Strawberries and Cream [6a]
Title: Strawberries and Cream
Characters: Nichkhun, Taecyeon, Chansung, Minjun, Junho
Rating: PG-13 (caution: suggestive scenes and ideas)
Word count: 7,117
Author’s note: Hope this turned out okay! I actually wanted some real conflict to happen... also, I tried avoiding fluff because I already had enough of it in the previous chapter... Um, later on in this chapter, I use abbreviations. MJ is Minjun, CS is Chansung, and TY is Taecyeon. Anyways, this turned out a little longer than I thought lol... Enjoy! :D
6.23.13-6.26.13
Chapter 6
Nichkhun gripped the bullet in his hand so tightly that his knuckles were deathly white and his fingers were turning red and slightly purple from cutting off his own blood circulation. He couldn’t contain his anger. His father was on this property, shooting and killing people. Nichkhun couldn’t believe it. It didn’t matter if his father was the actual murderer, but he knew his father was the one who ordered it. Why did I have to be related to this abomination of a father?! He was now inside the hotel and he stepped into the elevator. Nichkhun tried to maintain his anger now, in case people were watching. He checked his watch. 10:55pm.
He might have ran into his step-brother at this point, so he took the longer hall and walked briskly. He didn’t want to run, otherwise that would have attracted too much attention. Every single second passed, and Nichkhun was getting discombobulated with his emotions. Fuming anger because of his father but also fear that Taecyeon would find out that he had left the room... No, that wouldn’t happen, Nichkhun reassured himself. He would get back in time and strip off his clothes and run into the bathroom to start showering. Then his half-brother would arrive on time and promptly at 11pm calling out, “Nichkhun?” and he’d yell that he was in the shower and everything would be fine. Nichkhun stuffed the bullet in his pant pocket, deciding that he’d leave that issue behind for a little while and come back to it later.
Nichkhun reached his hotel room and searched his pockets for the keys, suddenly panicking at the idea that perhaps he had left that inside the room as well... but then he found it in his backpocket. Nichkhun fumbled with the keys before finally inserting it into the keyhole. His fingers were shaking and refused to work with him. Finally with a twist and a steady click, the door opened and Nichkhun edged into the room carefully. The clock on the wall indicated it was 10:58pm. Nichkhun looked around the room carefully but there was no sign of Taecyeon... with a sigh of relief, he loosened his tie. He tossed the tie onto the bed when he suddenly heard the floor of the room creak.
“Where the hell have you been?”
Shit.Taecyeon was back. He spun around and met the gaze of his step-brother. Suddenly Taecyeon seemed really tall and frightening... “H-hyung...”
Taecyeon stepped closer to Nichkhun, breathing slowly with anger. It was clear that he was upset. But more so than anything, he realized Taecyeon looked extremely disheveled. Even though he looked upset, he talked calmly, like as if not letting any of his bolts and screws come off loose. “Nichkhun, what did I say?”
“Y-you asked...”
“Yes, and why aren’t you answering me?”
“I...”
“Nichkhun, I want to be understanding. I don’t want to lash out on you because maybe you had a good reason to leave the hotel room, even though I told you not to.”
“Hyung... I...” Nichkhun felt his heart sinking. He actually wanted Taecyeon to yell at him and punch him. It was much worse when Taecyeon was frustrated but he kept it all in, with composure.
“You, what? What happened? Did something go wrong? Did you have to tell me something? Did you see something? What is it?” Rather than anger, Nichkhun noticed there was pain and concern in Taecyeon’s eyes. That made him feel all the more guilty.
“Hyung... I’m so sorry...” Nichkhun mumbled. He looked downcast, towards the floor, with so much guilt and shame on his shoulders. Nichkhun felt so horrible for making his beloved half-brother, his hyung, the person he was separated apart for 15 years, feel so hurt and betrayed. Taecyeon approached him, gently putting his hands on Nichkhun’s shoulders.
“Khunnie-ya... Why did you do it?” Taecyeon asked in a whisper. It was barely audible, and the mask that Taecyeon had been wearing of anger and frustration disintegrated within that one whisper. It was filled with heartache and fear. “Why did you do it?” he asked again, shaking Nichkhun’s shoulders lightly.
“I don’t know, hyung,” Nichkhun said meekly. He couldn’t face Taecyeon’s gaze without wanting to start crying. Taecyeon knew that too. Nichkhun could feel a shudder from his step-brother, and then his fingers digging into Nichkhun’s shoulders. A teardrop landed on Nichkhun’s foot and then he realized Taecyeon was beginning to cry.
“Promise me you won’t do that again. Promise me you won’t ever scare me like that. Promise me you won’t leave me like that. Ever. I was so scared, Nichkhun. I called you and you didn’t pick up so I thought you had gotten hurt. And then I came back to check the hotel room, and you weren’t even here...”
“Taecyeon hyung...”
“I thought I lost you... I had the same feelings coming back to me as if it was 15 years ago...” Taecyeon let out a stuttering sigh and more teardrops kept falling down his cheeks. “I thought I was never going to see you ever again...” Taecyeon lifted Nichkhun’s chin up. Nichkhun’s eyes were glassy but Nichkhun’s eyes couldn’t even compare to Taecyeon’s. His hazelnut diamonds were crumpled up with misery and melancholic love, compelling Nichkhun to tear up. Taecyeon’s eyes always spoke to Nichkhun more than his words-- and Nichkhun started shedding tears. He hugged Taecyeon and held him tight.
“Hyung, I’m so sorry...” Nichkhun breathed.
“I... I saw you with Chansung. So for a while, I thought it was okay. And then when I looked back in his direction again, you were gone. You gave me a heart attack, Nichkhun, my god. I searched for you. I came back to the room... and waited. I can wait. I’m patient. But not with the doubts floating around in my head... is he hurt? Is he going to be okay? Terrifying scenarios splayed out in my head... All I could think was that it was my fault... That I couldn’t protect you. I felt so guilty for not protecting you...”
“Taec, just stop. Punch me,” Nichkhun pleaded. He couldn’t bear to hear Taecyeon say another word anymore.
“Why did you do it?” he whispered again.
“Hyung, I just... I didn’t think it through... I didn’t know that it would bother you this much...”
“Exactly. That’s why you didn’t listen to me,” Taecyeon cried. “You don’t understand. You wouldn’t understand. That’s why you don’t see the consequences. You don’t see them until it happens to you and then you become afraid... 15 years of consequences, Nichkhun. Did you think I didn’t know? Did you think I wouldn’t understand? I do, I really do.” Tears were streaming down his cheeks and he wiped them away.
Nichkhun was bewildered at what Taecyeon was talking about. Taecyeon was basically talking in code now, referring to things as consequences and nothing more specific than that. Taecyeon sighed. He hated being specific about these things. He couldn’t put it into words because they hurt. But it wasn’t any easier to show it either. In fact that was much harder, but if Nichkhun never knew, then he would never learn. Or he would learn, but he’d have to learn it the hard way like Taecyeon did... Taecyeon took off his sports jacket and unfastened his tie.
“Taecyeon... what are you doing?” Nichkhun was utterly confused at the sight of his half-brother taking off his clothes. Taecyeon just gulped and stared at no point in particular, while he began to unbutton his shirt. And then he closed his eyes and turned around when he came down to the last button and then slowly slid off his shirt. And that’s when Nichkhun saw it. And covered his mouth in shock. Hot tears blurred his vision for a second... “H-h-hyung...”
There as a twinge of sadness that engulfed Nichkhun entirely and he couldn’t stop his tears from rolling down his cheeks anymore. An agonizing pain squeezed Nichkhun’s heart so much with absolute guilt and shame. It was his fault. Nichkhun sobbed as he walked towards Taecyeon’s back. There were multitudes of scars, some darker than others, some fresher than others. Scars that withheld so much untold torment and torture. Devastating bruises and cuts peppered across his back. Red, blue, black, and purple. Unsmooth. Nichkhun ran his fingers over some of the scars, weeping uncontrollably. The deep gashes that never recovered, the craters and dips and grooves that sliced into skin. The burns. The pain and agony Taecyeon suffered through. 15 years worth of crying, blood, and hatred. This is what it amounted to on Taecyeon’s back. Nichkhun could only imagine the throbbing heart break Taecyeon managed to cope with every day for 15 years. No, he couldn’t even imagine it at all. “I... I’m... so... sorry,” Nichkhun choked.
Taecyeon wept silently. He could only hear Nichkhun cry and that was enough to make him weep endlessly. He could feel Nichkhun’s hands tracing the scars and bruises. Nichkhun placed a kiss on the nape of Taecyeon’s neck and then pulled him into a back hug, resting his cheek on Taecyeon’s back, while crying. “Why...” Nichkhun lamented. “Why would would they do this...”
There was silence between the two of them, except for the choking cries that echoed in the air. “Because,” Taecyeon began with a sob, “because I’m Ok Taecyeon. And I’m the son of the worst bastard in the world. And because everyone hates him, they hate me, so they come and attack me.”
“No...” Nichkhun whimpered. He wrapped his arms around Taecyeon’s torso even tighter.
“Will you believe me now?” Taecyeon sucked in air. His face was drenched, soaked to the bone.
“Hyung, I always believed you...” Taecyeon felt some relief flooding back into his mind at Nichkhun’s words... but suddenly, Nichkhun’s arms loosened and slipped away. Why was he letting go right now? What was wrong? And just as fast as the relief came into his heart, it vanished, fading with cold emptiness to replace it. “Taecyeon hyung... in reality... you can’t... you can’t always be there to protect me...” Taecyeon turned around, to see Nichkhun stepping away. “One day... you just have to let me go... And... that day has come to pass... You should have let me go a long time ago.” Nichkhun murmured. Taecyeon’s mouth opened to say something, but no sound came out. Instead his face crumpled up as he gulped. He was so confused. Why... was Nichkhun separating himself from Taecyeon?
“The reason I’m saying this... is because... I can’t promise you anything... and you can’t either...”
The last sentence pierced Taecyeon’s heart, like several knives stabbing, puncturing, and then twisting it even further with the last 4 words. And you can’t either. He was shaken, and he no longer willed to stand anymore. Taecyeon didn’t want to believe it. No. He promised to protect Nichkhun for every single minute for the rest of his life. He made this promise with Nichkhun before they were apart. He gasped and stumbled over to the bed. Nichkhun just stood there, staring at his feet, crying. He didn’t even bother helping Taecyeon. Taecyeon’s entire life, served to protect his step-brother... came down, crumbling, and disintegrating into pieces with just one sentence. And it wasn’t even from their father. It was from his step-brother himself, Nichkhun.
With every last ounce of energy, Taecyeon stared at Nichkhun. Taecyeon’s eyes were swollen red, and his lips tasted like salty tears. The tears still kept running down his face. Out of all the physically painful beatings he had ever gotten out of anyone, this one was by far the worst... “Nichkhun...”
Nichkhun didn’t even look up. He started walking towards the door when Taecyeon’s hand grabbed his wrist. “I told you to let me go... You have to understand me, Taecyeon. I can’t promise you anything,” Nichkhun cried without making eye contact. “I can’t promise you that I’ll stay every single time you tell me to. I can’t promise I’ll be where you want me to be when you come back... I can’t promise those things. I have to establish that fact before it happens in the future... I’m so sorry, hyung...”
Nichkhun didn’t even have to resist against Taecyeon’s strong grip because Taecyeon let go of him on his own. That made Nichkhun want to cry even more so he rushed out of the hotel room quickly. Taecyeon heard the door slam shut as stared at his hands and... then he just sobbed. He couldn’t see anymore, with the hot tears blinding his vision. So utterly broken and lost, having lost the one sole purpose of his life. The one sole person he was devoted to. The one sole person he loved the most. And the one sole person who was his step-brother. The one sole person named Nichkhun. Taecyeon had lost him. Maybe even forever.
The promise that Taecyeon had made to Nichkhun when they were younger wasn’t just any promise. It was a promise sworn by the two step-brothers. And the thing was, Taecyeon swore his heart that he’d protect Nichkhun. And it didn’t end there. Nichkhun swore it too, that he’d protect Taecyeon with all his life. And Nichkhun had failed. The result of it was written all over Taecyeon’s back...
* * *
11:47pm. MJ: Chansung.
11:48pm. MJ: Chansung, are you there?
Chansung woke up with a startle from his vibrating phone. He was in his hotel room, catching a small nap. He clicked on the screen and saw the two texts from Minjun.
11:49pm. CS: I’m here. What’s wrong?
11:51pm. CS: Hello?
11:53pm. MJ: 2 & a half hrs ago there was
11:54pm. MJ: near-death accident with car & gun
Chansung eyes widened.
11:56pm. CS: are you ok?
11:57pm. MJ: Not me. Junho.
11:57pm. CS: is he ok???
11:58pm. MJ: Think so. He kept insisting he was fine.
11:59pm. CS: Why did you wait until now? The evidence might be gone...
12:02am. MJ: Didn’t want to bother Junho...
12:03am. CS: location?
12:05am. MJ: parking lot by the entrance
12:06am. MJ: nearest to our hotel wing
12:07am. CS: Ok. Will go check it out now.
12:08am. MJ: Be careful.
12:09am. CS: Take care of Junho. Give him a kiss or something. ^^
12:10am. MJ: Don’t tell me what to do.
Chansung smiled a little and headed out of his room. He entered the elevator and suddenly felt worried about Taecyeon and Nichkhun. Earlier, Taecyeon was frantic about looking for Nichkhun and then later texted that Nichkhun had finally came back at around 11pm. Hopefully, everything went well for them....
12:15am. CS: did everything go okay?
12:20am. TY: no.
12:21am. TY: where are you?
Chansung exited the elevator and straightened his watch when he looked back at his phone to see Taecyeon’s two texts. Oh no, did something go wrong? He almost wanted to turn back and check on Taecyeon.
12:23am. CS: heading out to parking lot.
12:24am. CS: want to meet me there?
12:26am. TY: k.
That’s when he ran into a crying and distraught Nichkhun. Nichkhun looked extremely distracted and upset, Chansung wanted to give him a hug...
“Hyung, what’s wrong...?” Chansung asked.
Nichkhun looked up and was about to say something but then he frowned. “I don’t know Chansung. How about you explain to me how you know Taecyeon?” There was a bit of anger in Nichkhun’s tone.
“I know Taec because I work for your father and--” Chansung stopped. He had revealed too much.
Nichkhun glared at him. “Right. So you work for Minjun and my dad. Tell me how, in any case, that’s not even a little suspicious.”
“Nichkhun...”
“I don’t know who you’re spying on... if Taecyeon knows about this, he’d be upset. He really trusts you...” Even more than he trusts me, Nichkhun had almost said. And then he pushed Chansung out of the way and stomped out of the hotel.
“Nichkhun, wait!” Chansung called out. But Nichkhun had vanished into the darkness past the doors of the hotel... What in the world was that about? Chansung shook his head in confusion. That couldn’t have been the argument Nichkhun and Taecyeon had. Why would they even argue about him? It wouldn’t have made sense...
Even so, he hated having to handle so many alter egos... The Chansung Minjun and Junho knew, the Chansung Taecyeon’s father knew, the Chansung Taecyeon knew, the Chansung Wooyoung knew, the Chansung Nichkhun knew... there were just too much to handle. Every single person knew bits and pieces of him, but he couldn’t reveal everything to anyone. One person would know 1 fact about him and another person would know a different fact... It was always scattered like that and he always had to live with secrets...
But it was true. Minjun had hired Chansung 6 years ago to work for him and spy on Taecyeon’s family, but only for the purpose of trying to get Nichkhun back to Korea. Once he almost got caught, so to avoid any accidental meetups in the future, Chansung persuaded his way into working with Taecyeon’s father. His father actually had no need for him because he had plenty of others working for him, so he assigned Chansung to be Taecyeon’s bodyguard. But Taecyeon didn’t like that his father was trying to control him so he told Chansung to back off. Eventually, Chansung helped Taecyeon out as a friend multiple times throughout the years, so Chansung and Taecyeon became close friends. Unfortunately though, he never revealed to Taecyeon that he was also spying on his father, and decided he’d have to tell Taecyeon at a later time...
20 minutes passed as Chansung looked around the parking lot. He was looking for a bullet, but with the darkness and lack of light, it would be hard to look for it... Minjun had called him and told him about what Wooyoung told him-- those being on the blacklist and such. Chansung grimaced at the idea, seeing how Taecyeon’s father was getting a grip now and working his way through, killing those who stood in his way. He obviously started off with the weaker ones-- the parents of Ji Eun, Taecyeon and Nichkhun. And then went up the ladder and was currently working to get Junho and Wooyoung. Minjun didn’t say who was next but Chansung figured it was probably... Minjun himself. And then who knows.
At least, Chansung knew exactly how the bullet looked like. He had fought several of the gunmen employed under Taecyeon’s father. They all carried specialized guns armed with specific bullets. Each bullet had an engraving of a wine bottle, signifying his company-- Taecyeon’s father owned hundreds of wineries across the globe and if there was anything in the world he would fall in love with and marry, it was wine. That much, Chansung understood. He laughed at how stupid it was. You would think that a gang leader would be really careful with how he dealt with people and made sure he left no trace behind... but Taecyeon’s father was too full of himself and marked everything with that small wine bottle...
Chansung rubbed the back of his neck. What was most concerning about this, was the fact that the gunman had almost hit Junho. The gunmen trained under Taecyeon’s father were exceptionally precise, so they never had to use more than one shot to kill someone... So the fact that the killer had almost hit Junho was either... extremely pure luck or something went wrong with the operation.
“Chansung?” Chansung looked up to see Taecyeon approaching him.
“Hey, hyung.”
“Are you looking for something?”
“Yes...” Chansung was about to explain what he was looking for, but when he stared at Taecyeon closely, he couldn’t form words anymore. Taecyeon looked completely devastated and inevitably lost. “Hyung... what happened?”
“Never mind that.”
“I saw Nichkhun.” Taecyeon looked away from Chansung after hearing those stinging and burning words. His eyes were starting to water. “Taecyeon, let’s sit down and talk.”
“No, I’ll help you look for what you need to look for.”
“No, we’re going to sit down and you’re going to talk to me.” Chansung dragged Taecyeon to a bench and forced him to sit down. “Okay, talk.”
“Nothing happened.”
“This is the first time you’ve lied to me.”
Taecyeon gulped and the first tear drop rolled down his cheek. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Honestly, there’s no reason to hold it in. If you need help, tell me. I can help you. If you need me to get Nichkhun back, I will go get him,” Chansung offered with a gentle voice. He put his arm around Taecyeon’s shoulders.
“No, you can’t do that.”
“Why not...”
“Nichkhun walked out on me.”
“What?”
“He said I should stop protecting him because I should have let him go a long time ago...” Taecyeon could feel the tears drenching his cheeks again.
“Hyung, why would he say that...”
“He said... it was because he couldn’t promise me anything... so because of that, I shouldn’t promise him anything in return...” Taecyeon couldn’t hold it in anymore and started to cry. Chansung pulled Taecyeon closer into a hug. It was so hurtful to see such a strong man like Taecyeon break down in front of him...
“Hyung, I’m sure he’ll be fine... He’s related to you right?”
“Yes, but what does that have anything to do with this crap?”
“Well you’re strong so he’s strong too. Everything will be okay,” Chansung said with a reassuring smile.
“That’s the stupidest logic I’ve ever heard,” Taecyeon said, while slapping Chansung’s head. He wiped his tears and realized that he couldn’t hide the small smile forming on his face. Chansung really knew how to make him feel better. “Yah, you didn’t even let me have a full sob session...”
“Sorry hyung, but you look really ugly when you cry...” Chansung got another slap across his head with some laughter. “Besides, most guys don’t even cry...” Chansung received a punch on his shoulder and he yelped, making Taecyeon laugh some more. “And hyung, not only that--”
“Okay Chansung! I get it, I’ll stop crying...” Taecyeon said with a grin. He gave Chansung a light shove.
“Hyung you should let me finish, it was about to get real good.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay go for it.”
“I was going to say, if you’re always crying and running after a guy like that, no girl is going to want you...” And then Chansung found himself on the ground with a hard shove and Taecyeon was laughing.
“Stop saying those things, Chansung!” Taecyeon was embarrassed but was still wearing a bright grin. Chansung smirked.
“Hyung are you sure it’s not incest--”
“HWANG CHANSUNG I need to put duct tape on that mouth--”
“But seriously, if someone were to see you, they’d think you’re madly in love with--”
“HWANG CHANSUNG STOP--”
“But hyung--”
And then Taecyeon tackled Chansung, legs and arms flying all over the place. Aftering rolling around, Taecyeon was finally straddling Chansung with Chansung’s wrists in his hands. And then he stopped. He realized how intimate their touches became and how close he was to Chansung lips. Their eyes were locked in a stare, and suddenly Taecyeon noticed how... pretty Chansung’s eyes were and started to blush...
“Hyung...” Chansung breathed.
“W-what...”
“How does it feel?” Chansung whispered.
“It feels--” fucking good. Taecyeon was almost going to say it but he immediately got off of Chansung. “It feels wrong... I’m so sorry.”
Chansung looked disappointed but hid his emotions away quickly and got up. There was some silence between the both of them for several minutes and then Chansung broke the silence. “I’m looking for a bullet.”
“What?”
“It has a wine bottle on it.”
“No... that doesn’t make sense...”
“What? What do you mean?”
“I saw a gunman earlier.”
“When?”
“Around 9pm. I’m pretty sure I took his gun away...”
“Did you get hurt?”
“Does it look like I got hurt? I would say the gunman got hurt.... some of his bones snapped...”
“What happened?”
“He was on an operation to kill someone, Chansung. I needed to know who it was.”
“You thought it would be Nichkhun...” Chansung realized outloud. Taecyeon nodded. “But it turned out someone else... So you let him go?!”
“I confiscated his gun and I thought his broken bones served a sufficient lesson to drop the operation.”
“Broken bones and missing gun or not, he almost killed someone anyway!!” Chansung exclaimed. Taecyeon was about to say something but Chansung cut him off. “Hyung, you let Nichkhun get to the better of your rationality. Did it ever occur to you that he might’ve had a second gun? You immediately let him go after finding out his target wasn’t Nichkhun, not even making sure of all the possibilities...”
“Chansung...”
“You were trying to protect Nichkhun but do you even realize what you just did? You endangered him even more than to begin with. I bet you even mentioned Nichkhun’s name to the killer. Now the gunman’s alive and still killing people, and now that he knows Nichkhun’s back, he’s probably already told your dad.”
“Oh my god...” Taecyeon felt his heart jolt at Chansung’s words. It pained and ached even more, to know that Chansung was right. Nichkhun was threatened now... He could have another panic attack...
“Let’s go look for Nichkhun. We’ll split up-- I’ll go down south on this street, and you can go north. Call if anything happens,” Chansung said. The both of them nodded to each other and split ways. Taecyeon headed to his car as he slipped his fingers through his hair and blew out some air. What have I done...? He would never forgive himself for this... but then again, that’s what he always said to himself whenever something bad happened. And he could only hope Nichkhun was safe and sound...
* * *
Characters: Nichkhun, Taecyeon, Chansung, Minjun, Junho
Rating: PG-13 (caution: suggestive scenes and ideas)
Word count: 7,117
Author’s note: Hope this turned out okay! I actually wanted some real conflict to happen... also, I tried avoiding fluff because I already had enough of it in the previous chapter... Um, later on in this chapter, I use abbreviations. MJ is Minjun, CS is Chansung, and TY is Taecyeon. Anyways, this turned out a little longer than I thought lol... Enjoy! :D
6.23.13-6.26.13
Chapter 6
Nichkhun gripped the bullet in his hand so tightly that his knuckles were deathly white and his fingers were turning red and slightly purple from cutting off his own blood circulation. He couldn’t contain his anger. His father was on this property, shooting and killing people. Nichkhun couldn’t believe it. It didn’t matter if his father was the actual murderer, but he knew his father was the one who ordered it. Why did I have to be related to this abomination of a father?! He was now inside the hotel and he stepped into the elevator. Nichkhun tried to maintain his anger now, in case people were watching. He checked his watch. 10:55pm.
He might have ran into his step-brother at this point, so he took the longer hall and walked briskly. He didn’t want to run, otherwise that would have attracted too much attention. Every single second passed, and Nichkhun was getting discombobulated with his emotions. Fuming anger because of his father but also fear that Taecyeon would find out that he had left the room... No, that wouldn’t happen, Nichkhun reassured himself. He would get back in time and strip off his clothes and run into the bathroom to start showering. Then his half-brother would arrive on time and promptly at 11pm calling out, “Nichkhun?” and he’d yell that he was in the shower and everything would be fine. Nichkhun stuffed the bullet in his pant pocket, deciding that he’d leave that issue behind for a little while and come back to it later.
Nichkhun reached his hotel room and searched his pockets for the keys, suddenly panicking at the idea that perhaps he had left that inside the room as well... but then he found it in his backpocket. Nichkhun fumbled with the keys before finally inserting it into the keyhole. His fingers were shaking and refused to work with him. Finally with a twist and a steady click, the door opened and Nichkhun edged into the room carefully. The clock on the wall indicated it was 10:58pm. Nichkhun looked around the room carefully but there was no sign of Taecyeon... with a sigh of relief, he loosened his tie. He tossed the tie onto the bed when he suddenly heard the floor of the room creak.
“Where the hell have you been?”
Shit.Taecyeon was back. He spun around and met the gaze of his step-brother. Suddenly Taecyeon seemed really tall and frightening... “H-hyung...”
Taecyeon stepped closer to Nichkhun, breathing slowly with anger. It was clear that he was upset. But more so than anything, he realized Taecyeon looked extremely disheveled. Even though he looked upset, he talked calmly, like as if not letting any of his bolts and screws come off loose. “Nichkhun, what did I say?”
“Y-you asked...”
“Yes, and why aren’t you answering me?”
“I...”
“Nichkhun, I want to be understanding. I don’t want to lash out on you because maybe you had a good reason to leave the hotel room, even though I told you not to.”
“Hyung... I...” Nichkhun felt his heart sinking. He actually wanted Taecyeon to yell at him and punch him. It was much worse when Taecyeon was frustrated but he kept it all in, with composure.
“You, what? What happened? Did something go wrong? Did you have to tell me something? Did you see something? What is it?” Rather than anger, Nichkhun noticed there was pain and concern in Taecyeon’s eyes. That made him feel all the more guilty.
“Hyung... I’m so sorry...” Nichkhun mumbled. He looked downcast, towards the floor, with so much guilt and shame on his shoulders. Nichkhun felt so horrible for making his beloved half-brother, his hyung, the person he was separated apart for 15 years, feel so hurt and betrayed. Taecyeon approached him, gently putting his hands on Nichkhun’s shoulders.
“Khunnie-ya... Why did you do it?” Taecyeon asked in a whisper. It was barely audible, and the mask that Taecyeon had been wearing of anger and frustration disintegrated within that one whisper. It was filled with heartache and fear. “Why did you do it?” he asked again, shaking Nichkhun’s shoulders lightly.
“I don’t know, hyung,” Nichkhun said meekly. He couldn’t face Taecyeon’s gaze without wanting to start crying. Taecyeon knew that too. Nichkhun could feel a shudder from his step-brother, and then his fingers digging into Nichkhun’s shoulders. A teardrop landed on Nichkhun’s foot and then he realized Taecyeon was beginning to cry.
“Promise me you won’t do that again. Promise me you won’t ever scare me like that. Promise me you won’t leave me like that. Ever. I was so scared, Nichkhun. I called you and you didn’t pick up so I thought you had gotten hurt. And then I came back to check the hotel room, and you weren’t even here...”
“Taecyeon hyung...”
“I thought I lost you... I had the same feelings coming back to me as if it was 15 years ago...” Taecyeon let out a stuttering sigh and more teardrops kept falling down his cheeks. “I thought I was never going to see you ever again...” Taecyeon lifted Nichkhun’s chin up. Nichkhun’s eyes were glassy but Nichkhun’s eyes couldn’t even compare to Taecyeon’s. His hazelnut diamonds were crumpled up with misery and melancholic love, compelling Nichkhun to tear up. Taecyeon’s eyes always spoke to Nichkhun more than his words-- and Nichkhun started shedding tears. He hugged Taecyeon and held him tight.
“Hyung, I’m so sorry...” Nichkhun breathed.
“I... I saw you with Chansung. So for a while, I thought it was okay. And then when I looked back in his direction again, you were gone. You gave me a heart attack, Nichkhun, my god. I searched for you. I came back to the room... and waited. I can wait. I’m patient. But not with the doubts floating around in my head... is he hurt? Is he going to be okay? Terrifying scenarios splayed out in my head... All I could think was that it was my fault... That I couldn’t protect you. I felt so guilty for not protecting you...”
“Taec, just stop. Punch me,” Nichkhun pleaded. He couldn’t bear to hear Taecyeon say another word anymore.
“Why did you do it?” he whispered again.
“Hyung, I just... I didn’t think it through... I didn’t know that it would bother you this much...”
“Exactly. That’s why you didn’t listen to me,” Taecyeon cried. “You don’t understand. You wouldn’t understand. That’s why you don’t see the consequences. You don’t see them until it happens to you and then you become afraid... 15 years of consequences, Nichkhun. Did you think I didn’t know? Did you think I wouldn’t understand? I do, I really do.” Tears were streaming down his cheeks and he wiped them away.
Nichkhun was bewildered at what Taecyeon was talking about. Taecyeon was basically talking in code now, referring to things as consequences and nothing more specific than that. Taecyeon sighed. He hated being specific about these things. He couldn’t put it into words because they hurt. But it wasn’t any easier to show it either. In fact that was much harder, but if Nichkhun never knew, then he would never learn. Or he would learn, but he’d have to learn it the hard way like Taecyeon did... Taecyeon took off his sports jacket and unfastened his tie.
“Taecyeon... what are you doing?” Nichkhun was utterly confused at the sight of his half-brother taking off his clothes. Taecyeon just gulped and stared at no point in particular, while he began to unbutton his shirt. And then he closed his eyes and turned around when he came down to the last button and then slowly slid off his shirt. And that’s when Nichkhun saw it. And covered his mouth in shock. Hot tears blurred his vision for a second... “H-h-hyung...”
There as a twinge of sadness that engulfed Nichkhun entirely and he couldn’t stop his tears from rolling down his cheeks anymore. An agonizing pain squeezed Nichkhun’s heart so much with absolute guilt and shame. It was his fault. Nichkhun sobbed as he walked towards Taecyeon’s back. There were multitudes of scars, some darker than others, some fresher than others. Scars that withheld so much untold torment and torture. Devastating bruises and cuts peppered across his back. Red, blue, black, and purple. Unsmooth. Nichkhun ran his fingers over some of the scars, weeping uncontrollably. The deep gashes that never recovered, the craters and dips and grooves that sliced into skin. The burns. The pain and agony Taecyeon suffered through. 15 years worth of crying, blood, and hatred. This is what it amounted to on Taecyeon’s back. Nichkhun could only imagine the throbbing heart break Taecyeon managed to cope with every day for 15 years. No, he couldn’t even imagine it at all. “I... I’m... so... sorry,” Nichkhun choked.
Taecyeon wept silently. He could only hear Nichkhun cry and that was enough to make him weep endlessly. He could feel Nichkhun’s hands tracing the scars and bruises. Nichkhun placed a kiss on the nape of Taecyeon’s neck and then pulled him into a back hug, resting his cheek on Taecyeon’s back, while crying. “Why...” Nichkhun lamented. “Why would would they do this...”
There was silence between the two of them, except for the choking cries that echoed in the air. “Because,” Taecyeon began with a sob, “because I’m Ok Taecyeon. And I’m the son of the worst bastard in the world. And because everyone hates him, they hate me, so they come and attack me.”
“No...” Nichkhun whimpered. He wrapped his arms around Taecyeon’s torso even tighter.
“Will you believe me now?” Taecyeon sucked in air. His face was drenched, soaked to the bone.
“Hyung, I always believed you...” Taecyeon felt some relief flooding back into his mind at Nichkhun’s words... but suddenly, Nichkhun’s arms loosened and slipped away. Why was he letting go right now? What was wrong? And just as fast as the relief came into his heart, it vanished, fading with cold emptiness to replace it. “Taecyeon hyung... in reality... you can’t... you can’t always be there to protect me...” Taecyeon turned around, to see Nichkhun stepping away. “One day... you just have to let me go... And... that day has come to pass... You should have let me go a long time ago.” Nichkhun murmured. Taecyeon’s mouth opened to say something, but no sound came out. Instead his face crumpled up as he gulped. He was so confused. Why... was Nichkhun separating himself from Taecyeon?
“The reason I’m saying this... is because... I can’t promise you anything... and you can’t either...”
The last sentence pierced Taecyeon’s heart, like several knives stabbing, puncturing, and then twisting it even further with the last 4 words. And you can’t either. He was shaken, and he no longer willed to stand anymore. Taecyeon didn’t want to believe it. No. He promised to protect Nichkhun for every single minute for the rest of his life. He made this promise with Nichkhun before they were apart. He gasped and stumbled over to the bed. Nichkhun just stood there, staring at his feet, crying. He didn’t even bother helping Taecyeon. Taecyeon’s entire life, served to protect his step-brother... came down, crumbling, and disintegrating into pieces with just one sentence. And it wasn’t even from their father. It was from his step-brother himself, Nichkhun.
With every last ounce of energy, Taecyeon stared at Nichkhun. Taecyeon’s eyes were swollen red, and his lips tasted like salty tears. The tears still kept running down his face. Out of all the physically painful beatings he had ever gotten out of anyone, this one was by far the worst... “Nichkhun...”
Nichkhun didn’t even look up. He started walking towards the door when Taecyeon’s hand grabbed his wrist. “I told you to let me go... You have to understand me, Taecyeon. I can’t promise you anything,” Nichkhun cried without making eye contact. “I can’t promise you that I’ll stay every single time you tell me to. I can’t promise I’ll be where you want me to be when you come back... I can’t promise those things. I have to establish that fact before it happens in the future... I’m so sorry, hyung...”
Nichkhun didn’t even have to resist against Taecyeon’s strong grip because Taecyeon let go of him on his own. That made Nichkhun want to cry even more so he rushed out of the hotel room quickly. Taecyeon heard the door slam shut as stared at his hands and... then he just sobbed. He couldn’t see anymore, with the hot tears blinding his vision. So utterly broken and lost, having lost the one sole purpose of his life. The one sole person he was devoted to. The one sole person he loved the most. And the one sole person who was his step-brother. The one sole person named Nichkhun. Taecyeon had lost him. Maybe even forever.
The promise that Taecyeon had made to Nichkhun when they were younger wasn’t just any promise. It was a promise sworn by the two step-brothers. And the thing was, Taecyeon swore his heart that he’d protect Nichkhun. And it didn’t end there. Nichkhun swore it too, that he’d protect Taecyeon with all his life. And Nichkhun had failed. The result of it was written all over Taecyeon’s back...
* * *
11:47pm. MJ: Chansung.
11:48pm. MJ: Chansung, are you there?
Chansung woke up with a startle from his vibrating phone. He was in his hotel room, catching a small nap. He clicked on the screen and saw the two texts from Minjun.
11:49pm. CS: I’m here. What’s wrong?
11:51pm. CS: Hello?
11:53pm. MJ: 2 & a half hrs ago there was
11:54pm. MJ: near-death accident with car & gun
Chansung eyes widened.
11:56pm. CS: are you ok?
11:57pm. MJ: Not me. Junho.
11:57pm. CS: is he ok???
11:58pm. MJ: Think so. He kept insisting he was fine.
11:59pm. CS: Why did you wait until now? The evidence might be gone...
12:02am. MJ: Didn’t want to bother Junho...
12:03am. CS: location?
12:05am. MJ: parking lot by the entrance
12:06am. MJ: nearest to our hotel wing
12:07am. CS: Ok. Will go check it out now.
12:08am. MJ: Be careful.
12:09am. CS: Take care of Junho. Give him a kiss or something. ^^
12:10am. MJ: Don’t tell me what to do.
Chansung smiled a little and headed out of his room. He entered the elevator and suddenly felt worried about Taecyeon and Nichkhun. Earlier, Taecyeon was frantic about looking for Nichkhun and then later texted that Nichkhun had finally came back at around 11pm. Hopefully, everything went well for them....
12:15am. CS: did everything go okay?
12:20am. TY: no.
12:21am. TY: where are you?
Chansung exited the elevator and straightened his watch when he looked back at his phone to see Taecyeon’s two texts. Oh no, did something go wrong? He almost wanted to turn back and check on Taecyeon.
12:23am. CS: heading out to parking lot.
12:24am. CS: want to meet me there?
12:26am. TY: k.
That’s when he ran into a crying and distraught Nichkhun. Nichkhun looked extremely distracted and upset, Chansung wanted to give him a hug...
“Hyung, what’s wrong...?” Chansung asked.
Nichkhun looked up and was about to say something but then he frowned. “I don’t know Chansung. How about you explain to me how you know Taecyeon?” There was a bit of anger in Nichkhun’s tone.
“I know Taec because I work for your father and--” Chansung stopped. He had revealed too much.
Nichkhun glared at him. “Right. So you work for Minjun and my dad. Tell me how, in any case, that’s not even a little suspicious.”
“Nichkhun...”
“I don’t know who you’re spying on... if Taecyeon knows about this, he’d be upset. He really trusts you...” Even more than he trusts me, Nichkhun had almost said. And then he pushed Chansung out of the way and stomped out of the hotel.
“Nichkhun, wait!” Chansung called out. But Nichkhun had vanished into the darkness past the doors of the hotel... What in the world was that about? Chansung shook his head in confusion. That couldn’t have been the argument Nichkhun and Taecyeon had. Why would they even argue about him? It wouldn’t have made sense...
Even so, he hated having to handle so many alter egos... The Chansung Minjun and Junho knew, the Chansung Taecyeon’s father knew, the Chansung Taecyeon knew, the Chansung Wooyoung knew, the Chansung Nichkhun knew... there were just too much to handle. Every single person knew bits and pieces of him, but he couldn’t reveal everything to anyone. One person would know 1 fact about him and another person would know a different fact... It was always scattered like that and he always had to live with secrets...
But it was true. Minjun had hired Chansung 6 years ago to work for him and spy on Taecyeon’s family, but only for the purpose of trying to get Nichkhun back to Korea. Once he almost got caught, so to avoid any accidental meetups in the future, Chansung persuaded his way into working with Taecyeon’s father. His father actually had no need for him because he had plenty of others working for him, so he assigned Chansung to be Taecyeon’s bodyguard. But Taecyeon didn’t like that his father was trying to control him so he told Chansung to back off. Eventually, Chansung helped Taecyeon out as a friend multiple times throughout the years, so Chansung and Taecyeon became close friends. Unfortunately though, he never revealed to Taecyeon that he was also spying on his father, and decided he’d have to tell Taecyeon at a later time...
20 minutes passed as Chansung looked around the parking lot. He was looking for a bullet, but with the darkness and lack of light, it would be hard to look for it... Minjun had called him and told him about what Wooyoung told him-- those being on the blacklist and such. Chansung grimaced at the idea, seeing how Taecyeon’s father was getting a grip now and working his way through, killing those who stood in his way. He obviously started off with the weaker ones-- the parents of Ji Eun, Taecyeon and Nichkhun. And then went up the ladder and was currently working to get Junho and Wooyoung. Minjun didn’t say who was next but Chansung figured it was probably... Minjun himself. And then who knows.
At least, Chansung knew exactly how the bullet looked like. He had fought several of the gunmen employed under Taecyeon’s father. They all carried specialized guns armed with specific bullets. Each bullet had an engraving of a wine bottle, signifying his company-- Taecyeon’s father owned hundreds of wineries across the globe and if there was anything in the world he would fall in love with and marry, it was wine. That much, Chansung understood. He laughed at how stupid it was. You would think that a gang leader would be really careful with how he dealt with people and made sure he left no trace behind... but Taecyeon’s father was too full of himself and marked everything with that small wine bottle...
Chansung rubbed the back of his neck. What was most concerning about this, was the fact that the gunman had almost hit Junho. The gunmen trained under Taecyeon’s father were exceptionally precise, so they never had to use more than one shot to kill someone... So the fact that the killer had almost hit Junho was either... extremely pure luck or something went wrong with the operation.
“Chansung?” Chansung looked up to see Taecyeon approaching him.
“Hey, hyung.”
“Are you looking for something?”
“Yes...” Chansung was about to explain what he was looking for, but when he stared at Taecyeon closely, he couldn’t form words anymore. Taecyeon looked completely devastated and inevitably lost. “Hyung... what happened?”
“Never mind that.”
“I saw Nichkhun.” Taecyeon looked away from Chansung after hearing those stinging and burning words. His eyes were starting to water. “Taecyeon, let’s sit down and talk.”
“No, I’ll help you look for what you need to look for.”
“No, we’re going to sit down and you’re going to talk to me.” Chansung dragged Taecyeon to a bench and forced him to sit down. “Okay, talk.”
“Nothing happened.”
“This is the first time you’ve lied to me.”
Taecyeon gulped and the first tear drop rolled down his cheek. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Honestly, there’s no reason to hold it in. If you need help, tell me. I can help you. If you need me to get Nichkhun back, I will go get him,” Chansung offered with a gentle voice. He put his arm around Taecyeon’s shoulders.
“No, you can’t do that.”
“Why not...”
“Nichkhun walked out on me.”
“What?”
“He said I should stop protecting him because I should have let him go a long time ago...” Taecyeon could feel the tears drenching his cheeks again.
“Hyung, why would he say that...”
“He said... it was because he couldn’t promise me anything... so because of that, I shouldn’t promise him anything in return...” Taecyeon couldn’t hold it in anymore and started to cry. Chansung pulled Taecyeon closer into a hug. It was so hurtful to see such a strong man like Taecyeon break down in front of him...
“Hyung, I’m sure he’ll be fine... He’s related to you right?”
“Yes, but what does that have anything to do with this crap?”
“Well you’re strong so he’s strong too. Everything will be okay,” Chansung said with a reassuring smile.
“That’s the stupidest logic I’ve ever heard,” Taecyeon said, while slapping Chansung’s head. He wiped his tears and realized that he couldn’t hide the small smile forming on his face. Chansung really knew how to make him feel better. “Yah, you didn’t even let me have a full sob session...”
“Sorry hyung, but you look really ugly when you cry...” Chansung got another slap across his head with some laughter. “Besides, most guys don’t even cry...” Chansung received a punch on his shoulder and he yelped, making Taecyeon laugh some more. “And hyung, not only that--”
“Okay Chansung! I get it, I’ll stop crying...” Taecyeon said with a grin. He gave Chansung a light shove.
“Hyung you should let me finish, it was about to get real good.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay go for it.”
“I was going to say, if you’re always crying and running after a guy like that, no girl is going to want you...” And then Chansung found himself on the ground with a hard shove and Taecyeon was laughing.
“Stop saying those things, Chansung!” Taecyeon was embarrassed but was still wearing a bright grin. Chansung smirked.
“Hyung are you sure it’s not incest--”
“HWANG CHANSUNG I need to put duct tape on that mouth--”
“But seriously, if someone were to see you, they’d think you’re madly in love with--”
“HWANG CHANSUNG STOP--”
“But hyung--”
And then Taecyeon tackled Chansung, legs and arms flying all over the place. Aftering rolling around, Taecyeon was finally straddling Chansung with Chansung’s wrists in his hands. And then he stopped. He realized how intimate their touches became and how close he was to Chansung lips. Their eyes were locked in a stare, and suddenly Taecyeon noticed how... pretty Chansung’s eyes were and started to blush...
“Hyung...” Chansung breathed.
“W-what...”
“How does it feel?” Chansung whispered.
“It feels--” fucking good. Taecyeon was almost going to say it but he immediately got off of Chansung. “It feels wrong... I’m so sorry.”
Chansung looked disappointed but hid his emotions away quickly and got up. There was some silence between the both of them for several minutes and then Chansung broke the silence. “I’m looking for a bullet.”
“What?”
“It has a wine bottle on it.”
“No... that doesn’t make sense...”
“What? What do you mean?”
“I saw a gunman earlier.”
“When?”
“Around 9pm. I’m pretty sure I took his gun away...”
“Did you get hurt?”
“Does it look like I got hurt? I would say the gunman got hurt.... some of his bones snapped...”
“What happened?”
“He was on an operation to kill someone, Chansung. I needed to know who it was.”
“You thought it would be Nichkhun...” Chansung realized outloud. Taecyeon nodded. “But it turned out someone else... So you let him go?!”
“I confiscated his gun and I thought his broken bones served a sufficient lesson to drop the operation.”
“Broken bones and missing gun or not, he almost killed someone anyway!!” Chansung exclaimed. Taecyeon was about to say something but Chansung cut him off. “Hyung, you let Nichkhun get to the better of your rationality. Did it ever occur to you that he might’ve had a second gun? You immediately let him go after finding out his target wasn’t Nichkhun, not even making sure of all the possibilities...”
“Chansung...”
“You were trying to protect Nichkhun but do you even realize what you just did? You endangered him even more than to begin with. I bet you even mentioned Nichkhun’s name to the killer. Now the gunman’s alive and still killing people, and now that he knows Nichkhun’s back, he’s probably already told your dad.”
“Oh my god...” Taecyeon felt his heart jolt at Chansung’s words. It pained and ached even more, to know that Chansung was right. Nichkhun was threatened now... He could have another panic attack...
“Let’s go look for Nichkhun. We’ll split up-- I’ll go down south on this street, and you can go north. Call if anything happens,” Chansung said. The both of them nodded to each other and split ways. Taecyeon headed to his car as he slipped his fingers through his hair and blew out some air. What have I done...? He would never forgive himself for this... but then again, that’s what he always said to himself whenever something bad happened. And he could only hope Nichkhun was safe and sound...
* * *