affirmations and breaking negative habits. At the time, I thought "I have enough confidence; this isn't for me."
Fast-forward to now. Another writing contest I entered - this time on Amazon - and I didn't even make it past the first round.
An acquaintance had agreed to read my script. It's been a month since I last heard they were "loving it" but needed more time. I'm going to assume they didn't finish. Like a lot of people - some very close to me - who decide to read what I've written. Now, I've left things unfinished that I've liked. Life gets in the way, other stuff is newer and prettier. However, this seems like a pattern.
And I'm not very happy with my lack of productivity as of late. It takes me 2 hours to get to the gym for less than 2 hours of working out. I ain't doing that much that I need to heavily monitor what I eat then how long I wait to take my "Hulk Juice."
So now I'm kind of putting my hopes in acting, for better or (likely) worse. I get headshots next week, from this lady: http://poyeyphotos.com/ I absolutely love her shots. I was recommended by an agent who has been giving me some help lately. It's going to be very expensive, and I probably need to go shopping for some "edgy" or "guy-next-door" looks, because my clothes mostly consist of t-shirts and shit that's too small since I've been working out. Gonna hit Macy's and this wardrobe-department reseller "It's A Wrap" this weekend. The agent is considering representing me.
I had a thought recently: If I don't make $20,000 acting this year, I may just give up. Of course, writing isn't doing much either. Maybe I have to be a Johnny Lunchpail. If I can find a job doing that. But now Kate has invested time AND money in me doing this, so I feel like I'd be letting her down. You'd think that would inspire me to work harder. I don't even really know how to work harder toward this. Frustrating. Fucked.
Fast-forward to now. Another writing contest I entered - this time on Amazon - and I didn't even make it past the first round.
An acquaintance had agreed to read my script. It's been a month since I last heard they were "loving it" but needed more time. I'm going to assume they didn't finish. Like a lot of people - some very close to me - who decide to read what I've written. Now, I've left things unfinished that I've liked. Life gets in the way, other stuff is newer and prettier. However, this seems like a pattern.
And I'm not very happy with my lack of productivity as of late. It takes me 2 hours to get to the gym for less than 2 hours of working out. I ain't doing that much that I need to heavily monitor what I eat then how long I wait to take my "Hulk Juice."
So now I'm kind of putting my hopes in acting, for better or (likely) worse. I get headshots next week, from this lady: http://poyeyphotos.com/ I absolutely love her shots. I was recommended by an agent who has been giving me some help lately. It's going to be very expensive, and I probably need to go shopping for some "edgy" or "guy-next-door" looks, because my clothes mostly consist of t-shirts and shit that's too small since I've been working out. Gonna hit Macy's and this wardrobe-department reseller "It's A Wrap" this weekend. The agent is considering representing me.
I had a thought recently: If I don't make $20,000 acting this year, I may just give up. Of course, writing isn't doing much either. Maybe I have to be a Johnny Lunchpail. If I can find a job doing that. But now Kate has invested time AND money in me doing this, so I feel like I'd be letting her down. You'd think that would inspire me to work harder. I don't even really know how to work harder toward this. Frustrating. Fucked.