hell yeah

[tadpole]

ok, i have made up my mind, in the next month, i need, not want, but NEED to do something that i will not only remember for the rest of my life, but look back upon and smile with pride. I need to be able to say, yeah, i did that, that was me. i don't know what that is yet, but i'm confident that i can do it. look at what i've done in the past month. my trip was awesome, i came back with more confidence, and i have the drive i've been lacking for a long time. I've been talking to women, actually making moves, becoming a man. True they have not all turned out as i would have hoped, but it's not the desitnation, it's the journey. that's why i've waited this long in the first place. it is not the act, but the circumstances which define the action, meaning all actions. I'm not looking to find the love of my life, win the lotto, hell, i don't even care if my action returns any type of monetary profit. wheter this event turns out to be music related, job related, or even dealings with the oposite sex, i feel i have the drive to do whatever i want, and whatever will make me happy.

I know this is quite a change from the depression i've been feeling lately, but it is not of inspite of this recent condition, but because of it that i have this drive. i refuse to let some of the best years of my life slip by. i am gunna be as happy as possible, and i will not let any significant amount of time pass with negative feelings more than has to be. I have no idea if that even makes sense, but i don't care right now.
Damn it, i'm taking control of my life, and i'm gunna live the way i know i can, and everybody around me is gunna fucking love it.