The Hazards of Gyming
Years ago, my business partner suggested that I get a membership at the Tower Club. I’d be gyming with an exclusive circle that included very important clients .
I saved our company hundreds of thousands of pesos as I opted for my old, old gym. But someone please save me from such characters:
A 52-year-old Hag whose life revolves around the gym:
Hag: Iho namukhaan kita. Nasa cover ka ng magazine.
Me: Industry magazine lang po yan. Adobo.
Hag: Ah….Adobe? Interesado ka ba sa lupa sa Tagaytay? (note the lack of subtlety)
Me: Meron na po ako, sa may Canyonwoods.
Hag: Ay, panget dyan! Masmaganda yung binebenta ko!
Me: Saan po yun?
Hag: Sa may Talisay, pababa ng ridge.
Me: Mainit po dun at balita ko po maraming langaw dun. (the witch meets the bitch).
In the parking lot, out of nowhere, an emaciated gay person whose dated fashion ensemble included a pair of black Reeboks, and whose facial features resembled that of a lizard, calls out to me, without introducing himself:
Lizard: Hoy, Do you eat whole wheat bread?
Me: Huh? Yes.
Lizard: I’m selling. (and just like Jesus, produces three loaves from nowhere). Nag-susupply ako sa mga hotel dito sa Makati. I have extra. You want? P140 lang.
Me: I’ll get what you have now. I’m Melvin by the way.
Lizard: And I’m….( I forget the gay lizard’s name).
A Personal Trainer with fake hazel eyes:
Fake Eyes: Sir, may protein whey ka na ba?
Me: Oo, pero bihira ako uminom. Nagkakarashes ako dun.
Fake Eyes: Eh di mag Creatine ka sir. Meron akong binebenta. Mas-lalaki ang katawan mo.
Me: Di ako pwede, masama ang creatine sa kidneys. Nagka-kidney problem ako dati. At ayoko magpalaki ng katawan.
Fake Eyes: Ay, ok. Sir, renew naman kayo sa personal training mo. Buy one take one…
Another Personal Trainer:
Trainer 2: Sir, balita ko naghahanap ka raw ng lupa sa Tagaytay. Meron akong binebenta, mura lang.
Me: Ha? Hindi ako naghahanap. Meron na ako.
Trainer 2: Ser, Ponderosa po! Ang ganda dun!
Yet another PT:
Trainer 3: Ser, may liga kami basketball. Baka gusto nyong mag contribute….ilalagay namin logo ng kumpanya nyo sa bandang pwet ng shorts namin. Para visible! Asteeg!
And the selling goes on. Wala ba dyan alajera??
I saved our company hundreds of thousands of pesos as I opted for my old, old gym. But someone please save me from such characters:
A 52-year-old Hag whose life revolves around the gym:
Hag: Iho namukhaan kita. Nasa cover ka ng magazine.
Me: Industry magazine lang po yan. Adobo.
Hag: Ah….Adobe? Interesado ka ba sa lupa sa Tagaytay? (note the lack of subtlety)
Me: Meron na po ako, sa may Canyonwoods.
Hag: Ay, panget dyan! Masmaganda yung binebenta ko!
Me: Saan po yun?
Hag: Sa may Talisay, pababa ng ridge.
Me: Mainit po dun at balita ko po maraming langaw dun. (the witch meets the bitch).
In the parking lot, out of nowhere, an emaciated gay person whose dated fashion ensemble included a pair of black Reeboks, and whose facial features resembled that of a lizard, calls out to me, without introducing himself:
Lizard: Hoy, Do you eat whole wheat bread?
Me: Huh? Yes.
Lizard: I’m selling. (and just like Jesus, produces three loaves from nowhere). Nag-susupply ako sa mga hotel dito sa Makati. I have extra. You want? P140 lang.
Me: I’ll get what you have now. I’m Melvin by the way.
Lizard: And I’m….( I forget the gay lizard’s name).
A Personal Trainer with fake hazel eyes:
Fake Eyes: Sir, may protein whey ka na ba?
Me: Oo, pero bihira ako uminom. Nagkakarashes ako dun.
Fake Eyes: Eh di mag Creatine ka sir. Meron akong binebenta. Mas-lalaki ang katawan mo.
Me: Di ako pwede, masama ang creatine sa kidneys. Nagka-kidney problem ako dati. At ayoko magpalaki ng katawan.
Fake Eyes: Ay, ok. Sir, renew naman kayo sa personal training mo. Buy one take one…
Another Personal Trainer:
Trainer 2: Sir, balita ko naghahanap ka raw ng lupa sa Tagaytay. Meron akong binebenta, mura lang.
Me: Ha? Hindi ako naghahanap. Meron na ako.
Trainer 2: Ser, Ponderosa po! Ang ganda dun!
Yet another PT:
Trainer 3: Ser, may liga kami basketball. Baka gusto nyong mag contribute….ilalagay namin logo ng kumpanya nyo sa bandang pwet ng shorts namin. Para visible! Asteeg!
And the selling goes on. Wala ba dyan alajera??