pissed off, uncontrolled, all over the place ranting.
i need to get something off my chest.
caution: there will be more than a handful of colorful curses in this entry so if ure easily offended, fuck off. thanks.
i have noticed since a few years back that i have developed a 'love-me' complex. after much thought i have come up with the conclusion that the reason why i've always wanted others to love me was because i don't really feel loved in my own home with the exception of my mum and my sister (they may not blatantly shower me with cuddles but i know they do love me). i have never felt loved by my brothers nor my father maybe because they've always been busy with their own lives. i can't recall a single hug from my brothers. my dad doesnt have a choice since im always climbing all over him, just happy whenever he comes home. no relationship exists between my brothers and me. we seldom talk and we hardly joke around. i dont know how to breach this gap we seem to have. sad isn't it?
back to the 'love-me' complexity, it drove me to keep everyone around me happy, jage hati sume org even if it means sacrifising my own needs. i have always thought that by doing so, they will in return care for me and adore me.. plus being insanely gullible doesn't help me realize this until well, now. i have always been the first person to offer assistance to anyone in need. i'd be offering shoulders to cry on, long strings of advices and comforting words, going to places i didnt want to go, tolerating people i despise, jage hati org, never berkire. today however i began to ask myself, what the fuck for. i have always made up excuses when shiazuriru pointed out the fact that half of the people i sacrificed for wouldnt even think twice for my benefit and i always told him that if i dont get anything back in return takpe, tuhan tahu, so its pahala.
but now ive changed my mind. ive turned bitter. remembering the times the people i cared so much for had taken me for granted pisses me the hell off. starting from this moment on it would not be 'what can i do for you' but 'what have u done for me'. lemak aa kalau i kene keep on thinking about others when they dont give a rat's ass about me. puki. ape ingat aku badut ke ape. always expect me to sengih je when im not appreciated? if ure not willing to go the extra mile for me, dont even think i'd go the extra mile for u. well at least not anymore.
i know i seldom marah anyone except for shiazuriru but i dont know why. its always hard for me to speak whats really on my mind for fear they'd hate me for it. but u know what? they can shove their hate right up their A-holes. fucking apes. why in the holy hell have i ever thought that people are generally nice? so hey, jgn carik pasal thinking i'd let it pass. i have a bucketful of anger in me, and i will never again hesitate to use it.
another kaum that makes me go badshit is the one yang ask me for help then belakang, nak kutuk kutuk. kepale babi korang. stay the fuck away if ure one of them cause one day i might just slap the shit out of u.
so yeah, i'll be sizing people up from here on. if ure not worth my time, ure not worth my time. get the fuck away. nak kecik2 hati apehal? hati i tak jage. so again, fuck off. dont expect me to come running to you anytime soon. ive listed down who these people are and they are quite a few. you don't like the new me, fine cause the feeling is mutual. tak rugi hilang kawan yang selfish nak mati. so before asking me for help, think again, do u truly deserve it? takde makne nak tolong pasal kawan dah wey. ive learned my lesson.
go on and whisper behind my back about what a monster i turning into, gather ur pitchforks and burning crucifixes. i dont give a flying fuck. sorry, this personal slave counter has now closed. take a number and prepare to be ditched. i'm moving the hell on.
(yes emo. yes pissed. yes marah macam sial. biar aa. im disabling the comments as i will not answer questions. so dont ask them.)
caution: there will be more than a handful of colorful curses in this entry so if ure easily offended, fuck off. thanks.
i have noticed since a few years back that i have developed a 'love-me' complex. after much thought i have come up with the conclusion that the reason why i've always wanted others to love me was because i don't really feel loved in my own home with the exception of my mum and my sister (they may not blatantly shower me with cuddles but i know they do love me). i have never felt loved by my brothers nor my father maybe because they've always been busy with their own lives. i can't recall a single hug from my brothers. my dad doesnt have a choice since im always climbing all over him, just happy whenever he comes home. no relationship exists between my brothers and me. we seldom talk and we hardly joke around. i dont know how to breach this gap we seem to have. sad isn't it?
back to the 'love-me' complexity, it drove me to keep everyone around me happy, jage hati sume org even if it means sacrifising my own needs. i have always thought that by doing so, they will in return care for me and adore me.. plus being insanely gullible doesn't help me realize this until well, now. i have always been the first person to offer assistance to anyone in need. i'd be offering shoulders to cry on, long strings of advices and comforting words, going to places i didnt want to go, tolerating people i despise, jage hati org, never berkire. today however i began to ask myself, what the fuck for. i have always made up excuses when shiazuriru pointed out the fact that half of the people i sacrificed for wouldnt even think twice for my benefit and i always told him that if i dont get anything back in return takpe, tuhan tahu, so its pahala.
but now ive changed my mind. ive turned bitter. remembering the times the people i cared so much for had taken me for granted pisses me the hell off. starting from this moment on it would not be 'what can i do for you' but 'what have u done for me'. lemak aa kalau i kene keep on thinking about others when they dont give a rat's ass about me. puki. ape ingat aku badut ke ape. always expect me to sengih je when im not appreciated? if ure not willing to go the extra mile for me, dont even think i'd go the extra mile for u. well at least not anymore.
i know i seldom marah anyone except for shiazuriru but i dont know why. its always hard for me to speak whats really on my mind for fear they'd hate me for it. but u know what? they can shove their hate right up their A-holes. fucking apes. why in the holy hell have i ever thought that people are generally nice? so hey, jgn carik pasal thinking i'd let it pass. i have a bucketful of anger in me, and i will never again hesitate to use it.
another kaum that makes me go badshit is the one yang ask me for help then belakang, nak kutuk kutuk. kepale babi korang. stay the fuck away if ure one of them cause one day i might just slap the shit out of u.
so yeah, i'll be sizing people up from here on. if ure not worth my time, ure not worth my time. get the fuck away. nak kecik2 hati apehal? hati i tak jage. so again, fuck off. dont expect me to come running to you anytime soon. ive listed down who these people are and they are quite a few. you don't like the new me, fine cause the feeling is mutual. tak rugi hilang kawan yang selfish nak mati. so before asking me for help, think again, do u truly deserve it? takde makne nak tolong pasal kawan dah wey. ive learned my lesson.
go on and whisper behind my back about what a monster i turning into, gather ur pitchforks and burning crucifixes. i dont give a flying fuck. sorry, this personal slave counter has now closed. take a number and prepare to be ditched. i'm moving the hell on.
(yes emo. yes pissed. yes marah macam sial. biar aa. im disabling the comments as i will not answer questions. so dont ask them.)