no sé
I don't know anymore.
I had a lot of energy to record a week or two ago, but they were songs I had written for my ex, and most of my other stuff is very difficult to do one take at a time. I got frustrated and stopped.
Work is draining, like always.
I still can't really find a job. I had an interview with the boy scouts of America. It was for an entry level position that paid 60k a year. The position was called district executive. The job requires gaining new members, adult volunteers, and raising money. I did very well in the interview. I "passed" the personality. My interviewer said I got an "A" on the personality test that no one can fool. But the job involves working 60-80hrs a week, nights and weekends. Considering I don't really have a life started, I didn't really think throwing my life away for a fair amount of money was really worth it. It's not a job I really want to do, and I have no dependents and I'm paying my bills right now, so I'm in no need to get a job like that. My mother had a friend who did that job for a few years. She said that he only saw friends and family if they attended a scout function, visiting him at work.
I applied for a job in Franklin that is full-time. It doesn't require a college degree. I have a friend that works there that said she is going to help me. She said they are going to hire for 300 new positions. It's for a healthcare company answering phones from 9-5 Monday through Friday. The job pays 32k a year plus benefits. I told my friend Anna K about this job, and she has been hired and starts in March. I have yet to hear back from them. In her interview, she forgot what the word ambition meant. If I can get in the door, I know I could convince them, as well as any employer, that I'm a candidate worth hiring.
I'm working out again. I'm trying to put back on some muscle mass before I start up with jiu jitsu again. I eat all the damn time. I've cut down my drinking considerably. I was frequently buying handles of whiskey, but now I don't.
I did finish recording one of the songs I wrote for my ex. I feel like I should give her that song because it's hers, but part of me wants to do that because I have this weird, romanticized image of her in my head. That she would try harder a second time, make me feel wanted. It's been driving me crazy. When we were together, for the last 2/3 of our relationship, I think I stuck around because I wanted her to want me more, and for no other reason other than her looks did I stick around. She is a fairly shallow person. She is obsessed with what other people think of her, especially other men despite the fact that we were together. She likes to people watch and judge who she is watching. And she is dishonest to many people. She is also academically dishonest. And she can't even manage to make straight A's by having all the tests beforehand.
It was a good idea for me to get out. But even figuring all that out hasn't helped much. I don't know why. I've spoken with people about this frequently, that around the age of 23 we are at our physical and sexual peak. Last year I tore my rotator cuff, an injury that many professionals and injured people claim that will never fully heal. I rehabilitated to 100% recovery. I'm not a genetic freak. I think 10 or 15 years down the road, my body wouldn't be able to do that. I feel that many of the women I'm around that are close to my age (For the love of God not the high school girls. I see a big difference now in young women and girls, as well as between young men and boys) are oozing with sexuality. But this feeling doesn't dissipate. My appetites and hunger for carnal knowledge are not curbed no matter what I do. Even taking various attractive strangers home for a night from the Pond doesn't seem to help at all. I think it's just my own biological clock telling me this is the time to make babies, healthy kick-ass babies.
I think that is part of the reason why that I still have some weird notions about my ex. Couple my unquenchable desire for sex with my limitless energy for romance and you have me. I want to love someone more than anything in the world, and while I know you can't force it, it still creates attachments that are difficult for me to break. I'm a lover. I want to love someone more than I want to change, or make my mark on, the world. People cast me into categories like musician, drummer, and fighter, but those are things that I do. They aren't necessarily me.
Wow, that was a lot for not knowing what to write.
I had a lot of energy to record a week or two ago, but they were songs I had written for my ex, and most of my other stuff is very difficult to do one take at a time. I got frustrated and stopped.
Work is draining, like always.
I still can't really find a job. I had an interview with the boy scouts of America. It was for an entry level position that paid 60k a year. The position was called district executive. The job requires gaining new members, adult volunteers, and raising money. I did very well in the interview. I "passed" the personality. My interviewer said I got an "A" on the personality test that no one can fool. But the job involves working 60-80hrs a week, nights and weekends. Considering I don't really have a life started, I didn't really think throwing my life away for a fair amount of money was really worth it. It's not a job I really want to do, and I have no dependents and I'm paying my bills right now, so I'm in no need to get a job like that. My mother had a friend who did that job for a few years. She said that he only saw friends and family if they attended a scout function, visiting him at work.
I applied for a job in Franklin that is full-time. It doesn't require a college degree. I have a friend that works there that said she is going to help me. She said they are going to hire for 300 new positions. It's for a healthcare company answering phones from 9-5 Monday through Friday. The job pays 32k a year plus benefits. I told my friend Anna K about this job, and she has been hired and starts in March. I have yet to hear back from them. In her interview, she forgot what the word ambition meant. If I can get in the door, I know I could convince them, as well as any employer, that I'm a candidate worth hiring.
I'm working out again. I'm trying to put back on some muscle mass before I start up with jiu jitsu again. I eat all the damn time. I've cut down my drinking considerably. I was frequently buying handles of whiskey, but now I don't.
I did finish recording one of the songs I wrote for my ex. I feel like I should give her that song because it's hers, but part of me wants to do that because I have this weird, romanticized image of her in my head. That she would try harder a second time, make me feel wanted. It's been driving me crazy. When we were together, for the last 2/3 of our relationship, I think I stuck around because I wanted her to want me more, and for no other reason other than her looks did I stick around. She is a fairly shallow person. She is obsessed with what other people think of her, especially other men despite the fact that we were together. She likes to people watch and judge who she is watching. And she is dishonest to many people. She is also academically dishonest. And she can't even manage to make straight A's by having all the tests beforehand.
It was a good idea for me to get out. But even figuring all that out hasn't helped much. I don't know why. I've spoken with people about this frequently, that around the age of 23 we are at our physical and sexual peak. Last year I tore my rotator cuff, an injury that many professionals and injured people claim that will never fully heal. I rehabilitated to 100% recovery. I'm not a genetic freak. I think 10 or 15 years down the road, my body wouldn't be able to do that. I feel that many of the women I'm around that are close to my age (For the love of God not the high school girls. I see a big difference now in young women and girls, as well as between young men and boys) are oozing with sexuality. But this feeling doesn't dissipate. My appetites and hunger for carnal knowledge are not curbed no matter what I do. Even taking various attractive strangers home for a night from the Pond doesn't seem to help at all. I think it's just my own biological clock telling me this is the time to make babies, healthy kick-ass babies.
I think that is part of the reason why that I still have some weird notions about my ex. Couple my unquenchable desire for sex with my limitless energy for romance and you have me. I want to love someone more than anything in the world, and while I know you can't force it, it still creates attachments that are difficult for me to break. I'm a lover. I want to love someone more than I want to change, or make my mark on, the world. People cast me into categories like musician, drummer, and fighter, but those are things that I do. They aren't necessarily me.
Wow, that was a lot for not knowing what to write.