Storytime with Nathan
Rather than bore you with stories of the present, today I shall bore you with stories of the past!
So, if you've read the FUQ (Frequently Unasked Questions), you're aware that F'n'M, my primary CTY nickname, has a rather sordid etymology. While the event that triggered the nickname was an unfortunate lapse in my ability to keep my mouth shut, it was perhaps inevitable. For, you see, I am a KMF. What's that, you ask? Read on and find out.
In the spring of 1998, I was taking my second semester of music theory, taught by one Jairo Moreno. Jairo is an interesting character, to put it mildly. He's originally from Colombia, and plays a mean Latin jazz bass, but he ostensibly opted for academic respectability when he got his PhD and became a specialist in historical music theory. A casual observer might think that he's just another professor specializing in the history of the sequence in the Italian Baroque, (which is analogous to being, say, the leading scholar on the use of alliteration in Elizabethan poetry) but his students know differently. Jairo himself said, with no small amount of pride, that the best end-of-semester evaluation he ever got was from a student who simply wrote, "Jairo Moreno is a bad motherfucker." How many of your professors can say that?
So, Jairo has a rather colorful vocabulary, and he's not afraid of using it. Back in '98, I didn't know of his reputation, but I learned real fast. One day, he showed us a brief musical example, and commented, "This is a textbook example of the so-called Phyrgian cadence. Also known as the Frigid cadence, because, so much like real life, the soprano, moving up like this, is cold and frigid, while the bass, going down by half-step, is vee-rile." Somewhat corny, actually, (it may not surprise you to hear that there were no girls in this class, though I'm not sure it would have stopped him otherwise) but he was putting on such a good show that I couldn't help but grin. He saw my momentary weakness, and struck, his accent growing thicker by the second. "Oh, you like that, Nathan? Of course you like that! All you beis-tromboneests are keenky mahther-FAHCKERS!"
I was frozen with shock, and all the other students were falling out of their chairs. That was probably the closest I ever came to wetting my pants during class. And Jairo acted as though nothing was out of the ordinary. Once I got over the initial shock, I realized I needed to inform some of my friends in the Wind Symphony and Jazz Ensemble about this development -- it was particular relevant to my fellow bass trombonists, as Jairo's pronouncement applied to us all. Reactions ranged from "He said what?" (by most students) to "Hell yeah!" (by the other bass trombonists), and that single incident did quite a bit to shed my reputation as the tight-assed music geek of both groups. Well, my attempt to dress up as a Vegas showgirl for a Halloween concert also helped, but that's another story entirely.
Six years later, I have yet to really figure out whether Jairo's words were accurate. What does it mean to be a kinky motherfucker? In context, he seemed to be saying I had a dirty mind. Well, I guess that's true -- and like Jairo, I hide my wild side under a veneer of respectability. Back in the summer of '02, a few of us Lancaster staffers got together and made up a list, pairing up well-known staff members to the cast of The Simpsons. I was cast as Barney, despite the fact that he drinks more in one evening than I usually do all year. The reason? Like Barney, I have "an unexpectedly good singing voice," and a wild side that shows through. But when I think about "kinky motherfucker" in the abstract, I think of things like hot wax, whipped cream, or duct tape, and I don't know if that describes me at all. There's definitely a part of me that wants to be a kinky motherfucker, if only so I can keep saying it, and I guess wanting is half the battle. So how did a nice geek like me get to be known as F'n'M? I guess it all boils down to being a KMF.
-TT
So, if you've read the FUQ (Frequently Unasked Questions), you're aware that F'n'M, my primary CTY nickname, has a rather sordid etymology. While the event that triggered the nickname was an unfortunate lapse in my ability to keep my mouth shut, it was perhaps inevitable. For, you see, I am a KMF. What's that, you ask? Read on and find out.
In the spring of 1998, I was taking my second semester of music theory, taught by one Jairo Moreno. Jairo is an interesting character, to put it mildly. He's originally from Colombia, and plays a mean Latin jazz bass, but he ostensibly opted for academic respectability when he got his PhD and became a specialist in historical music theory. A casual observer might think that he's just another professor specializing in the history of the sequence in the Italian Baroque, (which is analogous to being, say, the leading scholar on the use of alliteration in Elizabethan poetry) but his students know differently. Jairo himself said, with no small amount of pride, that the best end-of-semester evaluation he ever got was from a student who simply wrote, "Jairo Moreno is a bad motherfucker." How many of your professors can say that?
So, Jairo has a rather colorful vocabulary, and he's not afraid of using it. Back in '98, I didn't know of his reputation, but I learned real fast. One day, he showed us a brief musical example, and commented, "This is a textbook example of the so-called Phyrgian cadence. Also known as the Frigid cadence, because, so much like real life, the soprano, moving up like this, is cold and frigid, while the bass, going down by half-step, is vee-rile." Somewhat corny, actually, (it may not surprise you to hear that there were no girls in this class, though I'm not sure it would have stopped him otherwise) but he was putting on such a good show that I couldn't help but grin. He saw my momentary weakness, and struck, his accent growing thicker by the second. "Oh, you like that, Nathan? Of course you like that! All you beis-tromboneests are keenky mahther-FAHCKERS!"
I was frozen with shock, and all the other students were falling out of their chairs. That was probably the closest I ever came to wetting my pants during class. And Jairo acted as though nothing was out of the ordinary. Once I got over the initial shock, I realized I needed to inform some of my friends in the Wind Symphony and Jazz Ensemble about this development -- it was particular relevant to my fellow bass trombonists, as Jairo's pronouncement applied to us all. Reactions ranged from "He said what?" (by most students) to "Hell yeah!" (by the other bass trombonists), and that single incident did quite a bit to shed my reputation as the tight-assed music geek of both groups. Well, my attempt to dress up as a Vegas showgirl for a Halloween concert also helped, but that's another story entirely.
Six years later, I have yet to really figure out whether Jairo's words were accurate. What does it mean to be a kinky motherfucker? In context, he seemed to be saying I had a dirty mind. Well, I guess that's true -- and like Jairo, I hide my wild side under a veneer of respectability. Back in the summer of '02, a few of us Lancaster staffers got together and made up a list, pairing up well-known staff members to the cast of The Simpsons. I was cast as Barney, despite the fact that he drinks more in one evening than I usually do all year. The reason? Like Barney, I have "an unexpectedly good singing voice," and a wild side that shows through. But when I think about "kinky motherfucker" in the abstract, I think of things like hot wax, whipped cream, or duct tape, and I don't know if that describes me at all. There's definitely a part of me that wants to be a kinky motherfucker, if only so I can keep saying it, and I guess wanting is half the battle. So how did a nice geek like me get to be known as F'n'M? I guess it all boils down to being a KMF.
-TT