Cruise Chronicle 2012
Before I get to the details, here are my top 9 bullet points from the cruise:
1. I had more fun than I thought I would
2. Snuba is such a great way to explore underwater
3. I love my niece and nephew, though they don’t know how good they have it
4. Developing nations can be pretty depressing at times
5. The Mitchum family is so cool that I enjoyed all the time I spent with them
6. It wasn’t bad being unplugged from outside communication for a week
7. I miss getting some color from our friend the sun
8. Oddly, the best place to eat on the ship was the buffet
9. I picked up a new skill: juggling
Travel Day (To)
Kate and I flew out the day before the ship took off, as we’re coming from the other side of the U.S. Her folks got our flight using Delta miles. I haven’t flown Delta for a long time (since the Northwest merger). The customer service was ass-tacular, but one thing really impressed me: The 5-hour flight from LA to Atlanta was on a new 777. Tall and roomy, we had personal entertainment screens. The amount of movies at our disposal was staggering, and for free! I got to watch the Tribe Called Quest documentary, which was great. I believe we got food, too. It felt like an international flight - which was because the plane continued on to Australia.
With Delta’s pokiness and only a 45-minute layover, we missed our connecting flight to Tampa. We ran across the airport to our gate, only to find it locked and vacant. With 10 minutes left before scheduled departure. I was unhappy, and the fact that the chick working the gate across the way literally ignored me while talking on the phone didn’t help. The automated system tried to book us for the NEXT MORNING, printing out travel and meal vouchers. Fuck that, I said, stashing them in my back pocket and getting in line to talk to a human. Thankfully, we were booked on the next flight to Tampa (an hour later), though we didn’t get to sit together. You better believe we used those ($6) meal vouchers at the food court.
In lighter news, Jay Pharaoh from SNL (he does dead-on Will Smith, Jay-Z and Denzel impressions) was on our flight from LA. He and his lady were wearing matching Vitamin Water hoodies. Seemed everywhere we looked in Atlanta, we saw him. I told Kate, “Next time I see him, I’m going to be like, ‘Okay, I acknowledge you. I like your work. Now stop stalking us.’” He must have heard, because we never saw him after that.
In Tampa, Dan picked us up at the airport with his lady friend. I miss that guy. We visited in our hotel room until Kate began to nod off. Despite a huge bed, we both slept like shit.
Sea Day #1
Next day, we caught the shuttle to the ship, where a massive line begat another massive line. It was here we realized going on a cruise is a bit of a white-trash vacation (codename: WTV). Eventually and thankfully, however, we spotted people of other races. We also saw the Mitchums, who were ahead of us in line. We got on, found our quaint little stateroom (with window), and met up for lunch at Versailles.
The restaurants did not give a good first impression. My fish & chips was not much food. However, since it was free, I ordered a chicken dish for “dessert.” Freestyle cruising, baby! Our dinner at Aqua was much better, with a pretty diverse and tasty menu. They had everyday dishes, then one-day-only regional selections.
On a cruise ship, any time you stay still for a minute, someone will take your picture. That was the case at these and most other non-buffet meals. We also had pictures taken, in front of a green screen, before getting on the ship. They superimpose the ship itself, then. However, if you’re wearing any type of green, it’s like you’re transparent. We saw shots of people that looked like disembodied heads because of their choice of shirt. Funny.
That night, we saw the welcome show in the theatre. They had corny showtune singers doing Mama Mia; the comedy duo of Sharkbait, former Barnum & Bailey clowns; and our cruise director, Kyle. Kyle sang “Cabaret,” which was cheddar, swiss and Muenster. The guy is a trip, working the crowd with schtick. He also would come on the PA at all hours of the day to update us on what was going on both on and off-ship.
Sea Day #2
We had a second full sea day, because the path goes to the southernmost point of our loop first, then doubles back around. Something interesting was that there were 2 time changes. So twice we had to set our clocks back, then twice we had to set our clocks forward. Of course, Florida is Eastern time compared to LA’s Pacific, so it was all kind of weirdness. Speaking of time, I bought a watch beforehand. I didn’t want to have my iPhone all over, especially since it was useless as a phone out of the country (or would charge crazy international fees).
The kids spent tons of time at the pools. There’s a main pool area with 2 slides, 4 jacuzzis and 4 small saltwater pools. The kid section in the back had 2 more slides, and a couple little pools. As a kid, I’d go to the neighborhood park’s pool literally every day, for almost all day, so I see the appeal. In all my time on the ship, I think I spent a minute in one adult pool and about 5 minutes in a hottub. Those areas were usually packed, and just finding a place to lounge on the top deck was near impossible.
Kate and I wanted to go read once, and ended up doing a few unsuccessful laps before going to a lower deck and eventually finding some deckchairs. I re-read Hunger Games on my Kindle, which kind of made me feel like a newb since it’s the hotness. I wanted to yell aloud, “I read this already, way before the movie came out!”
Dinner was to celebrate niece Calla’s 6th birthday. Pat (Kate’s mom) had arranged to have a chocolate cake, so when one piece of white cake came out, she was less than pleased. Coincidentally, the head of chefs was around, and said he’d “make” Calla a cake for the next night. He also had some chocolate-covered strawberries sent to Calla’s room. How sweet! There’s a great picture of Calla with Chef Barrington, but it’s with Larry’s (Kate’s dad’s) shots, which I don’t have access to yet.
We also saw the Wildcats of Kentucky cream Kansas in the NCAA basketball championship. There was another group of UK backers in the Lion’s Head bar where the game was shown, so it was a raucous crowd.
Shore Day #1
Our first day for excursions was in Roatan, Honduras. That was where Kate and I booked a snuba trip, while the rest of the fam had a private guided tour of the island. Snuba rocks so hard. It’s like SCUBA, but the tank is on a raft above you, connected with a tube. It was great to dive 10+ feet down, then equalize your ears by yawning while breathing normally. Kate just stayed on the surface, but I think she dug it too. Since we just walked in from the beach, the fish weren’t that amazing, but it was still a lot of fun. Then we lounged in the resort until it was time to go.
Upon returning to the ship, we had buffet lunch. I have anti-buffet biases, but that place was great! Their breakfast had wonderful fruit (including the best honeydew ever) and decent oatmeal. Lunch and dinner even had flavorful Indian food. Our family had a table that we almost always got to ourselves, and it served as a meeting spot throughout the trip. My only complaint about the buffet was the scarcity of chocolate milk.
Oh! And every 10 feet of the ship, there was an automated hand-sanitizer machine. Once you enter the buffet, they have a woman whose sole job is spraying your hands with a spray-bottle. It was kinda crazy, but I had no problem with keeping things as sanitary as possible. After all, Noah was a little sick when he came aboard; imagine the germs going around with 2000 passengers and 1000+ crew.
That night, we hoped to get Calla’s “real” cake at dinner. It became a big ordeal, though, as I guess the hostess didn’t tell the server we had a special cake. Or maybe since I said Chef Burke instead of Chef Barrington, they didn’t know who I meant. Anyway, they brought Calla another cake piece that was not chocolate. We waited a while as they sorted it out, ordering individual desserts. Then they brought this large chocolate cake from the bakery, and cut it into 8 pieces. This was easily the most full any of us were on the cruise.
Shore Day #2
We went to Belize next, where Kate and I booked a jungle bike tour at an eco park. Instead of docking at port, we had to take a boat from ship to shore - a tender, they’re called. On ours, there was an interesting family Kate and I discussed in hushed tones. One of the tender crew also looked like Shaq - a big, good-natured dude with a sly smile. As we left, this lady nearby went up to Kate and said, “Don’t sit near me on the way back.” We have NO idea what her issue was.
Then, in line for the bus, the kid behind us (15-ish) was mouthing off to his mom. She said he was embarrassing himself, and that the people in front of him were thinking he was rude or something. They basically argued about what Kate and I thought of them. Thanks for bringing us into your drama!
It was a pretty long bus trip, but it was quite fascinating. They can’t help but take you past some less-glamorous parts of the island. Lots of shacks, some serving as restaurants. Also, cops with machine guns. Kate loved the guide, who told us endless bits of trivia. Later, we found out Mike & Trahnel’s guide (they did cave tubing) used many of the same anecdotes.
The bike I chose was squeaky and a pedal was trashed. Still, it was nice to get in the air and see some foliage. Kate hasn’t ridden since she was a teen, but she did fine. We stopped at a designated place where I climbed high up a vine and Kate ate a tiny termite with a minty after-taste. You better Belize it! We also stopped to peep a howler monkey and baby high in a tree.
Lunch was provided: beans & rice, chicken, and the best potato salad of all time. Then we had about an hour to enjoy one of the nicest pools I’ve ever seen. It was breathtaking. I rode down the hidden waterslide a few times, along with some local kids who spoke Creole. They were a riot, and loved that a grown-up was also sliding down in daring positions.
That night, I believe we caught the Second City show. Since Kate and I have been taking improv classes every week this year, we were excited. However, the show was almost all scripted sketches. Still, it was enjoyable and they put a cruise-ship slant on it.
Shore Day #3
Our next stop was Costa Maya, in Mexico. This was the one excursion with the entire family, and we checked out some Mayan ruins. Another long bus trip, and I sat with Noah. I tried to keep him entertained both there and back. That meant I didn’t get to enjoy the sights as much, but it was worth it.
I really spent a lot of time with the kids during the whole trip. Noah likes making up scenes where he’s a bank robber and you’re a cop. They both like playing rock/scissors/paper, so I made up a variation called bread/butter/knife. Calla especially loved the new game, because when knife beats butter and spreads it on bread, she pretends to eat it in an adorable way.
The ruins were pretty cool. We saw 3 pyramids, as well as a city street. The guide for our group of 15 talked at length, which had us all a bit glassed over. But then she got into the Mayan math, which I honestly found fascinating. I asked a few questions she couldn’t answer, and Kate asked one, too. It was rather warm and we got some good pictures.
Kate and I got to experience how the Mitchums shop that day. Noah bought a Rey Mysterio wrestling mask. Calla got her hair braided. While it still looked like The Predator, she wore it better than most of the white girls I saw on the ship. Mike got some Hard Rock Café glasses. Neither Kate nor I actually bought anything at any of our destinations. We’re just not those kind of people. Souvenirs aren’t important and we don’t drink. We did buy a couple photos on the ship, but that’s it.
That night, we saw a Cirque du Soleil show. Making sense of the plot - with the “angel” and the simple custodian - was a futile endeavor, but they did great routines full of acrobatics and partner lifts. Not sure if the kids dug it, but I thought it was really cool.
Dinner was just Kate and I with Mike and Trahnel. We went to Ginza, one of the “premium” restaurants. It was $15/person, but you could go nuts on their normal menu. There was also ala carte sushi. Most of the food was Chinese, though, which was a bit of a drag. After all, Ginza is the name of a popular high-end shopping area of Tokyo, not to mention my favorite subway line. I expected Japanese. Still, good food and a nice double date.
Shore Day #4
Our final shore day, to Cozumel Mexico, had me, Kate, Pat, Larry, Mike and Noah on a snorkel excursion. The last 2 people I mentioned had never snorkeled before. Getting to the boat was tricky, since we didn’t know exactly where in this marina we’d find our Swedish guide. Once there, it was easy. But turns out she was a snorkel pimp, because she handed us off to the capable care of Cuchi (who we all thought was Gucci until he spelled it at the end). He, Loco and Pancho brought us on their boat, and took us out to sea.
I’ve been on off-boat snorkel trips before, but never like this. We jumped off the boat in our gear, and followed Cuchi around. The boat trolled near us, mainly to protect us from other boat traffic. The water was about 8 feet in the first spot, which served as a tutorial spot. Little to see aside from starfish, but I think the rest of my party welcomed the warmup.
Next, we went to a deeper, more vibrant spot. Noah was annoyed by his life vest, and I personally thought he could hang without it. After all, you float in seawater. Then again, Kate, Pat and Larry all rocked various styles of life vests. After endorsing Noah going without, I foolishly jumped off the boat and went swimming on my own - marveling at the 8-inch smiley gray fish that surrounded us. Bad uncle. I’m just not used to tending after a kid, especially during something I am super excited about myself.
The water was deep, but the sights were beautiful. I was left wishing for snuba equipment, however, so I could be more among the fish. I did free-dive a lot, but the pressure on my ears was giving me discomfort. We saw a sea turtle, which Cuchi actually grabbed and brought to the surface for everyone to see. I thought that was a bit mean, honestly.
Cuchi’s a hell of a diver, though. He went in one coral “tunnel,” and as we waited worriedly for him to reappear, he came out far off on the other side. He’d go 25 feet down, lay on his back, and blow air-rings out his mouth.
Noah, on the other hand, grew impatient and moody. The vest was irritating him, both literally and figuratively, and he’d had enough. He wanted back on the boat, and no coaxing from the 3 adults that surrounded him would change his mind. I felt a little bad, but I had decided before we left LA that I wouldn’t let him dampen my snorkel fun.
Back on the boat for all of us, we were given some fruit - including the best mango any of us ever had. And I’m not a mango guy by any stretch. I also ate a PB&J Pat brought from the boat. Bad idea, as there was 1 more dive spot. I had some throat issues here, which hindered me a bit.
This spot had huge drop-off cliffs, where you could see 100 feet down. I would free-dive maybe 20 feet down, but by then my body was getting fatigued from the pressure. I was a little surprised that so few people joined me. We saw a pretty big grouper, a giant sand-dollar, and the tail end of a stingray. Both Mike and Larry had underwater cameras. I look forward to the pictures/video.
Back at the marina, we all had to pee something awful. Mike couldn’t bring himself to pee in the ocean; I didn’t even try. A lady asked 5 pesos for us to use the marina’s facilities. I think she made out with our $2 US.
The buffet that night had a special Chocoholics event. Kate and I actually hit this up first in our evening dining. Freestyle cruising, baby! We both loaded up our plates with chocolate-covered bananas, marshmallows, and other goodies. It was quite decadent and enjoyable. Then we ate normal dinner.
Kate’s mom went to the Internet Café, where they charge $0.75/minute for access. Additionally, the connection is slower than I remember dial-up being, and that meter ran the whole time. She let me scope out my email real quick, but it wasn’t even worth looking. Seeing no emergency emails, I didn’t go any further.
Sea Day #3
The Norwegian Star was heading back to Tampa. Kate and I spent much of the first half of the day separated. She went for a walk, I went to the gym (only worked out twice during the cruise). I found the rest of the fam at various points, but Kate was elusive. Then at lunch, I went back to the stateroom to use the bathroom, and though I expected her to follow soon after, she never did. I met up with the kids (and their folks) at the child pool.
Our group found Kate and her folks at Shark Bait’s juggling lesson. I went along just to follow the fam, but I honestly really enjoyed the lesson. I guess it makes sense: I like weapons with cool choreography, and doing physical things. I’ve since practiced several times and am learning fast.
After our final family dinner - where I ordered the penne pasta and asked them to put an entire salmon fillet on top - Mike and I took the kids to the arcade. Big mistake. We had hit it up early in the trip, and Noah showed his weakness for not understanding that good times have to end. Buzz-kill. Both kids were taxing in several ways. I won Calla a stuffed frog in the claw machine, but she gave me no props. Noah didn’t want to leave, even though Mike told him the next thing he did was the last of the night. Calla wailed that the game she chose to play was too hard, despite her struggling with it in the first arcade experience. Kinda left me with negative feelings; but really, what 6 & 8 year olds can go a whole week without a few bad moments?
Despite an early morning awaiting, Kate and I hit up the 18+ Second City all-improv show. We got there as some other game show was ending, where they had straight dudes making out and wearing bras…crazy drunk-people shit. Second City was pretty good. We recognized a lot of the things they did from our own classes, so we felt like smarks (wrestling term for fans who are more informed).
Travel Day (From)
Our flight was at 11am, and you couldn’t get off the boat until 8-ish, so Kate and I had to shake a leg. We had time for a hasty family breakfast, but that’s about it. Oh, and to say good-bye to cruise-director Kyle, who happened to be near the line. Honestly, we had no reason to fret. It wasn’t much past 8:45 when we’d already gotten to the airport and dropped off our luggage. We just sat down and enjoyed the free wifi to catch back up with the world.
Ironically, our same plane from Tampa to Atlanta was what we took to LA. Unfortunately, that meant no international 777. I was disappointed to see only a handful of movies on the screen, and each one costing $6 to view. Only 2 TV channels of selected programming, too. Kate and I watched In Bruges on my iPad (I bought a headphone splitter before we left), and busied ourselves other ways.
Getting home was uneventful, which is just how I like it. The apartment was undisturbed, thanks to Hulk’s expert security work. And thus concludes Family Cruise 2012. I hope it was not a waste of your valuable time.
1. I had more fun than I thought I would
2. Snuba is such a great way to explore underwater
3. I love my niece and nephew, though they don’t know how good they have it
4. Developing nations can be pretty depressing at times
5. The Mitchum family is so cool that I enjoyed all the time I spent with them
6. It wasn’t bad being unplugged from outside communication for a week
7. I miss getting some color from our friend the sun
8. Oddly, the best place to eat on the ship was the buffet
9. I picked up a new skill: juggling
Travel Day (To)
Kate and I flew out the day before the ship took off, as we’re coming from the other side of the U.S. Her folks got our flight using Delta miles. I haven’t flown Delta for a long time (since the Northwest merger). The customer service was ass-tacular, but one thing really impressed me: The 5-hour flight from LA to Atlanta was on a new 777. Tall and roomy, we had personal entertainment screens. The amount of movies at our disposal was staggering, and for free! I got to watch the Tribe Called Quest documentary, which was great. I believe we got food, too. It felt like an international flight - which was because the plane continued on to Australia.
With Delta’s pokiness and only a 45-minute layover, we missed our connecting flight to Tampa. We ran across the airport to our gate, only to find it locked and vacant. With 10 minutes left before scheduled departure. I was unhappy, and the fact that the chick working the gate across the way literally ignored me while talking on the phone didn’t help. The automated system tried to book us for the NEXT MORNING, printing out travel and meal vouchers. Fuck that, I said, stashing them in my back pocket and getting in line to talk to a human. Thankfully, we were booked on the next flight to Tampa (an hour later), though we didn’t get to sit together. You better believe we used those ($6) meal vouchers at the food court.
In lighter news, Jay Pharaoh from SNL (he does dead-on Will Smith, Jay-Z and Denzel impressions) was on our flight from LA. He and his lady were wearing matching Vitamin Water hoodies. Seemed everywhere we looked in Atlanta, we saw him. I told Kate, “Next time I see him, I’m going to be like, ‘Okay, I acknowledge you. I like your work. Now stop stalking us.’” He must have heard, because we never saw him after that.
In Tampa, Dan picked us up at the airport with his lady friend. I miss that guy. We visited in our hotel room until Kate began to nod off. Despite a huge bed, we both slept like shit.
Sea Day #1
Next day, we caught the shuttle to the ship, where a massive line begat another massive line. It was here we realized going on a cruise is a bit of a white-trash vacation (codename: WTV). Eventually and thankfully, however, we spotted people of other races. We also saw the Mitchums, who were ahead of us in line. We got on, found our quaint little stateroom (with window), and met up for lunch at Versailles.
The restaurants did not give a good first impression. My fish & chips was not much food. However, since it was free, I ordered a chicken dish for “dessert.” Freestyle cruising, baby! Our dinner at Aqua was much better, with a pretty diverse and tasty menu. They had everyday dishes, then one-day-only regional selections.
On a cruise ship, any time you stay still for a minute, someone will take your picture. That was the case at these and most other non-buffet meals. We also had pictures taken, in front of a green screen, before getting on the ship. They superimpose the ship itself, then. However, if you’re wearing any type of green, it’s like you’re transparent. We saw shots of people that looked like disembodied heads because of their choice of shirt. Funny.
That night, we saw the welcome show in the theatre. They had corny showtune singers doing Mama Mia; the comedy duo of Sharkbait, former Barnum & Bailey clowns; and our cruise director, Kyle. Kyle sang “Cabaret,” which was cheddar, swiss and Muenster. The guy is a trip, working the crowd with schtick. He also would come on the PA at all hours of the day to update us on what was going on both on and off-ship.
Sea Day #2
We had a second full sea day, because the path goes to the southernmost point of our loop first, then doubles back around. Something interesting was that there were 2 time changes. So twice we had to set our clocks back, then twice we had to set our clocks forward. Of course, Florida is Eastern time compared to LA’s Pacific, so it was all kind of weirdness. Speaking of time, I bought a watch beforehand. I didn’t want to have my iPhone all over, especially since it was useless as a phone out of the country (or would charge crazy international fees).
The kids spent tons of time at the pools. There’s a main pool area with 2 slides, 4 jacuzzis and 4 small saltwater pools. The kid section in the back had 2 more slides, and a couple little pools. As a kid, I’d go to the neighborhood park’s pool literally every day, for almost all day, so I see the appeal. In all my time on the ship, I think I spent a minute in one adult pool and about 5 minutes in a hottub. Those areas were usually packed, and just finding a place to lounge on the top deck was near impossible.
Kate and I wanted to go read once, and ended up doing a few unsuccessful laps before going to a lower deck and eventually finding some deckchairs. I re-read Hunger Games on my Kindle, which kind of made me feel like a newb since it’s the hotness. I wanted to yell aloud, “I read this already, way before the movie came out!”
Dinner was to celebrate niece Calla’s 6th birthday. Pat (Kate’s mom) had arranged to have a chocolate cake, so when one piece of white cake came out, she was less than pleased. Coincidentally, the head of chefs was around, and said he’d “make” Calla a cake for the next night. He also had some chocolate-covered strawberries sent to Calla’s room. How sweet! There’s a great picture of Calla with Chef Barrington, but it’s with Larry’s (Kate’s dad’s) shots, which I don’t have access to yet.
We also saw the Wildcats of Kentucky cream Kansas in the NCAA basketball championship. There was another group of UK backers in the Lion’s Head bar where the game was shown, so it was a raucous crowd.
Shore Day #1
Our first day for excursions was in Roatan, Honduras. That was where Kate and I booked a snuba trip, while the rest of the fam had a private guided tour of the island. Snuba rocks so hard. It’s like SCUBA, but the tank is on a raft above you, connected with a tube. It was great to dive 10+ feet down, then equalize your ears by yawning while breathing normally. Kate just stayed on the surface, but I think she dug it too. Since we just walked in from the beach, the fish weren’t that amazing, but it was still a lot of fun. Then we lounged in the resort until it was time to go.
Upon returning to the ship, we had buffet lunch. I have anti-buffet biases, but that place was great! Their breakfast had wonderful fruit (including the best honeydew ever) and decent oatmeal. Lunch and dinner even had flavorful Indian food. Our family had a table that we almost always got to ourselves, and it served as a meeting spot throughout the trip. My only complaint about the buffet was the scarcity of chocolate milk.
Oh! And every 10 feet of the ship, there was an automated hand-sanitizer machine. Once you enter the buffet, they have a woman whose sole job is spraying your hands with a spray-bottle. It was kinda crazy, but I had no problem with keeping things as sanitary as possible. After all, Noah was a little sick when he came aboard; imagine the germs going around with 2000 passengers and 1000+ crew.
That night, we hoped to get Calla’s “real” cake at dinner. It became a big ordeal, though, as I guess the hostess didn’t tell the server we had a special cake. Or maybe since I said Chef Burke instead of Chef Barrington, they didn’t know who I meant. Anyway, they brought Calla another cake piece that was not chocolate. We waited a while as they sorted it out, ordering individual desserts. Then they brought this large chocolate cake from the bakery, and cut it into 8 pieces. This was easily the most full any of us were on the cruise.
Shore Day #2
We went to Belize next, where Kate and I booked a jungle bike tour at an eco park. Instead of docking at port, we had to take a boat from ship to shore - a tender, they’re called. On ours, there was an interesting family Kate and I discussed in hushed tones. One of the tender crew also looked like Shaq - a big, good-natured dude with a sly smile. As we left, this lady nearby went up to Kate and said, “Don’t sit near me on the way back.” We have NO idea what her issue was.
Then, in line for the bus, the kid behind us (15-ish) was mouthing off to his mom. She said he was embarrassing himself, and that the people in front of him were thinking he was rude or something. They basically argued about what Kate and I thought of them. Thanks for bringing us into your drama!
It was a pretty long bus trip, but it was quite fascinating. They can’t help but take you past some less-glamorous parts of the island. Lots of shacks, some serving as restaurants. Also, cops with machine guns. Kate loved the guide, who told us endless bits of trivia. Later, we found out Mike & Trahnel’s guide (they did cave tubing) used many of the same anecdotes.
The bike I chose was squeaky and a pedal was trashed. Still, it was nice to get in the air and see some foliage. Kate hasn’t ridden since she was a teen, but she did fine. We stopped at a designated place where I climbed high up a vine and Kate ate a tiny termite with a minty after-taste. You better Belize it! We also stopped to peep a howler monkey and baby high in a tree.
Lunch was provided: beans & rice, chicken, and the best potato salad of all time. Then we had about an hour to enjoy one of the nicest pools I’ve ever seen. It was breathtaking. I rode down the hidden waterslide a few times, along with some local kids who spoke Creole. They were a riot, and loved that a grown-up was also sliding down in daring positions.
That night, I believe we caught the Second City show. Since Kate and I have been taking improv classes every week this year, we were excited. However, the show was almost all scripted sketches. Still, it was enjoyable and they put a cruise-ship slant on it.
Shore Day #3
Our next stop was Costa Maya, in Mexico. This was the one excursion with the entire family, and we checked out some Mayan ruins. Another long bus trip, and I sat with Noah. I tried to keep him entertained both there and back. That meant I didn’t get to enjoy the sights as much, but it was worth it.
I really spent a lot of time with the kids during the whole trip. Noah likes making up scenes where he’s a bank robber and you’re a cop. They both like playing rock/scissors/paper, so I made up a variation called bread/butter/knife. Calla especially loved the new game, because when knife beats butter and spreads it on bread, she pretends to eat it in an adorable way.
The ruins were pretty cool. We saw 3 pyramids, as well as a city street. The guide for our group of 15 talked at length, which had us all a bit glassed over. But then she got into the Mayan math, which I honestly found fascinating. I asked a few questions she couldn’t answer, and Kate asked one, too. It was rather warm and we got some good pictures.
Kate and I got to experience how the Mitchums shop that day. Noah bought a Rey Mysterio wrestling mask. Calla got her hair braided. While it still looked like The Predator, she wore it better than most of the white girls I saw on the ship. Mike got some Hard Rock Café glasses. Neither Kate nor I actually bought anything at any of our destinations. We’re just not those kind of people. Souvenirs aren’t important and we don’t drink. We did buy a couple photos on the ship, but that’s it.
That night, we saw a Cirque du Soleil show. Making sense of the plot - with the “angel” and the simple custodian - was a futile endeavor, but they did great routines full of acrobatics and partner lifts. Not sure if the kids dug it, but I thought it was really cool.
Dinner was just Kate and I with Mike and Trahnel. We went to Ginza, one of the “premium” restaurants. It was $15/person, but you could go nuts on their normal menu. There was also ala carte sushi. Most of the food was Chinese, though, which was a bit of a drag. After all, Ginza is the name of a popular high-end shopping area of Tokyo, not to mention my favorite subway line. I expected Japanese. Still, good food and a nice double date.
Shore Day #4
Our final shore day, to Cozumel Mexico, had me, Kate, Pat, Larry, Mike and Noah on a snorkel excursion. The last 2 people I mentioned had never snorkeled before. Getting to the boat was tricky, since we didn’t know exactly where in this marina we’d find our Swedish guide. Once there, it was easy. But turns out she was a snorkel pimp, because she handed us off to the capable care of Cuchi (who we all thought was Gucci until he spelled it at the end). He, Loco and Pancho brought us on their boat, and took us out to sea.
I’ve been on off-boat snorkel trips before, but never like this. We jumped off the boat in our gear, and followed Cuchi around. The boat trolled near us, mainly to protect us from other boat traffic. The water was about 8 feet in the first spot, which served as a tutorial spot. Little to see aside from starfish, but I think the rest of my party welcomed the warmup.
Next, we went to a deeper, more vibrant spot. Noah was annoyed by his life vest, and I personally thought he could hang without it. After all, you float in seawater. Then again, Kate, Pat and Larry all rocked various styles of life vests. After endorsing Noah going without, I foolishly jumped off the boat and went swimming on my own - marveling at the 8-inch smiley gray fish that surrounded us. Bad uncle. I’m just not used to tending after a kid, especially during something I am super excited about myself.
The water was deep, but the sights were beautiful. I was left wishing for snuba equipment, however, so I could be more among the fish. I did free-dive a lot, but the pressure on my ears was giving me discomfort. We saw a sea turtle, which Cuchi actually grabbed and brought to the surface for everyone to see. I thought that was a bit mean, honestly.
Cuchi’s a hell of a diver, though. He went in one coral “tunnel,” and as we waited worriedly for him to reappear, he came out far off on the other side. He’d go 25 feet down, lay on his back, and blow air-rings out his mouth.
Noah, on the other hand, grew impatient and moody. The vest was irritating him, both literally and figuratively, and he’d had enough. He wanted back on the boat, and no coaxing from the 3 adults that surrounded him would change his mind. I felt a little bad, but I had decided before we left LA that I wouldn’t let him dampen my snorkel fun.
Back on the boat for all of us, we were given some fruit - including the best mango any of us ever had. And I’m not a mango guy by any stretch. I also ate a PB&J Pat brought from the boat. Bad idea, as there was 1 more dive spot. I had some throat issues here, which hindered me a bit.
This spot had huge drop-off cliffs, where you could see 100 feet down. I would free-dive maybe 20 feet down, but by then my body was getting fatigued from the pressure. I was a little surprised that so few people joined me. We saw a pretty big grouper, a giant sand-dollar, and the tail end of a stingray. Both Mike and Larry had underwater cameras. I look forward to the pictures/video.
Back at the marina, we all had to pee something awful. Mike couldn’t bring himself to pee in the ocean; I didn’t even try. A lady asked 5 pesos for us to use the marina’s facilities. I think she made out with our $2 US.
The buffet that night had a special Chocoholics event. Kate and I actually hit this up first in our evening dining. Freestyle cruising, baby! We both loaded up our plates with chocolate-covered bananas, marshmallows, and other goodies. It was quite decadent and enjoyable. Then we ate normal dinner.
Kate’s mom went to the Internet Café, where they charge $0.75/minute for access. Additionally, the connection is slower than I remember dial-up being, and that meter ran the whole time. She let me scope out my email real quick, but it wasn’t even worth looking. Seeing no emergency emails, I didn’t go any further.
Sea Day #3
The Norwegian Star was heading back to Tampa. Kate and I spent much of the first half of the day separated. She went for a walk, I went to the gym (only worked out twice during the cruise). I found the rest of the fam at various points, but Kate was elusive. Then at lunch, I went back to the stateroom to use the bathroom, and though I expected her to follow soon after, she never did. I met up with the kids (and their folks) at the child pool.
Our group found Kate and her folks at Shark Bait’s juggling lesson. I went along just to follow the fam, but I honestly really enjoyed the lesson. I guess it makes sense: I like weapons with cool choreography, and doing physical things. I’ve since practiced several times and am learning fast.
After our final family dinner - where I ordered the penne pasta and asked them to put an entire salmon fillet on top - Mike and I took the kids to the arcade. Big mistake. We had hit it up early in the trip, and Noah showed his weakness for not understanding that good times have to end. Buzz-kill. Both kids were taxing in several ways. I won Calla a stuffed frog in the claw machine, but she gave me no props. Noah didn’t want to leave, even though Mike told him the next thing he did was the last of the night. Calla wailed that the game she chose to play was too hard, despite her struggling with it in the first arcade experience. Kinda left me with negative feelings; but really, what 6 & 8 year olds can go a whole week without a few bad moments?
Despite an early morning awaiting, Kate and I hit up the 18+ Second City all-improv show. We got there as some other game show was ending, where they had straight dudes making out and wearing bras…crazy drunk-people shit. Second City was pretty good. We recognized a lot of the things they did from our own classes, so we felt like smarks (wrestling term for fans who are more informed).
Travel Day (From)
Our flight was at 11am, and you couldn’t get off the boat until 8-ish, so Kate and I had to shake a leg. We had time for a hasty family breakfast, but that’s about it. Oh, and to say good-bye to cruise-director Kyle, who happened to be near the line. Honestly, we had no reason to fret. It wasn’t much past 8:45 when we’d already gotten to the airport and dropped off our luggage. We just sat down and enjoyed the free wifi to catch back up with the world.
Ironically, our same plane from Tampa to Atlanta was what we took to LA. Unfortunately, that meant no international 777. I was disappointed to see only a handful of movies on the screen, and each one costing $6 to view. Only 2 TV channels of selected programming, too. Kate and I watched In Bruges on my iPad (I bought a headphone splitter before we left), and busied ourselves other ways.
Getting home was uneventful, which is just how I like it. The apartment was undisturbed, thanks to Hulk’s expert security work. And thus concludes Family Cruise 2012. I hope it was not a waste of your valuable time.