(no subject)
so, supposedly, i'm getting my kids back.
no i mean soon. as in they want the youngest here before school starts. at least by a couple weeks so he can get adjusted. so, that's only weeks from now. the oldest will (should?) be here a month or so following.
i've not been telling people because i don't want to believe it. the department has told me so many things that they have not done. but it seems like they mean it this time: i've been getting extended visits with unsupervised time. also i've been meeting with the kids and their respective councelers.
the thing is, i'll be watched even closer than ever. if i thought i was under a microscope before... i was, but only under a 100x magification. now, it's a 1000x optical zoom with glare-reducing polerization.
i'm even more scared than before, because it will only take one little thing to get completely blown out of proportion for them to be taken again. and this time they will be adopted out.
it seems... futile. like the suffering will never end. like one stress will just be replaced with another. like they want me to fail. but see, i'm not going to fail. so the joke's on them.
but i wasn't the one that failed to begin with. so... that's not really a good thing either.
in other news, i'm going to physical therapy for my lower back. i have a printout of excersizes to stretch out the offending area, eventually there will be weight-training thrown in. I HAVE A LEGITIMATE PROBLEM FOLKS! i am validated that there's actually a problem that someone actually discovered. it's the joint between the tailbone and the next vertebre up. so that's a bit of good news.
i haven't been on a lot lately, the internet and comperter in general. i've been busy as fuck (with parenting classes [my last one is next week], my shrink, the kids shrinks, visits, physical therapy, my med appointments, sewing shit so i can sell it).
i've dumped both e-feds (okay they sort of dumped me) and i never realised how much time those took up. it's almost a relief, a weight off my back. and i don't feel bad about it. coming soon i won't have hardly any time at all for myself, let alone the computer and its associated bullshit.
apologies for the complete lack of updates, but really i don't have a lot to say. i could just bitch about the same things over and over, like some other people whose journals i read daily, but it feels repetitive.
i DO read my f-list, several times a day. OH OH I JUST REMEMBERED CAROL GAVE ME THE LETTER "J" AS A MEME! i should really do that.
no i mean soon. as in they want the youngest here before school starts. at least by a couple weeks so he can get adjusted. so, that's only weeks from now. the oldest will (should?) be here a month or so following.
i've not been telling people because i don't want to believe it. the department has told me so many things that they have not done. but it seems like they mean it this time: i've been getting extended visits with unsupervised time. also i've been meeting with the kids and their respective councelers.
the thing is, i'll be watched even closer than ever. if i thought i was under a microscope before... i was, but only under a 100x magification. now, it's a 1000x optical zoom with glare-reducing polerization.
i'm even more scared than before, because it will only take one little thing to get completely blown out of proportion for them to be taken again. and this time they will be adopted out.
it seems... futile. like the suffering will never end. like one stress will just be replaced with another. like they want me to fail. but see, i'm not going to fail. so the joke's on them.
but i wasn't the one that failed to begin with. so... that's not really a good thing either.
in other news, i'm going to physical therapy for my lower back. i have a printout of excersizes to stretch out the offending area, eventually there will be weight-training thrown in. I HAVE A LEGITIMATE PROBLEM FOLKS! i am validated that there's actually a problem that someone actually discovered. it's the joint between the tailbone and the next vertebre up. so that's a bit of good news.
i haven't been on a lot lately, the internet and comperter in general. i've been busy as fuck (with parenting classes [my last one is next week], my shrink, the kids shrinks, visits, physical therapy, my med appointments, sewing shit so i can sell it).
i've dumped both e-feds (okay they sort of dumped me) and i never realised how much time those took up. it's almost a relief, a weight off my back. and i don't feel bad about it. coming soon i won't have hardly any time at all for myself, let alone the computer and its associated bullshit.
apologies for the complete lack of updates, but really i don't have a lot to say. i could just bitch about the same things over and over, like some other people whose journals i read daily, but it feels repetitive.
i DO read my f-list, several times a day. OH OH I JUST REMEMBERED CAROL GAVE ME THE LETTER "J" AS A MEME! i should really do that.