Putting up with the Ritz
April 24, 2006
The staff was very courteous but that’s Balinese hospitality. The food was excellent but that’s Balinese cuisine. The Ritz Carlton Bali may be grand, with a magnificent open structure that takes in a spectacular view of the Indian Ocean but it is not the luxurious hotel that it proclaims itself to be.
On my first night, I thought the hotel was haunted as I heard footsteps on the ceiling and chairs being dragged across the other room. It was only when I opened the mini bar and its doors groaned that I realized the construction materials were either paper thin or substandard. There was absolutely no room for passionate lovemaking for noisy Japanese girls, the ones you hear in home-made porn.
Their broadband connection is as outdated as the Balinese fashion. Their wi-fi signal is as weak as their Darjeeling tea. I had to work on the console table by the door to my room, with my back facing the bathroom, which admittedly is luxurious, with marble walls and intricate Balinese handicraft. But its floors slip under the feet when wet. I almost ended up with my head in the toilet bowl. Surely there is a non-slip chemical for floors and tubs.
In a tropical resort, I understand that it would be impossible to control insects such as flies hovering over the nasi goreng lunch, or a giant moth dying on a cocktail table in front of me as I smoke, its remains lying in state for the remainder of the day (the locals think it’s an incarnate of a loved one). But a baby cockroach feasting on my satay and beef rendang before I do is totally unacceptable!