(no subject)
you know what i've admitted about myself recently?
I'm incredibly self-conscious. It's absolutely awful i don't know what to do about it, because i'm curious too.
being curious + self conscious does not mix well.
I care too much about what people think, and i'm too curious to overlook it when a comment is made that so and so said something. i want to know, and then i find out, and i really didn't want to know.
so let's sum me up in a few pts. : So there's no confusion:
#1- i am self conscious, so just deal with it
#2- I'm curious, established
#3- i'm obnoxious, yes i know it
but
#4- i'm a really nice person. i don't want to be mean to anyone. i dont 'talk shit' about you, and if i feel a need to, ill say it to you straight. at least i've grown up a little bit in that sense.
#5- i really don't understand guys, and i pretend i've got some grand knowledge about how they all work. In truth, i know less about guys than they know about us. so f you have a penis: YOU CONFUSE THE FUCK OUT OF ME.
#6- i am overly emotional. I take things too seriously. i can't help it.
#7- i over-analyze things. is it a coincidence that the word "anal" is in analyze?
#8- if i tell you a secret, please take it as a compliment. There aren't enough people in the world worth trusting, which brings me to my 9th flaw
#9- i am way too trusting. and yes i did day 9th FLAW, being a really nice person at heart (#4), it is a flaw. if you're curious or u dont agree, hey: just ask me to explain further
#10- i lie. i do not lie about you. i do not lie about others, but yea, i will lie about myself. and its not the worst trait when you think about it. think about it in terms of yourself. Do you ever find yourself getting into deeper shit becasue you lied about YOURSELF. Not something anyone else did? you do, don't you. so lets just be clear.
if you dont want to admit something that is the truth, as long as it concerns you and only you, then lying IN THAT SENSE really isnt that bad.
a kind of opposite thing about me is
#11- i hate liars. if you dont want to tell me your whole truth, i understand. But if you tell me with a straight face that boy 'X' said ________________ about situation 'Y' and you are paraphrasing to a point where you change the entire meaning... i just can't stand that.
You don't want to share your buisness with the world, i'm fucking fine with that. but dont manipulate truths about other people.
#12- Walpole is the 9th level of hell. i am more desperate to go to college than any senior right now i swear it.
#13- i honestly believe i will never be happily married: not because men are the work of the devil and there is nobody good enough out there, but because of me, myself, and i. Everything i want in one aspect of my life cancels out everything i want in another aspect, and i'm having a really hard time being happy with just myself. No boy is ever going to fix that. and that's the kind of boy i want. the one that'll make it all better. but he doesn't exist: He can be the most wonderful man in the world... it wont matter how fucking great he is, i promise you i am too difficult for him.
#14- i miss having crushes
#15- i'm afraid of the future
#16- i'm afraid of gettnig hurt (again)
#17- i'm afriad of hurting anybody (again)
and the big one
#18- i'm afraid of life in general. I just want to run away to europe and find some random italian with whom i cannot communicate to do nothing but eat dinner with and make love to. And we wouldnt talk, we'd just know. and there'd be no discuission of marriage, or even of being loyal to each other. We just will be. it'll just be understood. I want to run away and live life without being so god damned scared. bu i'll never be able to do that.
i can succeed in high school. i'm smart enough, i'm athletic enough, and i'm friendly enough, but when it comes to that "real world" thing i sure as hell am not strong enough. i never thought so much before about failing. that 'what if i dont succeed' kind of feeling
so i want high school to end and college to being.
but i might be more afraid of what comes after college than i am of being stuck in high school forever.
You see: this is why you people need to take me out on saturday nights. getting trapped at home makes me reflect and that always turns out pretty bad.
just save me already
I'm incredibly self-conscious. It's absolutely awful i don't know what to do about it, because i'm curious too.
being curious + self conscious does not mix well.
I care too much about what people think, and i'm too curious to overlook it when a comment is made that so and so said something. i want to know, and then i find out, and i really didn't want to know.
so let's sum me up in a few pts. : So there's no confusion:
#1- i am self conscious, so just deal with it
#2- I'm curious, established
#3- i'm obnoxious, yes i know it
but
#4- i'm a really nice person. i don't want to be mean to anyone. i dont 'talk shit' about you, and if i feel a need to, ill say it to you straight. at least i've grown up a little bit in that sense.
#5- i really don't understand guys, and i pretend i've got some grand knowledge about how they all work. In truth, i know less about guys than they know about us. so f you have a penis: YOU CONFUSE THE FUCK OUT OF ME.
#6- i am overly emotional. I take things too seriously. i can't help it.
#7- i over-analyze things. is it a coincidence that the word "anal" is in analyze?
#8- if i tell you a secret, please take it as a compliment. There aren't enough people in the world worth trusting, which brings me to my 9th flaw
#9- i am way too trusting. and yes i did day 9th FLAW, being a really nice person at heart (#4), it is a flaw. if you're curious or u dont agree, hey: just ask me to explain further
#10- i lie. i do not lie about you. i do not lie about others, but yea, i will lie about myself. and its not the worst trait when you think about it. think about it in terms of yourself. Do you ever find yourself getting into deeper shit becasue you lied about YOURSELF. Not something anyone else did? you do, don't you. so lets just be clear.
if you dont want to admit something that is the truth, as long as it concerns you and only you, then lying IN THAT SENSE really isnt that bad.
a kind of opposite thing about me is
#11- i hate liars. if you dont want to tell me your whole truth, i understand. But if you tell me with a straight face that boy 'X' said ________________ about situation 'Y' and you are paraphrasing to a point where you change the entire meaning... i just can't stand that.
You don't want to share your buisness with the world, i'm fucking fine with that. but dont manipulate truths about other people.
#12- Walpole is the 9th level of hell. i am more desperate to go to college than any senior right now i swear it.
#13- i honestly believe i will never be happily married: not because men are the work of the devil and there is nobody good enough out there, but because of me, myself, and i. Everything i want in one aspect of my life cancels out everything i want in another aspect, and i'm having a really hard time being happy with just myself. No boy is ever going to fix that. and that's the kind of boy i want. the one that'll make it all better. but he doesn't exist: He can be the most wonderful man in the world... it wont matter how fucking great he is, i promise you i am too difficult for him.
#14- i miss having crushes
#15- i'm afraid of the future
#16- i'm afraid of gettnig hurt (again)
#17- i'm afriad of hurting anybody (again)
and the big one
#18- i'm afraid of life in general. I just want to run away to europe and find some random italian with whom i cannot communicate to do nothing but eat dinner with and make love to. And we wouldnt talk, we'd just know. and there'd be no discuission of marriage, or even of being loyal to each other. We just will be. it'll just be understood. I want to run away and live life without being so god damned scared. bu i'll never be able to do that.
i can succeed in high school. i'm smart enough, i'm athletic enough, and i'm friendly enough, but when it comes to that "real world" thing i sure as hell am not strong enough. i never thought so much before about failing. that 'what if i dont succeed' kind of feeling
so i want high school to end and college to being.
but i might be more afraid of what comes after college than i am of being stuck in high school forever.
You see: this is why you people need to take me out on saturday nights. getting trapped at home makes me reflect and that always turns out pretty bad.
just save me already