Popping ...
Haven't shown this user pic yet.
hope you like it :-)
wow. I can't believe I haven't posted yet today.
huh.
man.
*shakes head*
The stress.
I don't know why, but I'm stressed.
well, alright when I'm forced to look at reality there's PLENTY of reason to be stressed.
really...
the reason I'm stressed is cause I'm popping.
I can see it.
I read some fan fics last night.
gave me flash backs.
yeah.
...
...
...
she's good.
but, *shakes head* man, that ain't right.
And it wasn't like the old flash backs.
it's like they were suppressed, back in my subconscious.
I felt them.
they were real.
But it was like under the surface.
not like before.
Guess it's a sign that I'm getting better.
I know *shrugs, arms out*
Changing the subject.
Ahhhh! *sighs high pitched tense running hand through hair*
well, I've been wanting to talk about this for some time.
I found the girl I like.
it's just that.
I'm so worried.
I don't want to lose her.
I don't want to screw up.
But at the moment what I'm most worried about is not having her.
haven't been able to talk to her for,
well, for me it feels like forever, but that's how much stuff has been going on for me.
She said that she needed some time off of the computer, to escape Cyber Space for a while.
I totally understand that.
I'm the same way. I thought I was wired like this, and fought against it trying to change myself, be like everyone else; till I met her.
:-)
But, at first I was worried about screwing up. Making some kind of mistake, like I have about at the least 75% of the time, and losing her.
But now I’m worried that I never really had her. That I donno, that she’s playing me for a fool; or something. *shrugs* I donno.
It’s just that I’ve been burned so may times in the past.
By so many people.
Well, by everyone.
Even my own family.
I can’t help but NOT trust her.
I just can’t believe that I have her, and that it’ll last.
*shakes head*
I donno.
I’m just so scared.
So scared.
And on to my third nagging topic, my Niece.
My sister has been having marriage problems, and has therefore been leaving her daughter with us.
Which has left me NO time to do ANYTHING.
And the few moments I do get to myself, I’m plagued with guilt over it.
*Big heavy SIGH!*
So yeah.
...
I know I’m not making any sense tonight.
I guess it’s cause of the PTSD resurfacing, fan fics and all.
You know.
*shrugs looking down and away*
*shakes head “no”*
Well! *sighs loudly, showy, lifting head*
Either way a song/poem popped into my head from the strain of Baby-sitting and all.
Losing my whole life, to help my family.
I’m foregoing a job for my sister.
But yeah.
It goes to the same fast beat of Offspring's - Million Miles Away
Match the beat to
the screaming
veins in my...
match the beat to
the screaming
beat in my...
rapid pulse
racing
raging
through my...
Whole being is exploding
in energy
growling
I’m catching,
threading through tightened clenched veins,
scraping,
for
the oxygen
of escape!
Breath in free fall,
screaming, scraping, ragging,
beating to the rapid,
flying
tempo in my
head,
head,
head,
whole being
Hit!
hope you like it :-)
wow. I can't believe I haven't posted yet today.
huh.
man.
*shakes head*
The stress.
I don't know why, but I'm stressed.
well, alright when I'm forced to look at reality there's PLENTY of reason to be stressed.
really...
the reason I'm stressed is cause I'm popping.
I can see it.
I read some fan fics last night.
gave me flash backs.
yeah.
...
...
...
she's good.
but, *shakes head* man, that ain't right.
And it wasn't like the old flash backs.
it's like they were suppressed, back in my subconscious.
I felt them.
they were real.
But it was like under the surface.
not like before.
Guess it's a sign that I'm getting better.
I know *shrugs, arms out*
Changing the subject.
Ahhhh! *sighs high pitched tense running hand through hair*
well, I've been wanting to talk about this for some time.
I found the girl I like.
it's just that.
I'm so worried.
I don't want to lose her.
I don't want to screw up.
But at the moment what I'm most worried about is not having her.
haven't been able to talk to her for,
well, for me it feels like forever, but that's how much stuff has been going on for me.
She said that she needed some time off of the computer, to escape Cyber Space for a while.
I totally understand that.
I'm the same way. I thought I was wired like this, and fought against it trying to change myself, be like everyone else; till I met her.
:-)
But, at first I was worried about screwing up. Making some kind of mistake, like I have about at the least 75% of the time, and losing her.
But now I’m worried that I never really had her. That I donno, that she’s playing me for a fool; or something. *shrugs* I donno.
It’s just that I’ve been burned so may times in the past.
By so many people.
Well, by everyone.
Even my own family.
I can’t help but NOT trust her.
I just can’t believe that I have her, and that it’ll last.
*shakes head*
I donno.
I’m just so scared.
So scared.
And on to my third nagging topic, my Niece.
My sister has been having marriage problems, and has therefore been leaving her daughter with us.
Which has left me NO time to do ANYTHING.
And the few moments I do get to myself, I’m plagued with guilt over it.
*Big heavy SIGH!*
So yeah.
...
I know I’m not making any sense tonight.
I guess it’s cause of the PTSD resurfacing, fan fics and all.
You know.
*shrugs looking down and away*
*shakes head “no”*
Well! *sighs loudly, showy, lifting head*
Either way a song/poem popped into my head from the strain of Baby-sitting and all.
Losing my whole life, to help my family.
I’m foregoing a job for my sister.
But yeah.
It goes to the same fast beat of Offspring's - Million Miles Away
Match the beat to
the screaming
veins in my...
match the beat to
the screaming
beat in my...
rapid pulse
racing
raging
through my...
Whole being is exploding
in energy
growling
I’m catching,
threading through tightened clenched veins,
scraping,
for
the oxygen
of escape!
Breath in free fall,
screaming, scraping, ragging,
beating to the rapid,
flying
tempo in my
head,
head,
head,
whole being
Hit!