mint and lilac [1/1]
Prompt: mint and lilac
Pairing: hyukmin
Rating: T
Genre: Angst
Summary: where sungmin borrows an eraser and hyukjae drops his heart (it breaks)
a/n: mint [adj] as if new
lilac can stand for the feelings of first love, and it is a flower that if inhaled too deeply, can cause nausea.
idk what i'm doing ok.
###
sometimes hyukjae likes to imagine he's an artist.
its always charcoal he uses. much easier, not having to worry about blending all the colors together to bleed life. The art always comes out simple, monochrome, but the eyes are always watching.
the grunge left between fingernails and skin is a given, but he hardly ever bothers to scrub it off.
###
sungmin is calloused fingers and tight smiles.
he sits beside hyukjae one day during history class and asks hyukjae for an eraser that he immediately drops.
hyukjae doesn't want to admit it, but he also likes to imagine that the eraser was a metaphor for his heart.
###
he doesn't clearly remember when sungmin starts to frequently come over but he does remember when he stopped.
the only thing he doesn't remember is why.
###
why did he stop?
###
the man who visits him daily arrives and hyukjae ignores him like he always does.
'how are you today?'
###
hyukjae went to one of sungmins recitals once, he doesn't remember much about the night but he especially remembers two things.
one was sungmin, the sungmin on the stage bathed in white lights with the biggest smile on his face as his fingers moved over his guitar like he was caressing it.
the other thing he remembered was also sungmin. the sungmin running towards him with tears in his eyes and the next thing he knows he's got an armful of sungmin and sweet lips on his.
###
sometimes, sungmin also likes to imagine things.
he likes to imagine that his wallet is always full, and that the washing machine doesn't always break down.
sometimes he also likes to imagine that the bills aren't piling up, and maybe he gets that phone call he's been waiting for all week and the good news comes, "yes mr. lee,you can start on monday."
there are also those times when he likes to imagine that hyukjae was still hyukjae, but that gets hard when he realizes that hyukjae's always been hyukjae. that doesn't stop him from trying...but only sometimes.
his imagination isn't as great as Hyukjae's is.
###
hyukjae drew sungmin once.
he'd hidden behind some boxes while he watched sungmin play and he came out an hour later after the other had gone with black smudges all over his arms and cheeks and a backache that'll last him a while, but he came out content.
sungmin would never see the oddly realistic depiction of him against a backdrop of old stage props with the guitar cradled in his arms and his brow furrowed on concentration with a pout evident on his lips. But hyukjae doesn't mind.
###
hyukjae gets tired of all the white one day so he takes out his charcoal and washes the white away.
they catch him just as he's finished drawing his twenty-fourth doe eye (wide with fright, pupils blown out)
he gets moved to a different room while his previous one gets blotted out.
###
they discover that they both like ice cream and they both like strawberry. hyukjae for the taste and sungmin for the color, and this is how they become friends.
###
sungmin screams at night sometimes. sometimes he cries too. Most of time he just whimpers.
this is one of the nights that he screams.
times like this hyukjae holds sungmin close to his chest and makes the other listen to his heart beat:
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
###
hyukjae remembers falling. he doesn't remember how high but he knows it felt like forever.
he also likes to think its a metaphor for his heart.
he doesn't remember it hurting this much the first time around.
###
"don't worry, they'll love you."
lies.
lies. lies. lies.
the rejection stings from hyukjae's eyebrow down to his jawbone, evident in the way a lifetime of memories is strewn hap-hazardously outside his childhood home.
sungmin chokes down a sob.
"it would be easier...if I was a girl."
hyukjae takes the smaller mans hand and lines it up with his, locks his eyes with sungmin's as if to say: 'see? we fit.' and smiles through all his tears.
'yes." hyukjae admits, but he interlaces their fingers anyway, drops an innocent kiss on sungmin's thumb.
sungmin smiles, just a little, and hyukjae smiles back, eyes glinting (and maybe, sungmin should have known)
###
sometimes they let hyukjae visit, but only when he's been good. The first few months hyukjae tries to be good most of the time. but by the end of six months he doesn't bother to anymore.
the beating of the heart monitor haunts hyukjae's sleep some nights.
sometimes he wishes for silence.
he always regrets the thought right after.
###
"i love you" hyukjae whispers into sungmins ear as they danced and sungmin pulls back, eyes wide and bright and disbelieving.
"what did you say?!" sungmin demands in a voice so soft hyukjae barely hears it over the band.
hyukjae laughs and leans down, takes his lips and traces three words into burning skin.
"does that answer your question?"
###
hyukjae doesn't remember a lot of things but he remembers sungmin the most.
###
sungmin sometimes opens his eyes and smiles at him and hyukjae panics and presses the red button.
by the time the doctors arrive sungmin's closed his eyes again and hyukjae blubbers and screams and throws things and the doctors shake their heads and have him dragged away.
the doctors never believe in hyukjae.
nobody ever does.
###
he wakes up one day to splitting headaches and a sungmin with gauze taped over one of his cheeks, red blooming in the center of the little white square.
"what happened?!" he asks, worried,carefully reaching out to stroke sungmins face.
sungmin smiles and gives him aspirin, his hands are shaking but-
"it's nothing, hyukkie. Don't worry."
###
where hyukjae remembers falling, sungmin is quite sure it was really flying, arms spread out with the wind ripping at his hair and tearing his at his oversized clothes (plucking out his soul). He doesn't understand the horror-struck expression on his lovers face as he hurtles 9.8 m/s towards freedom.
###
it's almost christmas eve when they leave him here. he pleads and begs and pulls at their clothes but they shake him off. They don't even look at him as they pull out the driveway and out onto the world
###
sungmin draws with crimson and silver and glints in his eyes. rivulets of red staining his fingers and arms and the white white walls and hyukjae thinks it's beautiful but the nurses never agree.
by the next day the walls are white again and so are sungmins arms.
###
the bell has rung and hyukjae sits up in anticipation, fingers playing so the eraser that he's sure sungmin is going to ask for again. it's become a habit, somehow, every history time sungmin borrows his eraser and smiles a beautiful smile and hyukjae falls harder each time.
he's also become a bit suspicious (he's sure sungmin doesn't make that many mistakes) and today, he's resolved, he'll ask.
"hey!" sungmin says the moment he slides into his seat,voice a little too loud. the teacher shoots them a quelling glare and hyukjae fights off the urge to blush.
"here." hyukjae hands over his eraser without needing to be prompted. sungmin takes it and smiles.
"thank you, hyukjae. how are you today?"
"i'm fine." hyukjae says, gathers up his courage and then, "hey, do you think, later, maybe, we can go out? you know...for coffee...or tea....whatever you like. if that's ok?"
sungmin blinks in surprise.
"my treat." hyukjae adds, hoping that would convince him.
"i'm sorry, hyukjae." his heart sinks. "it would be very unprofessional of me if i accepted..."
hyukjae frowns.
"what do you mean?"
sungmin seems to hesitate, and maybe hyukjae begins to hope a little bit before sungmin opens his mouth again, but then: "hyukjae, who do you think I am?"
"i know, i know, you're that bands guitarist, and you've got girls drooling for you everywhere. why would you even think of considering me...but, can't you give me a chance?" hyukjae tries not to plead but he ends up doing it anyway.
"hyukjae." sungmin says, and there's something there that hyukjae can't place but it makes him want to cry (he doesn't know why), sungmin gives the eraser back.
"hyukjae. i'm not sungmin."
hyukjae blinks. smiles. reboots.
"hey." he smiles, hands sungmin (not-sungmin) the eraser, butterflies in his stomach, today, he's sure, he'll finally ask him, "next time you really have to bring your own."
sungmin (but he's not, never was, never will be) accepts the eraser, takes his clipboard and writes something down.
###
"i love you" hyukjae tells him, drawing bruises over porcelain skin, soju into jagged cracks, cigarette burns and candle wax. sungmin bites into his shoulder and let's out a strangled scream.
"i love you! i love you!"
and then a quiet whimper:
"please."
###
they dressed him specially for the occasion, in some weird gown that's all straps and no sleeves and he can't see his hands. he asks them if that was really necessary and the nurse smiles and nods, wheels him slowly out.
hyukjae doesn't understand when they take him to the yard out back and nobody else is there but them.
'he's here." the nurse tells him, pointing at a tree.
hyukjae squints but all he sees is lonely granite and wilting blooms strewn over burnt out candle wicks and hardened puddles of multi-color wax.
"no he isn't." he says quietly.
he doesn't understand when the nurse begins to cry.
###
their kisses taste of copper and charcoal, sketching irises and sharp cheekbones into walls white as bone as he spills...drip...drip, on the linoleum tiles.
It's not perfect but it's love.
A/N: I'm sorry.
this is from mimi's prompt,
Pairing: hyukmin
Rating: T
Genre: Angst
Summary: where sungmin borrows an eraser and hyukjae drops his heart (it breaks)
a/n: mint [adj] as if new
lilac can stand for the feelings of first love, and it is a flower that if inhaled too deeply, can cause nausea.
idk what i'm doing ok.
###
sometimes hyukjae likes to imagine he's an artist.
its always charcoal he uses. much easier, not having to worry about blending all the colors together to bleed life. The art always comes out simple, monochrome, but the eyes are always watching.
the grunge left between fingernails and skin is a given, but he hardly ever bothers to scrub it off.
###
sungmin is calloused fingers and tight smiles.
he sits beside hyukjae one day during history class and asks hyukjae for an eraser that he immediately drops.
hyukjae doesn't want to admit it, but he also likes to imagine that the eraser was a metaphor for his heart.
###
he doesn't clearly remember when sungmin starts to frequently come over but he does remember when he stopped.
the only thing he doesn't remember is why.
###
why did he stop?
###
the man who visits him daily arrives and hyukjae ignores him like he always does.
'how are you today?'
###
hyukjae went to one of sungmins recitals once, he doesn't remember much about the night but he especially remembers two things.
one was sungmin, the sungmin on the stage bathed in white lights with the biggest smile on his face as his fingers moved over his guitar like he was caressing it.
the other thing he remembered was also sungmin. the sungmin running towards him with tears in his eyes and the next thing he knows he's got an armful of sungmin and sweet lips on his.
###
sometimes, sungmin also likes to imagine things.
he likes to imagine that his wallet is always full, and that the washing machine doesn't always break down.
sometimes he also likes to imagine that the bills aren't piling up, and maybe he gets that phone call he's been waiting for all week and the good news comes, "yes mr. lee,you can start on monday."
there are also those times when he likes to imagine that hyukjae was still hyukjae, but that gets hard when he realizes that hyukjae's always been hyukjae. that doesn't stop him from trying...but only sometimes.
his imagination isn't as great as Hyukjae's is.
###
hyukjae drew sungmin once.
he'd hidden behind some boxes while he watched sungmin play and he came out an hour later after the other had gone with black smudges all over his arms and cheeks and a backache that'll last him a while, but he came out content.
sungmin would never see the oddly realistic depiction of him against a backdrop of old stage props with the guitar cradled in his arms and his brow furrowed on concentration with a pout evident on his lips. But hyukjae doesn't mind.
###
hyukjae gets tired of all the white one day so he takes out his charcoal and washes the white away.
they catch him just as he's finished drawing his twenty-fourth doe eye (wide with fright, pupils blown out)
he gets moved to a different room while his previous one gets blotted out.
###
they discover that they both like ice cream and they both like strawberry. hyukjae for the taste and sungmin for the color, and this is how they become friends.
###
sungmin screams at night sometimes. sometimes he cries too. Most of time he just whimpers.
this is one of the nights that he screams.
times like this hyukjae holds sungmin close to his chest and makes the other listen to his heart beat:
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
###
hyukjae remembers falling. he doesn't remember how high but he knows it felt like forever.
he also likes to think its a metaphor for his heart.
he doesn't remember it hurting this much the first time around.
###
"don't worry, they'll love you."
lies.
lies. lies. lies.
the rejection stings from hyukjae's eyebrow down to his jawbone, evident in the way a lifetime of memories is strewn hap-hazardously outside his childhood home.
sungmin chokes down a sob.
"it would be easier...if I was a girl."
hyukjae takes the smaller mans hand and lines it up with his, locks his eyes with sungmin's as if to say: 'see? we fit.' and smiles through all his tears.
'yes." hyukjae admits, but he interlaces their fingers anyway, drops an innocent kiss on sungmin's thumb.
sungmin smiles, just a little, and hyukjae smiles back, eyes glinting (and maybe, sungmin should have known)
###
sometimes they let hyukjae visit, but only when he's been good. The first few months hyukjae tries to be good most of the time. but by the end of six months he doesn't bother to anymore.
the beating of the heart monitor haunts hyukjae's sleep some nights.
sometimes he wishes for silence.
he always regrets the thought right after.
###
"i love you" hyukjae whispers into sungmins ear as they danced and sungmin pulls back, eyes wide and bright and disbelieving.
"what did you say?!" sungmin demands in a voice so soft hyukjae barely hears it over the band.
hyukjae laughs and leans down, takes his lips and traces three words into burning skin.
"does that answer your question?"
###
hyukjae doesn't remember a lot of things but he remembers sungmin the most.
###
sungmin sometimes opens his eyes and smiles at him and hyukjae panics and presses the red button.
by the time the doctors arrive sungmin's closed his eyes again and hyukjae blubbers and screams and throws things and the doctors shake their heads and have him dragged away.
the doctors never believe in hyukjae.
nobody ever does.
###
he wakes up one day to splitting headaches and a sungmin with gauze taped over one of his cheeks, red blooming in the center of the little white square.
"what happened?!" he asks, worried,carefully reaching out to stroke sungmins face.
sungmin smiles and gives him aspirin, his hands are shaking but-
"it's nothing, hyukkie. Don't worry."
###
where hyukjae remembers falling, sungmin is quite sure it was really flying, arms spread out with the wind ripping at his hair and tearing his at his oversized clothes (plucking out his soul). He doesn't understand the horror-struck expression on his lovers face as he hurtles 9.8 m/s towards freedom.
###
it's almost christmas eve when they leave him here. he pleads and begs and pulls at their clothes but they shake him off. They don't even look at him as they pull out the driveway and out onto the world
###
sungmin draws with crimson and silver and glints in his eyes. rivulets of red staining his fingers and arms and the white white walls and hyukjae thinks it's beautiful but the nurses never agree.
by the next day the walls are white again and so are sungmins arms.
###
the bell has rung and hyukjae sits up in anticipation, fingers playing so the eraser that he's sure sungmin is going to ask for again. it's become a habit, somehow, every history time sungmin borrows his eraser and smiles a beautiful smile and hyukjae falls harder each time.
he's also become a bit suspicious (he's sure sungmin doesn't make that many mistakes) and today, he's resolved, he'll ask.
"hey!" sungmin says the moment he slides into his seat,voice a little too loud. the teacher shoots them a quelling glare and hyukjae fights off the urge to blush.
"here." hyukjae hands over his eraser without needing to be prompted. sungmin takes it and smiles.
"thank you, hyukjae. how are you today?"
"i'm fine." hyukjae says, gathers up his courage and then, "hey, do you think, later, maybe, we can go out? you know...for coffee...or tea....whatever you like. if that's ok?"
sungmin blinks in surprise.
"my treat." hyukjae adds, hoping that would convince him.
"i'm sorry, hyukjae." his heart sinks. "it would be very unprofessional of me if i accepted..."
hyukjae frowns.
"what do you mean?"
sungmin seems to hesitate, and maybe hyukjae begins to hope a little bit before sungmin opens his mouth again, but then: "hyukjae, who do you think I am?"
"i know, i know, you're that bands guitarist, and you've got girls drooling for you everywhere. why would you even think of considering me...but, can't you give me a chance?" hyukjae tries not to plead but he ends up doing it anyway.
"hyukjae." sungmin says, and there's something there that hyukjae can't place but it makes him want to cry (he doesn't know why), sungmin gives the eraser back.
"hyukjae. i'm not sungmin."
hyukjae blinks. smiles. reboots.
"hey." he smiles, hands sungmin (not-sungmin) the eraser, butterflies in his stomach, today, he's sure, he'll finally ask him, "next time you really have to bring your own."
sungmin (but he's not, never was, never will be) accepts the eraser, takes his clipboard and writes something down.
###
"i love you" hyukjae tells him, drawing bruises over porcelain skin, soju into jagged cracks, cigarette burns and candle wax. sungmin bites into his shoulder and let's out a strangled scream.
"i love you! i love you!"
and then a quiet whimper:
"please."
###
they dressed him specially for the occasion, in some weird gown that's all straps and no sleeves and he can't see his hands. he asks them if that was really necessary and the nurse smiles and nods, wheels him slowly out.
hyukjae doesn't understand when they take him to the yard out back and nobody else is there but them.
'he's here." the nurse tells him, pointing at a tree.
hyukjae squints but all he sees is lonely granite and wilting blooms strewn over burnt out candle wicks and hardened puddles of multi-color wax.
"no he isn't." he says quietly.
he doesn't understand when the nurse begins to cry.
###
their kisses taste of copper and charcoal, sketching irises and sharp cheekbones into walls white as bone as he spills...drip...drip, on the linoleum tiles.
It's not perfect but it's love.
A/N: I'm sorry.
this is from mimi's prompt,