(no subject)
Outside the rain is tapping on the leaves.
To me, it sounds like they’re applauding us--the quiet love we’ve made.
Will I always feel this way? So empty, so estranged?
It is pouring. I am watching steam rise from the streets as droplets make tiny ripples on the asphalt. wondering how the clouds can hold so much in. Wondering when they decide to release it all, and if they ever run out of rain. It all reminds me of us--how much we cleave to, and how heavy, full, and thick it makes us feel inside. The smell just before the clouds crack open and spill out reminds me of the moments when we feel everything ten-fold & we can sense the breaking point near. We know ourselves and the clouds know when they’ve had enough. Secretly they know--we know--that there is no such thing as holding on forever. So the clouds loosen their grip. All at once, a dam breaks in the sky and the whole world feels it. They have held on too long, those clouds. Sometimes the world calls us to relent.
I am watching all of this from behind a glass door, enclosed by four walls. I am battling the urge to burst through them and get my hair wet. I want to wade in the puddles, to stare up at the clouds and feel their surrender beat against my face. I want to thank them for it, for letting me know that it is okay spill out. It is all too much. It can't fit inside.
It has been such a long year. Such a long, long year. And I am ready for it to end. This time here has left me older in the face and in the soul--much more worn. I am harder and softer than I was 12 months ago.
More and more, I wonder at this crazy world, and what it’s made of. The connectedness that we all feel between each other, and the inequities of man, and how both can exist at once. Doesn’t one cancel out the other? Doesn’t innate compassion defeat invented hate? Benevolence conquer greed? Maybe only in my dreams. I think this year has called upon my humanity. It has awoken something inside me that says, “go beyond what you see.” I am trying hard to listen.
Crown and anchor me
Or let me sail away.
To me, it sounds like they’re applauding us--the quiet love we’ve made.
Will I always feel this way? So empty, so estranged?
It is pouring. I am watching steam rise from the streets as droplets make tiny ripples on the asphalt. wondering how the clouds can hold so much in. Wondering when they decide to release it all, and if they ever run out of rain. It all reminds me of us--how much we cleave to, and how heavy, full, and thick it makes us feel inside. The smell just before the clouds crack open and spill out reminds me of the moments when we feel everything ten-fold & we can sense the breaking point near. We know ourselves and the clouds know when they’ve had enough. Secretly they know--we know--that there is no such thing as holding on forever. So the clouds loosen their grip. All at once, a dam breaks in the sky and the whole world feels it. They have held on too long, those clouds. Sometimes the world calls us to relent.
I am watching all of this from behind a glass door, enclosed by four walls. I am battling the urge to burst through them and get my hair wet. I want to wade in the puddles, to stare up at the clouds and feel their surrender beat against my face. I want to thank them for it, for letting me know that it is okay spill out. It is all too much. It can't fit inside.
It has been such a long year. Such a long, long year. And I am ready for it to end. This time here has left me older in the face and in the soul--much more worn. I am harder and softer than I was 12 months ago.
More and more, I wonder at this crazy world, and what it’s made of. The connectedness that we all feel between each other, and the inequities of man, and how both can exist at once. Doesn’t one cancel out the other? Doesn’t innate compassion defeat invented hate? Benevolence conquer greed? Maybe only in my dreams. I think this year has called upon my humanity. It has awoken something inside me that says, “go beyond what you see.” I am trying hard to listen.
Crown and anchor me
Or let me sail away.