Right.
Don't even look at me like you can make things better. Don't stand there and patronize me. That's right. I've decided the best way to learn English is to get better at Spanish. I know what I did and I know why I did it. No one's gonna tell me what's best for me, or best for someone else. You could tell me over and over until you're blue in the fact to go see Jack but shit ain't gonna happen until I decide to do it.
So I got all decked out. That's right. I'm talking red pinstripe suit, yellow tie, black shirt, and huge pimp hat, complete with feather and all. Even shined my fucking Jack shoes. And I went to see him. And all was good. I wasn't surprised. We don't have many troubles when we are together. It's just that I'm never around. Seriously, I figured if I just left him everything'd be better. He'd be happier, life'd go on, things'd be great. I am always wrong though. You think I'd know better by now.
I ignored everything and hoped it'd all go away. Wrong. I thought if I left, he'd move on and find someone better. Which didn't mean for you fuckers to move on in and try to take him. Shit. I guess that's what friends are for eh? But he didn't. I should have known better. I watched. I watched for a long time. I listened when I could. I tried learning. I'm just not so good at learning. Except the alphabet.
See, the difference there is that Jack was willing to take the time to explain the god forsaken English alphabet to me. (Say Z fucker. XD) He'd go through every letter, teach me how to say it, show me how to write it, the whole works. Just like I was a kid and he wanted to see me do good. If only that could have been done when it came to him. If he could just teach me about him, then I wouldn't make so many mistakes right? Right.
So I sucked it up. That's right. The fucking Barerra pride was swallowed and I went back. I wasn't so happy at first. In fact, I wasn't so happy about sitting in a field of grass for hours on end in a hot suit waiting for him at all. A few times I thought about leaving. Yeah, to come all that way and just leave and never even tell him I was there. I could have done that easily. I didn't though. I stuck it out.
He showed up in a kilt. In a kilt and some boots with a necklace around his neck. Me suit, him kilt. That was kind of funny to me. I was cold. I was heartless. All my barriers and defenses were back up. I'd had enough of him telling me I was pathetic, or making me feel like I just wasn't good enough. As soon as he was close enough to hug though, that's exactly what I did. I grabbed him and hugged him and I felt a lot of the ice melting away from me.
I remembered the day at the airport, where I thought I was going to lose him for good. I remember how I about cried the entire time he was talking. My heart actually ached. My lungs hurt from holding my breath in anticipation every time I thought I'd found him. I'd never laughed so hard later on when I realized it had been him telling off some chick in charge of tickets. But all in all I was relieved. I was relieved to have my Jack back in my arms where he belonged.
My scraggly Pumpkin King.
My flamboyant fashion designer.
My deviously dangerous racer.
It doesn't matter what he does in life, the point is he's mine. And I'm his. And I've been his for quite some time. I've been his for longer than even he knows. This was the time of year when we got together first. Then he broke it off and I drifted some. I always wanted him though, and everyone knew it. I still want him, and I think everyone should know that too.
There has never been a man like Jack in my life. There really haven't been a lot of men in my life at all. I do what I can to make him happy but it just doesn't ever seem to work. I'm going to change that though, because I know the first step is to be happy myself. I used to be so fucking carefree. I don't know where the hell that went, but I intend to change it. We don't need to be grownups yet. There's a lot of trouble we haven't gotten into yet.
I wish I still had a few friends around to mess off with. Like Space. Where the hell did you go? If I could even just have him back I think I'd be okay. Maybe Kiku. Anyhow. I can make new friends. It's not so hard. And I can make Jack happy, I know I can.
Just gotta be around to do it.
So I got all decked out. That's right. I'm talking red pinstripe suit, yellow tie, black shirt, and huge pimp hat, complete with feather and all. Even shined my fucking Jack shoes. And I went to see him. And all was good. I wasn't surprised. We don't have many troubles when we are together. It's just that I'm never around. Seriously, I figured if I just left him everything'd be better. He'd be happier, life'd go on, things'd be great. I am always wrong though. You think I'd know better by now.
I ignored everything and hoped it'd all go away. Wrong. I thought if I left, he'd move on and find someone better. Which didn't mean for you fuckers to move on in and try to take him. Shit. I guess that's what friends are for eh? But he didn't. I should have known better. I watched. I watched for a long time. I listened when I could. I tried learning. I'm just not so good at learning. Except the alphabet.
See, the difference there is that Jack was willing to take the time to explain the god forsaken English alphabet to me. (Say Z fucker. XD) He'd go through every letter, teach me how to say it, show me how to write it, the whole works. Just like I was a kid and he wanted to see me do good. If only that could have been done when it came to him. If he could just teach me about him, then I wouldn't make so many mistakes right? Right.
So I sucked it up. That's right. The fucking Barerra pride was swallowed and I went back. I wasn't so happy at first. In fact, I wasn't so happy about sitting in a field of grass for hours on end in a hot suit waiting for him at all. A few times I thought about leaving. Yeah, to come all that way and just leave and never even tell him I was there. I could have done that easily. I didn't though. I stuck it out.
He showed up in a kilt. In a kilt and some boots with a necklace around his neck. Me suit, him kilt. That was kind of funny to me. I was cold. I was heartless. All my barriers and defenses were back up. I'd had enough of him telling me I was pathetic, or making me feel like I just wasn't good enough. As soon as he was close enough to hug though, that's exactly what I did. I grabbed him and hugged him and I felt a lot of the ice melting away from me.
I remembered the day at the airport, where I thought I was going to lose him for good. I remember how I about cried the entire time he was talking. My heart actually ached. My lungs hurt from holding my breath in anticipation every time I thought I'd found him. I'd never laughed so hard later on when I realized it had been him telling off some chick in charge of tickets. But all in all I was relieved. I was relieved to have my Jack back in my arms where he belonged.
My scraggly Pumpkin King.
My flamboyant fashion designer.
My deviously dangerous racer.
It doesn't matter what he does in life, the point is he's mine. And I'm his. And I've been his for quite some time. I've been his for longer than even he knows. This was the time of year when we got together first. Then he broke it off and I drifted some. I always wanted him though, and everyone knew it. I still want him, and I think everyone should know that too.
There has never been a man like Jack in my life. There really haven't been a lot of men in my life at all. I do what I can to make him happy but it just doesn't ever seem to work. I'm going to change that though, because I know the first step is to be happy myself. I used to be so fucking carefree. I don't know where the hell that went, but I intend to change it. We don't need to be grownups yet. There's a lot of trouble we haven't gotten into yet.
I wish I still had a few friends around to mess off with. Like Space. Where the hell did you go? If I could even just have him back I think I'd be okay. Maybe Kiku. Anyhow. I can make new friends. It's not so hard. And I can make Jack happy, I know I can.
Just gotta be around to do it.