wiggaphobia
.....
fuck.
I could have done SOOO much better on the reading test I just took. however, I was seated in front of a group of boys who decided it would be a good idea to be as obnoxious as possible. My score was probably above average, but that doesn't mean anything if it isn't the best I could have done.
Ugh.
I hate teenagers.
Electrical surges of independence and fear are coursing through my body
releasing themselves through my blistered fingers
onto this smeary computer screen
and still
no conveyance
no voice.
How is it I always feel so silenced?
This recovery thing is eating at my mind
making my blood burn.
People dont seem to understand that my relapsing isnt related to vanity
isnt about my image, or my body, or my desire to be loved.
In fact, an obsession such as anorexia
has absolutely nothing to do with vanity.
In treatment the other day,
was told that my body's defenses are so low, blacking out is fatal.
I get that...hit my head...black out, die.
Obviously related to beauty.
I'm too young for this shit.
hmm, they say when you are swallowed in obsession/fear/pain/illness you lose your personality
your soul
whatever makes you, you.
I disagree
It is within pain and trial that I call upon my strengths the most
and a will to fight is more self defining than any witty comment or gentle laugh.
That doesn't matter though.
fuck.
I could have done SOOO much better on the reading test I just took. however, I was seated in front of a group of boys who decided it would be a good idea to be as obnoxious as possible. My score was probably above average, but that doesn't mean anything if it isn't the best I could have done.
Ugh.
I hate teenagers.
Electrical surges of independence and fear are coursing through my body
releasing themselves through my blistered fingers
onto this smeary computer screen
and still
no conveyance
no voice.
How is it I always feel so silenced?
This recovery thing is eating at my mind
making my blood burn.
People dont seem to understand that my relapsing isnt related to vanity
isnt about my image, or my body, or my desire to be loved.
In fact, an obsession such as anorexia
has absolutely nothing to do with vanity.
In treatment the other day,
was told that my body's defenses are so low, blacking out is fatal.
I get that...hit my head...black out, die.
Obviously related to beauty.
I'm too young for this shit.
hmm, they say when you are swallowed in obsession/fear/pain/illness you lose your personality
your soul
whatever makes you, you.
I disagree
It is within pain and trial that I call upon my strengths the most
and a will to fight is more self defining than any witty comment or gentle laugh.
That doesn't matter though.