(no subject)
What I'm thinking of today is the way there are patterns in what I do and think. And that not my original intention makes an action of mine morally acceptable or not, but that it remains the action itself which is acceptable or not.
Let me explain, at the example of how I have often treated women I desired. In the past, I have usually thought of myself as an honest lover. But now I found out that there is a pattern in my flirting, courting and lovemaking that is decidedly evil.
Here is something what I often found true: a "good" person wants to make his or her lover good also. A "bad" person wants to make his or her lover bad also. A lover wants his or her other to be the same. The way this happened is varied. A drug addict might want his lover a drug addict also. An artist might want to see artistic qualities in his lover too.
Of course this isn't universally true. Perhaps this is not even true most of the times. But I believe it is a tendency of many people during the time when they are less experienced in loving. At least for me, it required substancial achievements of maturity to see. There may very well be many other people who understood this much earlier than I did. And I am definetly convinced of partnerships where this issue has been resolved completely. But only for qualities that cannot be defined as a morally good thing or not. For example, it means nothing or only little when one lover has an interest in gardening while the other loves to visit galleries of art. People can arrange themselves. But it is always a problem when one person lives by virtues, and the other does not at all. Although I'd have to wonder how such people would come to get together at all. It would question the seriousness of their "good" or "evil" ambitions.
Of course, in real life you would be hard pressed to find someone who literally embodies good or evil. It's less about good and evil but more about good and bad. In that constellation a good person would be someone who met the tests of life to a sufficient degree. He or she would know the value of standing in for themselves, for respecting the other. The bad person would have failed a number of these tests, and would start acting negatively, like blaming the other for something he cannot be faulted with, or he or she would start wanting to pull the other down with them into misery or depression, or whatever other state of being he or she experiences as a result of their failure.
I was complacent. I did not say what I did wrong. Instead, I made a seemingly objective text as if I were a teacher of morality. I think the jewish talmud says somewhere not rebuke others with a blemish I have myself. These are wisdom in a similar vein as Christ's saying about the mote in the eye of the brother, and the beam in one's own. The wisdom that says, begin always with yourself, except in loving perhaps, no, not perhaps, this counts for everything. Life as I hope most of us experience, begins with appreciating yourself first anyway. You are carried in the body of another first for 8 months. You begin your life under the careful eyes of your mother. Your parents provide food, shelter, and for any other material need you might have. Your father rescues you from nasty people. You're easily forgiven as a child.
I've had all of this. I still have some of this. So why should I insist on gratifying myself first in relationships while I could gratify others first easily?
Something in my friendships has often bugged me. It was that it seemed that I would always be the one to initiate something, in already existing friendships. My best friend callmeal almost never calls me on his own, for example. When I call him we have a good time. We rarely have trouble with each other. When I ask him to come over with his wife, and he has time and doesn't need recovery from his demanding job, he usually does come over. There is nothing wrong with our friendship except one thing: I have to go come asking, instead of him at least calling sometimes and asking what's up with me, how am I doing and so on.
I used to be irritated about this. But now, in this new light of understanding that I can be demanded to gratify others first, I have a new idea. Could it not very well might be that I have been purposely created by my Father God to be a blessing to others? One of those who help others without regards to a self that has already been provided with anyone it lacks? Did I not see the immense honor of this? If there are people that have been created to be helped .. what would that mean for them except misery? But maybe they have other unique abilities, such as knowing how to feel the joy of being thankful? I don't mean a thankfulness in the sense of like adoring helpers, though that might happen too. But it would be extremely arrogant and selfish to expect people to pay back what God thinks of as a right of them to receive. No, what I meant is relief, and if they are religious, the knowing relief that God cares for them too, via people that have been made with the purpose of serving others.
Let me explain, at the example of how I have often treated women I desired. In the past, I have usually thought of myself as an honest lover. But now I found out that there is a pattern in my flirting, courting and lovemaking that is decidedly evil.
Here is something what I often found true: a "good" person wants to make his or her lover good also. A "bad" person wants to make his or her lover bad also. A lover wants his or her other to be the same. The way this happened is varied. A drug addict might want his lover a drug addict also. An artist might want to see artistic qualities in his lover too.
Of course this isn't universally true. Perhaps this is not even true most of the times. But I believe it is a tendency of many people during the time when they are less experienced in loving. At least for me, it required substancial achievements of maturity to see. There may very well be many other people who understood this much earlier than I did. And I am definetly convinced of partnerships where this issue has been resolved completely. But only for qualities that cannot be defined as a morally good thing or not. For example, it means nothing or only little when one lover has an interest in gardening while the other loves to visit galleries of art. People can arrange themselves. But it is always a problem when one person lives by virtues, and the other does not at all. Although I'd have to wonder how such people would come to get together at all. It would question the seriousness of their "good" or "evil" ambitions.
Of course, in real life you would be hard pressed to find someone who literally embodies good or evil. It's less about good and evil but more about good and bad. In that constellation a good person would be someone who met the tests of life to a sufficient degree. He or she would know the value of standing in for themselves, for respecting the other. The bad person would have failed a number of these tests, and would start acting negatively, like blaming the other for something he cannot be faulted with, or he or she would start wanting to pull the other down with them into misery or depression, or whatever other state of being he or she experiences as a result of their failure.
I was complacent. I did not say what I did wrong. Instead, I made a seemingly objective text as if I were a teacher of morality. I think the jewish talmud says somewhere not rebuke others with a blemish I have myself. These are wisdom in a similar vein as Christ's saying about the mote in the eye of the brother, and the beam in one's own. The wisdom that says, begin always with yourself, except in loving perhaps, no, not perhaps, this counts for everything. Life as I hope most of us experience, begins with appreciating yourself first anyway. You are carried in the body of another first for 8 months. You begin your life under the careful eyes of your mother. Your parents provide food, shelter, and for any other material need you might have. Your father rescues you from nasty people. You're easily forgiven as a child.
I've had all of this. I still have some of this. So why should I insist on gratifying myself first in relationships while I could gratify others first easily?
Something in my friendships has often bugged me. It was that it seemed that I would always be the one to initiate something, in already existing friendships. My best friend callmeal almost never calls me on his own, for example. When I call him we have a good time. We rarely have trouble with each other. When I ask him to come over with his wife, and he has time and doesn't need recovery from his demanding job, he usually does come over. There is nothing wrong with our friendship except one thing: I have to go come asking, instead of him at least calling sometimes and asking what's up with me, how am I doing and so on.
I used to be irritated about this. But now, in this new light of understanding that I can be demanded to gratify others first, I have a new idea. Could it not very well might be that I have been purposely created by my Father God to be a blessing to others? One of those who help others without regards to a self that has already been provided with anyone it lacks? Did I not see the immense honor of this? If there are people that have been created to be helped .. what would that mean for them except misery? But maybe they have other unique abilities, such as knowing how to feel the joy of being thankful? I don't mean a thankfulness in the sense of like adoring helpers, though that might happen too. But it would be extremely arrogant and selfish to expect people to pay back what God thinks of as a right of them to receive. No, what I meant is relief, and if they are religious, the knowing relief that God cares for them too, via people that have been made with the purpose of serving others.