The Movies of March
Is it March already, guys? I’m pretty sure I’ve still got a candy cane here somewhere - not to mention a half-dozen holiday movie releases I never got around to seeing. But March it is, and with March comes a whole new month of movies - some may be great, some may be lousy, but we’re going to go over as many of the wide release films as we can here. Let’s get started…
Opening March 3:
16 Blocks. Bruce Willis (“Hostage”) and Mos Def (“The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”) star in this drama about an aging cop assigned to protect a witness on his way to the courthouse while some nasty individuals who don’t want him to testify try to keep him from the stand. Mos Def, frankly, doesn’t impress me as an actor, but Willis has done a far better job maintaining his tough guy/action hero image into his later years than some others (Harrison Ford comes to mind), mostly by taking roles that recognize the fact that he’s getting older and using that in the plot. His part in “Sin City” was pretty dependent on that fact, and it was one of his best performances in years. If I see this flick, it will be due to him.
Aquamarine. Two teenage girls (JoJo, “Developing Sheldon,” and Emma Roberts, “Spymate”) discover a mermaid (Sara Paxton, “Sleepover”) in a neighborhood pool and begin to hatch a plant to get her back to the ocean and save her life. With “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” and “The Princess Diaries” making a big splash (rimshot) lately, it seems inevitable that more teen girl comedies would come down the pike, and make no mistake, that’s pretty much all you’ll find in this theater.
Dave Chapelle’s Block Party. Dave Chapelle, late of Comedy Central, is the star of this standup concert/documentary film, which also features performances by Mos Def, Kanye West, Erykah Badu and other musicians. Chapelle’s sudden breakdown last year led to the abrupt cancellation of his popular TV show (although Comedy Central is collecting some finished sketches into an abbreviated final season), and left a lot of fans upset. People who loved his TV show will most certainly turn out for this movie, and may make it a surprise hit.
Ultraviolet. Geez, déjà vu. I wrote about this movie last month and now I’m doing it again, because they pushed back the release date. In a nutshell, Milla Jovovich (Resident Evil) plays a bizarre vampire-like creature in this sci-fi film about a civil war between those creatures and the humans that created them. Jovovich has a habit of picking out visually thrilling but creatively bereft action movies - frankly, I expect this to live up to form.
Opening March 10:
Failure to Launch. Another February release that got bumped to March stars Matthew McConaughey (“Sahara”) and Sarah Jessica Parker (“Sex and the City”) about a woman who finds a man who’s perfect except for one thing - he’s in his 30s and lives with his parents. Chances are the title of this film will factor heavily into the reviews…
The Hills Have Eyes. The latest pointless horror movie remake (based on the 1977 original by Wes Craven) stars Aaron Stanford (“X2: X-Men United”) and Kathleen Quinlan (“The Battle of Shaker Heights”) in a tale of a normal family that accidentally winds up on an atomic testing range where the human inhabitants have mutated into bloodthirsty monsters. Remakes in general are usually bad ideas. This looks like an even worse idea than usual.
The Shaggy Dog. Hey, another remake! Oh well, at least it isn’t a horror movie this time. Tim Allen (“Christmas With the Kranks”) stars in this remake of an old Disney comedy about an overworked District Attorney who stumbles into an accident that transforms him into a dog. The film also stars Kristen Davis (“Sex and the City”), Danny Glover (“Saw”) and Robert Downy Jr. (“Kiss Kiss Bang Bang”). Allen has carved out a safe niche for himself in family-friendly comedies and this will probably satisfy his fans, but don’t go into this film expecting anything exciting or innovative.
Opening March 17:
She’s the Man. Amanda Bynes (“What a Girl Wants”) disguises herself as her own twin brother (James Kirk, “Final Destination 2”) to gain a spot at a prestigious boarding school. What she didn’t count on was falling in love with her roommate (Channing Tatum, “Supercross”). To make matters worse, the boy she loves is in love with another girl (Laura Ramsey, “Lords of Dogtown”), who is, in turn, falling in love with the girl disguised as a boy. This may not be a remake, but I know I’ve seen this before somewhere. Probably in the 80s. It seemed pretty ridiculous then, too.
V For Vendetta. Based on a classic graphic novel by Alan Moore (whose work includes “From Hell” and “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen,” both of which were far better comic books than movies), this film stars Natalie Portman (“Star Wars Episode III”) and Hugo Weaving (the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy) in a tale about a near-future England that has become a fascist state and an anarchic terrorist (Weaving) who fights against the system. The original graphic novel is a groundbreaking work, but it’s dangerous to try to make an audience feel for a terrorist. The film is produced by the Wachowski brothers, who worked with Weaving before in their own “Matrix” trilogy, and they’ve got a very delicate balancing act to do here.
Opening March 24:
Inside Man. Denzel Washington (“The Manchurian Candidate”), Clive Owen (“Sin City”), Jodie Foster (“Flightplan”), Willem DaFoe (“Manderlay”) and Chiwetel Ejiofor (“Serenity”) star in this thriller about a cop who has to defuse a tense hostage situation after a bank robbery goes wrong. Spike Lee (“The 25th Hour”) directs the film, and he’s put together one heck of a cast. I’d at least consider seeing a movie featuring any one of these actors - putting them all together makes this perhaps the most interesting release of the month.
Stay Alive. Frankie Muniz (“Malcolm in the Middle”), Samaire Armstrong (“DarkWolf”), Jon Foster (“The Door in the Floor”) and Sophia Bush (“Supercross”) star in this horror film about a group of video game fanatics chosen to test a new game. They don’t know about the catch, though - when their character dies in the game, they die in real life. This seems like a pretty basic teen horror flick, and depending on the execution it could be excruciatingly bad, surprisingly entertaining or anywhere in between. I’m still waiting to hear more buzz to decide if I’ll give it a go, even on video.
Opening March 31:
ATL. As four friends (including rappers Big Boi and Bone Crusher) prepare to graduate high school, each of them find themselves at a turning point, all of which seem to converge at the local roller rink. Simple enough, right? Seems like your run-of-the-mill coming of age comedy/drama, which means it’ll have its audience, but people who didn’t “come of age” in similar circumstances probably won’t get into it.
Basic Instinct 2. That’s right, friends - 14 years after making her career in the original “Basic Instinct,” Sharon Stone goes into a last-ditch effort to save it with a sequel. This time out Stone’s character, novelist Catherine Tramell, is again in trouble with the law, and Scotland Yard assigns a psychiatrist (David Morrisey, “Derailed”) to evaluate her. Like Michael Douglas’s character from the first film, he gets drawn into a “web of seduction.” Is anyone looking forward to this movie? Even the original (which actually was fairly satisfying as a mind twister) only made its mark because of some scenes which, while shocking for the time, are kind of tame by today’s standards. This movie has bomb written all over it.
Ice Age 2: The Meltdown. I’ll be far more likely to see this sequel than the “Basic Instinct” one. Following 2002’s computer animated hit, Ray Romano, Denis Leary and John Leguizamo reprise their roles as animals on the arctic shelf. This time, the Ice Age is ending and the melting of the shelf could destroy their valley home. This time out they’re joined by Jay Leno, Queen Latifah (“Last Holiday”) and Seann William Scott (“The Dukes of Hazzard”). I liked the first film well enough, but was it good enough to justify a sequel? I guess we’ll find out whether we want to or not.
Lucky Number Slevin. No, that’s not a typo, guys - “Lucky Number Slevin” features Josh Hartnett (“Mozart and the Whale”) as an unlucky man who, through a case of mistaken identity, winds up in the middle of a murder plotted by crime boss Ben Kinglsey (“House of Sand and Fog”). The film also features Lucy Liu (“Kill Bill”), Bruce Willis (“Hostage”) and Morgan Freeman (“Batman Begins”). Director Paul McGuigan (“The Reckoning”) doesn’t show up on my radar - I don’t really care for Hartnett, but the rest of the cast is impressive.
Slither. A sleepy little all-American town is suddenly overrun with hideous, carnivorous slug-monsters. Really, what else is there to say? This movie has B-movie cheese written all over it, but you know what? Sometimes that could be okay. The film features Nathan Fillion (“Serenity”), Elizabeth Banks (“The 40-Year Old Virgin”), Michael Rooker (“Eliminator”) and Gregg Henry (“Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever”). It doesn’t look good, it doesn’t look innovative, but despite that, I actually think it looks like it may be fun, the sort of lousy movie you watch with your friends and laugh at the screen. May be worth checking out.
Opening March 3:
16 Blocks. Bruce Willis (“Hostage”) and Mos Def (“The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”) star in this drama about an aging cop assigned to protect a witness on his way to the courthouse while some nasty individuals who don’t want him to testify try to keep him from the stand. Mos Def, frankly, doesn’t impress me as an actor, but Willis has done a far better job maintaining his tough guy/action hero image into his later years than some others (Harrison Ford comes to mind), mostly by taking roles that recognize the fact that he’s getting older and using that in the plot. His part in “Sin City” was pretty dependent on that fact, and it was one of his best performances in years. If I see this flick, it will be due to him.
Aquamarine. Two teenage girls (JoJo, “Developing Sheldon,” and Emma Roberts, “Spymate”) discover a mermaid (Sara Paxton, “Sleepover”) in a neighborhood pool and begin to hatch a plant to get her back to the ocean and save her life. With “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” and “The Princess Diaries” making a big splash (rimshot) lately, it seems inevitable that more teen girl comedies would come down the pike, and make no mistake, that’s pretty much all you’ll find in this theater.
Dave Chapelle’s Block Party. Dave Chapelle, late of Comedy Central, is the star of this standup concert/documentary film, which also features performances by Mos Def, Kanye West, Erykah Badu and other musicians. Chapelle’s sudden breakdown last year led to the abrupt cancellation of his popular TV show (although Comedy Central is collecting some finished sketches into an abbreviated final season), and left a lot of fans upset. People who loved his TV show will most certainly turn out for this movie, and may make it a surprise hit.
Ultraviolet. Geez, déjà vu. I wrote about this movie last month and now I’m doing it again, because they pushed back the release date. In a nutshell, Milla Jovovich (Resident Evil) plays a bizarre vampire-like creature in this sci-fi film about a civil war between those creatures and the humans that created them. Jovovich has a habit of picking out visually thrilling but creatively bereft action movies - frankly, I expect this to live up to form.
Opening March 10:
Failure to Launch. Another February release that got bumped to March stars Matthew McConaughey (“Sahara”) and Sarah Jessica Parker (“Sex and the City”) about a woman who finds a man who’s perfect except for one thing - he’s in his 30s and lives with his parents. Chances are the title of this film will factor heavily into the reviews…
The Hills Have Eyes. The latest pointless horror movie remake (based on the 1977 original by Wes Craven) stars Aaron Stanford (“X2: X-Men United”) and Kathleen Quinlan (“The Battle of Shaker Heights”) in a tale of a normal family that accidentally winds up on an atomic testing range where the human inhabitants have mutated into bloodthirsty monsters. Remakes in general are usually bad ideas. This looks like an even worse idea than usual.
The Shaggy Dog. Hey, another remake! Oh well, at least it isn’t a horror movie this time. Tim Allen (“Christmas With the Kranks”) stars in this remake of an old Disney comedy about an overworked District Attorney who stumbles into an accident that transforms him into a dog. The film also stars Kristen Davis (“Sex and the City”), Danny Glover (“Saw”) and Robert Downy Jr. (“Kiss Kiss Bang Bang”). Allen has carved out a safe niche for himself in family-friendly comedies and this will probably satisfy his fans, but don’t go into this film expecting anything exciting or innovative.
Opening March 17:
She’s the Man. Amanda Bynes (“What a Girl Wants”) disguises herself as her own twin brother (James Kirk, “Final Destination 2”) to gain a spot at a prestigious boarding school. What she didn’t count on was falling in love with her roommate (Channing Tatum, “Supercross”). To make matters worse, the boy she loves is in love with another girl (Laura Ramsey, “Lords of Dogtown”), who is, in turn, falling in love with the girl disguised as a boy. This may not be a remake, but I know I’ve seen this before somewhere. Probably in the 80s. It seemed pretty ridiculous then, too.
V For Vendetta. Based on a classic graphic novel by Alan Moore (whose work includes “From Hell” and “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen,” both of which were far better comic books than movies), this film stars Natalie Portman (“Star Wars Episode III”) and Hugo Weaving (the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy) in a tale about a near-future England that has become a fascist state and an anarchic terrorist (Weaving) who fights against the system. The original graphic novel is a groundbreaking work, but it’s dangerous to try to make an audience feel for a terrorist. The film is produced by the Wachowski brothers, who worked with Weaving before in their own “Matrix” trilogy, and they’ve got a very delicate balancing act to do here.
Opening March 24:
Inside Man. Denzel Washington (“The Manchurian Candidate”), Clive Owen (“Sin City”), Jodie Foster (“Flightplan”), Willem DaFoe (“Manderlay”) and Chiwetel Ejiofor (“Serenity”) star in this thriller about a cop who has to defuse a tense hostage situation after a bank robbery goes wrong. Spike Lee (“The 25th Hour”) directs the film, and he’s put together one heck of a cast. I’d at least consider seeing a movie featuring any one of these actors - putting them all together makes this perhaps the most interesting release of the month.
Stay Alive. Frankie Muniz (“Malcolm in the Middle”), Samaire Armstrong (“DarkWolf”), Jon Foster (“The Door in the Floor”) and Sophia Bush (“Supercross”) star in this horror film about a group of video game fanatics chosen to test a new game. They don’t know about the catch, though - when their character dies in the game, they die in real life. This seems like a pretty basic teen horror flick, and depending on the execution it could be excruciatingly bad, surprisingly entertaining or anywhere in between. I’m still waiting to hear more buzz to decide if I’ll give it a go, even on video.
Opening March 31:
ATL. As four friends (including rappers Big Boi and Bone Crusher) prepare to graduate high school, each of them find themselves at a turning point, all of which seem to converge at the local roller rink. Simple enough, right? Seems like your run-of-the-mill coming of age comedy/drama, which means it’ll have its audience, but people who didn’t “come of age” in similar circumstances probably won’t get into it.
Basic Instinct 2. That’s right, friends - 14 years after making her career in the original “Basic Instinct,” Sharon Stone goes into a last-ditch effort to save it with a sequel. This time out Stone’s character, novelist Catherine Tramell, is again in trouble with the law, and Scotland Yard assigns a psychiatrist (David Morrisey, “Derailed”) to evaluate her. Like Michael Douglas’s character from the first film, he gets drawn into a “web of seduction.” Is anyone looking forward to this movie? Even the original (which actually was fairly satisfying as a mind twister) only made its mark because of some scenes which, while shocking for the time, are kind of tame by today’s standards. This movie has bomb written all over it.
Ice Age 2: The Meltdown. I’ll be far more likely to see this sequel than the “Basic Instinct” one. Following 2002’s computer animated hit, Ray Romano, Denis Leary and John Leguizamo reprise their roles as animals on the arctic shelf. This time, the Ice Age is ending and the melting of the shelf could destroy their valley home. This time out they’re joined by Jay Leno, Queen Latifah (“Last Holiday”) and Seann William Scott (“The Dukes of Hazzard”). I liked the first film well enough, but was it good enough to justify a sequel? I guess we’ll find out whether we want to or not.
Lucky Number Slevin. No, that’s not a typo, guys - “Lucky Number Slevin” features Josh Hartnett (“Mozart and the Whale”) as an unlucky man who, through a case of mistaken identity, winds up in the middle of a murder plotted by crime boss Ben Kinglsey (“House of Sand and Fog”). The film also features Lucy Liu (“Kill Bill”), Bruce Willis (“Hostage”) and Morgan Freeman (“Batman Begins”). Director Paul McGuigan (“The Reckoning”) doesn’t show up on my radar - I don’t really care for Hartnett, but the rest of the cast is impressive.
Slither. A sleepy little all-American town is suddenly overrun with hideous, carnivorous slug-monsters. Really, what else is there to say? This movie has B-movie cheese written all over it, but you know what? Sometimes that could be okay. The film features Nathan Fillion (“Serenity”), Elizabeth Banks (“The 40-Year Old Virgin”), Michael Rooker (“Eliminator”) and Gregg Henry (“Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever”). It doesn’t look good, it doesn’t look innovative, but despite that, I actually think it looks like it may be fun, the sort of lousy movie you watch with your friends and laugh at the screen. May be worth checking out.