(no subject)
I went to my first weekly group therapy this past week - or "newcomers group". I actually went to the same place about a year ago, for the same group, and one of the same counselors still leads it. It's not exactly mandatory as I thought, but it apparently gets you to be able to see a doctor/therapist sooner. I was assigned to someone last year, after my three weeks of that group, but of course shit happened and then I wasn't able to go there anymore.
I've been to group therapy before, so it was nothing new to me. One thing really bothered me though. There were two other people, in their 20's, who mentioned that they were bipolar. A lot of the things that both of them were saying I could really relate to, although they both seemed to be trying to impress - the girl, bragging about writing a novel at age 12 and being overly dramatic to the fullest, about songs she's written that are "so beautiful". The guy kept going on and on and on about not being able to articulate what he was saying, to convey his feelings - when he was actually pretty well-spoken. He seemed like he didn't want to admit that he has problems, but he also seemed arrogant about his "talent" and then even the counselor was talking about how some people call bipolar a gift and a curse. I can understand that, but it really upsets me. It upsets me that bipolar is treated so differently from bpd (in terms of how people react to it and the way it's talked about and portrayed), even though they're both serious mental disorders and they do share quite a few of the same symptoms.
After group, the girl with bipolar was going on and on to the guy about all of the great writers and talented people with bipolar. I didn't mention it but I also wanted to be a writer. Big whoop. I was praised by many people for my writing, including all of my college English professors. I used to have artistic talent and music talent that I just never went any further with because I stopped giving a fuck. I was tested for being "gifted" as a child and I've supposedly got an IQ of around 130. I say supposedly because people wouldn't probably think so, with some of the idiotic things I've done. I didn't come there to brag though, you know? That just really upset me. And then, after I had talked in group about my borderline traits and how I suspected having this illness and how the only feedback I got was the fact that bpd carried the worst stigma of all mental illnesses - I felt fucking alienated or something. The counselor was supposed to give me a number for a women's center or something - because of my situation and all, and in case I ever do need to leave here. He forgot about me, of course, to talk to someone else. I was probably just overreacting again, but I felt stupid, lame and talentless. But that's how I feel 99% of the time. I was basically showing, once again, that my brain and way of thinking at times is obviously abnormal.
I feel a bit silly going on about it because honestly, it's just a label. All of these illnesses, if that's even truly what they are, are hell. But at the same time, it's ridiculous how one "label" is treated much differently than another. I wonder how it became this way.
I've been to group therapy before, so it was nothing new to me. One thing really bothered me though. There were two other people, in their 20's, who mentioned that they were bipolar. A lot of the things that both of them were saying I could really relate to, although they both seemed to be trying to impress - the girl, bragging about writing a novel at age 12 and being overly dramatic to the fullest, about songs she's written that are "so beautiful". The guy kept going on and on and on about not being able to articulate what he was saying, to convey his feelings - when he was actually pretty well-spoken. He seemed like he didn't want to admit that he has problems, but he also seemed arrogant about his "talent" and then even the counselor was talking about how some people call bipolar a gift and a curse. I can understand that, but it really upsets me. It upsets me that bipolar is treated so differently from bpd (in terms of how people react to it and the way it's talked about and portrayed), even though they're both serious mental disorders and they do share quite a few of the same symptoms.
After group, the girl with bipolar was going on and on to the guy about all of the great writers and talented people with bipolar. I didn't mention it but I also wanted to be a writer. Big whoop. I was praised by many people for my writing, including all of my college English professors. I used to have artistic talent and music talent that I just never went any further with because I stopped giving a fuck. I was tested for being "gifted" as a child and I've supposedly got an IQ of around 130. I say supposedly because people wouldn't probably think so, with some of the idiotic things I've done. I didn't come there to brag though, you know? That just really upset me. And then, after I had talked in group about my borderline traits and how I suspected having this illness and how the only feedback I got was the fact that bpd carried the worst stigma of all mental illnesses - I felt fucking alienated or something. The counselor was supposed to give me a number for a women's center or something - because of my situation and all, and in case I ever do need to leave here. He forgot about me, of course, to talk to someone else. I was probably just overreacting again, but I felt stupid, lame and talentless. But that's how I feel 99% of the time. I was basically showing, once again, that my brain and way of thinking at times is obviously abnormal.
I feel a bit silly going on about it because honestly, it's just a label. All of these illnesses, if that's even truly what they are, are hell. But at the same time, it's ridiculous how one "label" is treated much differently than another. I wonder how it became this way.