Same Shit, Different Day
I went to Lauren's Softball game today. It was the last game of the season. They won 13 to 2. They finished the season in second place. Brian chased Mike with the water cooler, but ended up getting Coach Josh instead. It was great. The only thing that would have made it better is Chris being there. I just watched him walk home. I feel like a stalker but if I don't see him at some point everyday, I worry about him. Brian said that he seems really depressed and he is having some serious mood swings. I am afraid that he is going to wind up having an anxiety attack. Hopefully after he gets all this shit worked out with work (and I hope that is soon) he will come talk to me. I really miss Cindy. I feel like I am getting on Kelle's nerves. I know she doesn't mind me being there, I just feel like I am in the way sometimes. Cindy's plane lands tomorrow night at 10:30. I am so ready for this weekend. I really want Chris to go with us, but I guess I will have enough fun hanging out with Brian. I am afraid to ask Chris, I need to give him his space. I wish Laci and Scoot weren't going, though. It would be better if it was just the four of us. I am gonna ask Brian to be my designated ride buddy, lol, so that I don't have to worry about Laci being up my ass 24/7. Everybody keeps saying shit about me and Brian hanging out so much together and it is fucking with my head. Oh well, while Cindy is gone, I have nobody else to hang out with except Mike and Kelle. In a week and two days, I am gonna see whats up. It's just so hard to wait. Danielle said that I shouldn't make myself so available to him. I should make him wonder where I am. She said she knows that at some point throughout the day he thinks about me and he should have to wonder where I am at like I do with him. But, I want him to know where I am at so that if he decides that he has something to say, he can come right to me and say it. This is so hard. If he came and saw me every once in a while so that I knew how things were going and I wasn't so worried about him, this would be easier. My mom and Julie think Mark is the solution to all of my problems. They think that he should come over here and I should get in the car and leave with him right in front of Chris but I think that would hurt Chris and make things worse, but then again, if he thinks I am fine and messing with other guys, it might make him come running. I don't know. I don't know what to do. All I know is that I miss him and I want him to come back and give me a chance to show him how much I have changed for him. I mean, it's gonna be hard when things aren;t just like they used to be, him here all of the time, but if it means that I have him, I don't care. I just want him to hold me and tell me that he loves me and that everything is going to be okay and I know it is going to be a while before I hear that. All I can do is bide my time, I guess. Later