(no subject)
i remember now why i don't have anything to do with a lot of the people at school. i remember why i just don't give a rats ass about my family. and i especially remember why i don't have anything to do with my mother or the rest of my family for that matter.
my family has... ok intentions. albeit, everything is alcohol related, or "i've got a mental problem." i fucking hate this about everyone in my family. someone's always sick or someone's always complaining. my mom probably did the nicest thing she ever could today. and it was a big surprise. a VERY big surprise. she took me to Turner's piano and let me pick one out. apparently they rent pianos there, but my mom is trying to get financed for one. renting is nothing but a last resort. afterward, we went to the mall for a little bit, and then we went to the movie store. and while we weren't arguing or anything then, my mom decided to stay on the phone with German the whole time we were out. and that honestly upset me, and then she started talking about money. and i'm well aware of the fact that we don't have a lot. i'm well aware, also, that the A/C and plumbing in my house need to be fixed. we don't have an air conditioner, thank the gods my grandparents have a window unit. and the reason our plumbing needs to be fixed is because we have pipe that leads to the sewer that's 2.5 in in diameter, and it's SUPPOSED to be 4.5 in in diameter. to get that fixed is cheaper that the A/C, but even then, we don't have enough money for this. the guy that lived here before KNEW all this shit was wrong with the house, and our real estate agent didn't offer us a warranty, stupid bitch. so we're kind of fucked up the ass with a big bottle of gin.
anyway, on to why i'm in this WONDERFUL mood.
i'm the go-to person in the household, b/c apparently since I'M the teenager, if i get angry, or bothered, or upset about ANYTHING, i'm able to bounce right back from it. all of the "adults" in the household are unstable: my mother's a fucking wreck, my grandmother's "back always hurts," and grandfather basically can't do shit because of his hip. i honestly don't mind doing shit for anyone, i really don't. but when every 5 minutes i hear someone asking me to do this, to do that; or i get a call from my grandparents asking me to get them this, do that for them. it's always fucking something, and it drives me up a wall. half the time i can't even PISS for 5 minutes and walk out of my bathroom before my grandma or my mother are asking me to wash the dishes or get them something because they're too lazy to do it theirselves.
and tonight, of all nights, i'm experiencing an emotion i've never felt in my entire life. it's 9 30 on a saturday and i'm at home waiting for a call i'm probably not going to get. my pants are wet from gardening. i'm happy, and yet i want to cry. i have no reason to except for the fact that i'm poor as shit. i feel like i'm the worst child ever and i complain way too fucking much, but yet... i just wish that someone in this house would do something besides me. if i could run the house the way i wanted to, half the shit in here WOULDN'T be in here.
i really just need to go.
my family has... ok intentions. albeit, everything is alcohol related, or "i've got a mental problem." i fucking hate this about everyone in my family. someone's always sick or someone's always complaining. my mom probably did the nicest thing she ever could today. and it was a big surprise. a VERY big surprise. she took me to Turner's piano and let me pick one out. apparently they rent pianos there, but my mom is trying to get financed for one. renting is nothing but a last resort. afterward, we went to the mall for a little bit, and then we went to the movie store. and while we weren't arguing or anything then, my mom decided to stay on the phone with German the whole time we were out. and that honestly upset me, and then she started talking about money. and i'm well aware of the fact that we don't have a lot. i'm well aware, also, that the A/C and plumbing in my house need to be fixed. we don't have an air conditioner, thank the gods my grandparents have a window unit. and the reason our plumbing needs to be fixed is because we have pipe that leads to the sewer that's 2.5 in in diameter, and it's SUPPOSED to be 4.5 in in diameter. to get that fixed is cheaper that the A/C, but even then, we don't have enough money for this. the guy that lived here before KNEW all this shit was wrong with the house, and our real estate agent didn't offer us a warranty, stupid bitch. so we're kind of fucked up the ass with a big bottle of gin.
anyway, on to why i'm in this WONDERFUL mood.
i'm the go-to person in the household, b/c apparently since I'M the teenager, if i get angry, or bothered, or upset about ANYTHING, i'm able to bounce right back from it. all of the "adults" in the household are unstable: my mother's a fucking wreck, my grandmother's "back always hurts," and grandfather basically can't do shit because of his hip. i honestly don't mind doing shit for anyone, i really don't. but when every 5 minutes i hear someone asking me to do this, to do that; or i get a call from my grandparents asking me to get them this, do that for them. it's always fucking something, and it drives me up a wall. half the time i can't even PISS for 5 minutes and walk out of my bathroom before my grandma or my mother are asking me to wash the dishes or get them something because they're too lazy to do it theirselves.
and tonight, of all nights, i'm experiencing an emotion i've never felt in my entire life. it's 9 30 on a saturday and i'm at home waiting for a call i'm probably not going to get. my pants are wet from gardening. i'm happy, and yet i want to cry. i have no reason to except for the fact that i'm poor as shit. i feel like i'm the worst child ever and i complain way too fucking much, but yet... i just wish that someone in this house would do something besides me. if i could run the house the way i wanted to, half the shit in here WOULDN'T be in here.
i really just need to go.