Ten Top Fanfic Hates

[tahariel]

I've been rereading some of my old books lately, remembering how much I loved them. First I reread my Anita Blake books, and I was really enjoying them all the way through book nine until book ten, when it became crap. Those who have read them will know what I mean; those who haven't cannot understand the depths of rubbishness to which they sank. This is my 'late Laurell K. Hamilton' impression:

Ooh, a sexy new character! He's sexy! Ooh, a shiny new power! It's shiny!

So I gave up and didn't finish rereading the series. Now I'm rereading The Wheel of Time, and even though Robert Jordan has made it hugely long and complex and difficult to remember so you have to reread it every time a new one comes out, and even though he pairs everyone up like a big romantic girl, I'd forgotten how brilliant it really is. Just... wow. The patience and the planning and the sheer cleverness of it all. I love it all over again.

Now for a new feature which I've decided to do because I want to and I feel bitchy today:

Ten Things Amy Hates to Find in Fanfic

Out-of-character-ness: Please, for the love of God, if you're writing fanfic keep the characters in character, because otherwise it's not fanfic, it's just mess. Fanfic implies that you be able to recognise the characters and situations when you read it, not that the names be the same.

Feminisation of male characters in slash: Why, why, why, are you writing a heterosexual story with male plumbing? Isn't the point of slash that both of them are men, with all that implies, rather than one being a woman wearing a man suit? This is one of the most common things to piss me off. People writing stories which obviously hold the relationship at the centre of it to heterosexual roles. Why, for instance, would two guys necessarily want to adopt kids/have kids? Sure, they might do, but most don't. That's more a girl thing, more often than not.

Limp dialogue: If the original show is incredibly witty, and you are not, don't try to be, because it falls flat. I know that you might want to write fanfic in that fandom, but really, some things are hard to imitate, you know? You can write fanfic which doesn't try to be witty in that fandom and still have it ring true, if you're good.

Getting things wrong: As in getting details wrong that are clearly known from the canon. Yes, everyone makes mistakes, but sometimes it's not a mistake it's just you being stupid. 'Nuff said.

Bad spelling: It's not hard to hit spellcheck at least, is it? Or even to actually read it before posting it? I'd like to be able to read what you wrote without having to correct spelling in my head so that I can understand your puerile meanderings. (Ooh, harsh!) And bad grammar! Ohmigod, if you mean to do any sort of writing at all, learn the rules of the language in which you are writing! Supposedly you were born into it! It's not that hard!

Cliche: Sometimes it works, especially when the author is doing it on purpose. Sometimes it's just stupid and boring and there are a million other fics out there exactly the same and much better than yours. Suck it up and write something original, m'kay?

Spoilers which aren't listed at the top: Not everyone has read/watched as far as you, and that's fine, except for when you don't warn people. Because then we find out whether we want to or not. And, you know, that sucks, alright? I'm one of those people who hates knowing about anything before it happens before my very own eyes, and I've been known to make horrifying threats towards people who try to tell me anything I don't already know.

Americanisation/any sort of nation-isation: Don't bitch about not knowing the customs of the place where something is set, that's where it's set and anything else is un-canon and doesn't work and is bad. It's not hard to ask questions or merely avoid areas where you might have to show your iggerance. It's called RESEARCH, and there's this pretty thing called the INTERNET now which makes that a whole lot easier.

Everyone's gay! stories: Because there's such a high ratio of gay people to straight people that everyone in a given show could possibly be gay at once unless by some massively improbable fluke which doesn't fit with anything ever *eyeroll* See: Gundam Wing, where all the pilots are apparently gay, and all the girls are lesbians, and so they all have babies together and are happy and gay. And gay, did I mention gay? I like slash, but I want to be able to believe it, I'm not one of those people who goes, 'cool, they're gay, that's so hawt'.

The never-ending story: Where basically there's no plot, but the story just goes on and on forever about banalities. It may have started out with a plot, but you never wanted it to end, so you just kept going about how they all settled down and had babies and marital or marital-equivalent bliss. Yeah, I don't really care enough to read forever and ever. End it on a high, there is always a better end point than 'and then she washed his socks and they were clean and he loved her more than any Jedi warrior in the entire universe and gave her a big wet kiss and...'

I'd love to see anyone else's top ten, if you feel up to doing it. Either post on your own ljs or in the comments here. Or add any to the list, even, that you feel have not yet been properly represented. Feel free to be as bitchy and rude towards stupid people are you like :D (I have low tolerance for stupidity, as you may have gathered XD)