Classic Think About It: Is it That Season Already?
Guys, I'm so sorry for the lack of original content this week. My only defense is to say that I'm really busting my buns on this year's NaNoWriMo book, The Book of Lisimba, and when it's done, I hope you agree it's been worth it. Regardless, I simply didn't have time to write a new Think About It this week, and for that, I greatly apologize. But I'm not going to leave you high and dry. Here's a Classic Think About It that greatly reflects my feelings about the time of year we find ourselves in. Originally presented on November 3, 2001...
Is it that season already?
“You’re going to love what I got you for Christmas.”
That’s how my sister began a conversation with me a few days ago, probably because she knows I hate conversations that begin that way.
Part of it, I suppose, is the anxiety that inevitably comes as a result of the gift-giving process. Now keep in mind I have neither a spouse nor children to buy for, so you married guys just imagine any anxiety I mention in this column and multiply it by about eleventy billion. That’s you. Poor sucker.
In my position, the primary anxiety comes in discerning who you’re getting gifts for. The family is pretty much a given -- siblings, parents, etc. But beyond that, how do you know? In most cases, you can rule out your guy friends. Single guys generally don’t purchase gifts for each other. Even on birthdays the most extravagant guys will generally get for each other is to buy a round of drinks which they consume while discussing the waitress neither one of them is having any success flirting with.
With platonic female friends (of which I have many, so many, in fact, I’m considering giving some away as gifts), it’s a bit trickier. Some of them, the ones you’re especially close to, you may want to get a gift for. Some you may want to buy for because you suspect they may be planning to get something for you. Some you’re worried about because you haven’t got the slightest idea what’s an appropriate gift for a platonic female friend and you’re wishing very much that you could just take her out for a beer and unsuccessfully flirt with the waitress together.
At any rate, various complications arising from gift-giving aside, when my sister told me this is gave me a start for another reason. She said it on Oct. 30.
Now I’m sure that many of you are reading this, slapping yourselves across the face for already missing out on three months of shopping time and rushing out to the stores like madmen with a Discover Card.
Others (and here I am again speaking of the single male demographic) are looking at a calendar saying, “It’s Nov. 3 now, that means I’ve got... seven... 14... carry the four... lots of time.”
Oh, you think it’s lots of time, my friends, but it’s not. At least, not if we are to believe the advertising and in-store displays currently being foisted upon us by the retail industry. (And they are being foisted, make no mistake about that. Those guys have foisting permits and everything.)
It’s been said before but it bears repeating: every year the Christmas buying season seems to get longer and longer. A week ago, just before Halloween, I was in traffic stuck behind a guy with a skeleton in the rear window of his car... and the skeleton was wearing a Santa Claus hat!
Look, I’m all for the Christmas spirit. After Thanksgiving I dust off my own Santa hat and I get all jolly and rotund and it’s a wonderful thing... but folks, if you do it too soon it’s going to lose all the magic. Let’s take this brief quiz to see if you’re thinking about the holidays too early:
Multiple Choice:
1. The first sign of the Christmas season is...
A) Santa Claus appearing in Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.
B) Christmas trees going up for sale at the supermarket.
C) QVC packages piling up on your front stoop taller than the combined height of your children.
2. The sound that makes me think most of Christmas is...
A) Carols being sung by a choir
B) Sleigh bells
C) The sound of a pair of scissors going through another credit card that’s over its limit.
True or False:
If, by Christmas Eve, you don’t have a gift for one of the females on your list, perfume is always a safe bet.
A) True
B) You haven’t finished shopping by Christmas Eve? What kind of Nazi freak are you? Get out of our country!
Essay Question:
Do you feel that the commercial aspects of the holiday season have overshadowed the religious aspects, and if so, can you tell me where to find some of those neon Wise Men and maybe a Frosty to go in my front yard because by God, this year, I’m gonna have the best display in the neighborhood.
Scoring:
Give yourself one point for every question you bothered to answer then go out for a drink and unsuccessfully flirt with a waitress until Nov. 23. Then you can start worrying about Christmas. I’ll be at the next table.
Blake M. Petit can be reached at the next table. He’s eating the cheeseburger, see? He's waving. Contact him with comments or suggestions at BlakePT@cox.net, visit him on the web at www.EvertimeRealms.com or visit the Evertime LiveJournal,
blakemp.
Is it that season already?
“You’re going to love what I got you for Christmas.”
That’s how my sister began a conversation with me a few days ago, probably because she knows I hate conversations that begin that way.
Part of it, I suppose, is the anxiety that inevitably comes as a result of the gift-giving process. Now keep in mind I have neither a spouse nor children to buy for, so you married guys just imagine any anxiety I mention in this column and multiply it by about eleventy billion. That’s you. Poor sucker.
In my position, the primary anxiety comes in discerning who you’re getting gifts for. The family is pretty much a given -- siblings, parents, etc. But beyond that, how do you know? In most cases, you can rule out your guy friends. Single guys generally don’t purchase gifts for each other. Even on birthdays the most extravagant guys will generally get for each other is to buy a round of drinks which they consume while discussing the waitress neither one of them is having any success flirting with.
With platonic female friends (of which I have many, so many, in fact, I’m considering giving some away as gifts), it’s a bit trickier. Some of them, the ones you’re especially close to, you may want to get a gift for. Some you may want to buy for because you suspect they may be planning to get something for you. Some you’re worried about because you haven’t got the slightest idea what’s an appropriate gift for a platonic female friend and you’re wishing very much that you could just take her out for a beer and unsuccessfully flirt with the waitress together.
At any rate, various complications arising from gift-giving aside, when my sister told me this is gave me a start for another reason. She said it on Oct. 30.
Now I’m sure that many of you are reading this, slapping yourselves across the face for already missing out on three months of shopping time and rushing out to the stores like madmen with a Discover Card.
Others (and here I am again speaking of the single male demographic) are looking at a calendar saying, “It’s Nov. 3 now, that means I’ve got... seven... 14... carry the four... lots of time.”
Oh, you think it’s lots of time, my friends, but it’s not. At least, not if we are to believe the advertising and in-store displays currently being foisted upon us by the retail industry. (And they are being foisted, make no mistake about that. Those guys have foisting permits and everything.)
It’s been said before but it bears repeating: every year the Christmas buying season seems to get longer and longer. A week ago, just before Halloween, I was in traffic stuck behind a guy with a skeleton in the rear window of his car... and the skeleton was wearing a Santa Claus hat!
Look, I’m all for the Christmas spirit. After Thanksgiving I dust off my own Santa hat and I get all jolly and rotund and it’s a wonderful thing... but folks, if you do it too soon it’s going to lose all the magic. Let’s take this brief quiz to see if you’re thinking about the holidays too early:
Multiple Choice:
1. The first sign of the Christmas season is...
A) Santa Claus appearing in Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.
B) Christmas trees going up for sale at the supermarket.
C) QVC packages piling up on your front stoop taller than the combined height of your children.
2. The sound that makes me think most of Christmas is...
A) Carols being sung by a choir
B) Sleigh bells
C) The sound of a pair of scissors going through another credit card that’s over its limit.
True or False:
If, by Christmas Eve, you don’t have a gift for one of the females on your list, perfume is always a safe bet.
A) True
B) You haven’t finished shopping by Christmas Eve? What kind of Nazi freak are you? Get out of our country!
Essay Question:
Do you feel that the commercial aspects of the holiday season have overshadowed the religious aspects, and if so, can you tell me where to find some of those neon Wise Men and maybe a Frosty to go in my front yard because by God, this year, I’m gonna have the best display in the neighborhood.
Scoring:
Give yourself one point for every question you bothered to answer then go out for a drink and unsuccessfully flirt with a waitress until Nov. 23. Then you can start worrying about Christmas. I’ll be at the next table.
Blake M. Petit can be reached at the next table. He’s eating the cheeseburger, see? He's waving. Contact him with comments or suggestions at BlakePT@cox.net, visit him on the web at www.EvertimeRealms.com or visit the Evertime LiveJournal,
blakemp.