(no subject)
Free cat to good home. ...
[entry code: dear diary]
Okay, so, I have some problems now. I had a powerful dream that somehow helped me get in touch with an inner truth and allowed me to make a decision - so I've decided to come home(er...to Arizona - since there could be some ambiguity on what I'd consider home now, along with some reticence, due to some ...stoopid... choices made by other folks in Arizona). I spent almost a week trying to figure out when I should come home, and in the end I decided I shouldn't delay any.
So, I'm writing this on an iPad, and am thus motivated to be brief.
Things with I'm loving 'Fox' more every week and yet we are both more and more frequently cranky. He does not like this...though he does seem to understand the necessity perhaps even more than I do. At first I thought this decision meant a break up, and I thought I wanted that (complicated), and 'Fox' needed that. But now I don't wanna. And I might be a coward for this, but I've left it up to him: maintaining an emotional connection with him in a long-distance relationship will be difficult, but I really don't expect to feel cheated about missing out on the physical...er... Anyway, I think if we could keep "close," I won't want to date. I'd be lonely and miserable either way, while going through my PHD program (knock on wood).
But someone please find him a job. If you don't know, I'll tell you: same-sexed couples cannot earn a green card through marriage in America, even in a gay-marriage state. Somehow that's a threat to national security, whereas heterosexual marriages earning cards wouldn't be? I didn't realize this when I started dating in Korea, or I may not have. By the way, it still works in Canada. I think.
Lessee, other problems... I'm missing half a month's pay. It's somehow due to my employer's change (which I had almost no choice in - suck).
Heating has been mega expensive no matter what I do. The thermostat is set for 17 degrees Celsius right now, and that's just for the cat. I thought about turning it off, but I can't figure out how. And with my change in boss/school, asking for help is difficult and maybe tactless (since I just gave my resignation notice).
Tardis needs a home. I wishfully think that I can go to Arizona, find a job within a few months, and then find a place to live, where I can keep her. 'Fox' won't take her, but I can't figure out why - it's half his, and I have nowhere to put her :( . Well, I have a couple people I can ask still, but I feel like it's an unreasonable request. I'd previously planned that if worse comes to worse, I could sell her to a breeder here in korea...but I guess you don't do that, so much as sell her, uh, services; they don't want to buy the cow, so-to-speak.
I have contracts with my phone and Internet services. I think the phone one is easy, but the Internet...suck.
I still need to buy a plane ticket. But my computer doesn't turn on anymore, so it's become a lot more difficult to check the statices of my American bank accounts. Which makes me nervous.
I have a lot of junk, that I bought partially for 'Fox's' sake. He was nesting I think, only he needed to do it by-proxy, and I let him. I agreed to it when I was leaving for Arizona back in August, and it was probably out of guilt, since if and when I'd return to Korea was at the time undetermined. Well now...I need to avoid those types of agreements ("I'll decorate your new apartment but you pay, okay?"). I feel about the same regarding my decision to get Tardis. She's adorable, and usually therapeutic, but Maybe that shouldn't have been enough justification. ...maybe I should tell him these things still bother me? I ultimately made the decisions (and by the way, pure bred cats are expensive!) but it still bothers me after six months.
There's a lot more too...but I don't even know what. The hard part is, 'Fox' wants to see me several nights a week plus Friday through Sunday, so I'm left with very little time to get anything done unless I either say no, or I work on the going-away stuff while he's with me. Both options are rather rude. I explained this problem to him the other day, and he seems to understand, but he didn't really respond. I asked if I should avoid talking about it, and he didn't really answer that either, but it's sorta moot anyway; I speak what's on my mind by habit, and one aspect or another is bothering me all the time now.
Man...I'm having trouble prioritizing. I wish I could keep my apartment a few days after my last day of work; I'm overworked and so tired on weekdays (and I don't get enough downtime on the weekends) that it'd really help to be jobless...if it weren't for my money needs.
Someone find Tardis a home, or 'Fox' a job, in Arizona, and I'll be a good deal less stressed.
[edit:]. I was able to remember my login names and passwords of both my Bakst, AND I was worrying needlessly - it looks like there are no glitches in either.
[entry code: dear diary]
Okay, so, I have some problems now. I had a powerful dream that somehow helped me get in touch with an inner truth and allowed me to make a decision - so I've decided to come home(er...to Arizona - since there could be some ambiguity on what I'd consider home now, along with some reticence, due to some ...stoopid... choices made by other folks in Arizona). I spent almost a week trying to figure out when I should come home, and in the end I decided I shouldn't delay any.
So, I'm writing this on an iPad, and am thus motivated to be brief.
Things with I'm loving 'Fox' more every week and yet we are both more and more frequently cranky. He does not like this...though he does seem to understand the necessity perhaps even more than I do. At first I thought this decision meant a break up, and I thought I wanted that (complicated), and 'Fox' needed that. But now I don't wanna. And I might be a coward for this, but I've left it up to him: maintaining an emotional connection with him in a long-distance relationship will be difficult, but I really don't expect to feel cheated about missing out on the physical...er... Anyway, I think if we could keep "close," I won't want to date. I'd be lonely and miserable either way, while going through my PHD program (knock on wood).
But someone please find him a job. If you don't know, I'll tell you: same-sexed couples cannot earn a green card through marriage in America, even in a gay-marriage state. Somehow that's a threat to national security, whereas heterosexual marriages earning cards wouldn't be? I didn't realize this when I started dating in Korea, or I may not have. By the way, it still works in Canada. I think.
Lessee, other problems... I'm missing half a month's pay. It's somehow due to my employer's change (which I had almost no choice in - suck).
Heating has been mega expensive no matter what I do. The thermostat is set for 17 degrees Celsius right now, and that's just for the cat. I thought about turning it off, but I can't figure out how. And with my change in boss/school, asking for help is difficult and maybe tactless (since I just gave my resignation notice).
Tardis needs a home. I wishfully think that I can go to Arizona, find a job within a few months, and then find a place to live, where I can keep her. 'Fox' won't take her, but I can't figure out why - it's half his, and I have nowhere to put her :( . Well, I have a couple people I can ask still, but I feel like it's an unreasonable request. I'd previously planned that if worse comes to worse, I could sell her to a breeder here in korea...but I guess you don't do that, so much as sell her, uh, services; they don't want to buy the cow, so-to-speak.
I have contracts with my phone and Internet services. I think the phone one is easy, but the Internet...suck.
I still need to buy a plane ticket. But my computer doesn't turn on anymore, so it's become a lot more difficult to check the statices of my American bank accounts. Which makes me nervous.
I have a lot of junk, that I bought partially for 'Fox's' sake. He was nesting I think, only he needed to do it by-proxy, and I let him. I agreed to it when I was leaving for Arizona back in August, and it was probably out of guilt, since if and when I'd return to Korea was at the time undetermined. Well now...I need to avoid those types of agreements ("I'll decorate your new apartment but you pay, okay?"). I feel about the same regarding my decision to get Tardis. She's adorable, and usually therapeutic, but Maybe that shouldn't have been enough justification. ...maybe I should tell him these things still bother me? I ultimately made the decisions (and by the way, pure bred cats are expensive!) but it still bothers me after six months.
There's a lot more too...but I don't even know what. The hard part is, 'Fox' wants to see me several nights a week plus Friday through Sunday, so I'm left with very little time to get anything done unless I either say no, or I work on the going-away stuff while he's with me. Both options are rather rude. I explained this problem to him the other day, and he seems to understand, but he didn't really respond. I asked if I should avoid talking about it, and he didn't really answer that either, but it's sorta moot anyway; I speak what's on my mind by habit, and one aspect or another is bothering me all the time now.
Man...I'm having trouble prioritizing. I wish I could keep my apartment a few days after my last day of work; I'm overworked and so tired on weekdays (and I don't get enough downtime on the weekends) that it'd really help to be jobless...if it weren't for my money needs.
Someone find Tardis a home, or 'Fox' a job, in Arizona, and I'll be a good deal less stressed.
[edit:]. I was able to remember my login names and passwords of both my Bakst, AND I was worrying needlessly - it looks like there are no glitches in either.