Saints Alive! The Seagulls Aren't Dead Yet!
Well, since I jinxed the Colts last week with my face-painting and blue corn ritual (they lost to the Jets! waaahhhhh!) I thought I'd try to redeem myself by doing another "fan photo-op" this week, but as a (admittedly bandwagon!) fan of the SEATTLE SEAHAWKS!!
The Sea Gulls--as I like to call them because I like to chuckle when I think of their kicker making a field GULL, LOL!--became the first NFL team to get into the playoffs with a losing record this year (not counting the strike year of 1982) with only seven wins and nine losses, and this past Saturday they actually BEAT the defending Super Bowl champion New Orleans Saints to also become the first team with a losing record to ever win a playoff game! And they still have a losing record at 8-9! Hahahaha! My, my, what GULL these guys possess and what an unruly group of UNDER BIRDS they must surely be when they head off to their next game in Chicago against the Bears this Sunday! The prospect of them going to the Super Bowl is just too hilarious and bizarre to ponder, and since I want to have a "dog in the hunt," so to speak, to go along with the BIRDS IN my BeLFRY for the remainder of the play-offs, I've taken to suddenly becoming a SEAGULL FAN FOREVAAAH! (or perhaps just for the next one to four weeks, or more than likely until they get beat by the Bears this Sunday because I've surely jinxed them now!)
Strangely enough, last Friday night, the day before the Seagulls/Saints game, I was at home watching Steven Segal:Lawman on my computer (and I'm not afraid to admit that's what I was doing on a Friday night, I'm a grown man and can do what I want! hahaha!) and a premoniton came to me. I'd actually never seen this show before and it took me awhile to realize that Steven Segal is a deputy sheriff in Jefferson parish of Greater New Orleans, that's where the show takes place, and it was only when he was arresting a group of thugs who had a NEW ORLEANS SAINTS sticker on their windshield that it dawned on me that Steven's last name of Segal sounds a helluva lot like SEAGULL! LOL! And the fact that I was watching him--one day before the Seagulls/Saints game--arresting these New Orleans Saints fans, these thugs who were anything but "Saints," of course, portended to me quite clearly that the SEATTLE SEAGULLS WERE GOING TO KICK THE NEW ORLEAN SAINTS ASSES Saturday, and they did! Who the hell needs Tarot cards and horoscopes when you have Steven Segal:Lawman predicting the future for you, right?
It's funny because I was at work at the porn store just today. A chronic, degenerate masturbator (otherwise known as a "regular" where I work) and I were discussing football and how we both want the Seagulls to win it all now that the Colts' season is over, when another customer came in wanting to buy tokens so he could go back in the video arcade to search for a dick to suck. This customer had one of those respirator thingies attached to his nose, which isn't a big deal, but I noticed he also had a backpack and it is store policy to have customers leave their backpacks behind the counter before they go in the back to masturbate, suck cock, or whatever. So I said to him as he headed towards the arcade, "Sir, you need to leave your backpack behind the counter." The guy then showed me how the tube attached to his nose was actually going into his backpack and that inside his backpack was where he kept his oxygen tank. Of course, I wasn't about to tell him, "Too bad, you have to leave your oxygen tank behind the counter, too!" or anything (lol!), but I did jokingly say to him, "Alright, you can take your backpack back in the arcade as long as you're a SEA GULLS fan. The customer then smiled and his eyes grew wide as he said, "Well I don't know much about football but I am a fan of SEMEN and SEAcock sucking. I guess you could call me a "SEMEN GULL." Hahahahaa! He then laughed and I laughed, too, and said, "Good enough, then!" Hee! Hee!
And speaking of SEA MEN, thinking of all these birds that float about the water compelled me to get out my old Navy uniform and take a picture of myself in it. I hadn't worn it since I was last in the Navy back in 1992. To tell you the truth I didn't even know I still had it until I was cleaning out my closet the other day. Unfortunately, the pants didn't fit me so I had to do this photo-op in my underwear and I hope you don't mind. I personally find it appropriate. If the Seagulls are the UNDER BIRDS it only makes sense that I root for them in my UNDER WEAR, right? I hope you would all agree! Hahahahahaa!
