It reminds me, in just the very faintest way, of how some of us introverts feel about all the advice we get on how to be more successful in a world (and publishing industry) weighted to reward extroverts--and how I feel about the agent thing. I'm not popular.
I mean, obviously the South was rife with inequalities at the time, of which this was one of the least. But I think it fundamentally comes down to power relationships - those in power can take away resources from those who lack it, and so systems form which require the less powerful to be sweet, unthreatening, and flattering. The systems will grow, and become enforceable, to the extent that the power differences allow
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Well, I was relating to it on a very personal level...in the sense of having to adapt to and engage in behavior that's alien and uncomfortable, but expected by my society, in order to be invited to the party.
But I am fascinated by the intro/extro power differences - essentially, whoever is expected to adjust one's behavior in a situation is in the lower power position. And it's never fun to do.
Somebody linked to an interesting study yesterday (that of course now I cannot find) that showed when people were playing music, one person tended to "set the pace" - to pull the other person in to match them. But if both players's environments were altered so that they couldn't hear themselves play, only the other person, no one became dominant, and instead they ended up matching each other.
I wonder if, ironically, extros tend to pay more attention to themselves and what they're saying, and so pull conversations/social interaction more in their direction.
It's not just a question of adjusting your behavior, either; there are parts of grad school that I did better at because I like talking. My field exam was kind of fun, for instance. It was just me talking about what I thought for 90 minutes!
That said, I desperately needed my introvert friends to coach me on what to do when my students wouldn't talk. All that extrovert-rewarding behavior made silent classes feel so freakin' personal. I still tend to feel like I have an obligation to entertain.
At which point I think this ties back to your story: Durr didn't just need to talk "enough", she needed to say the right things the right way. (And I bet the boys didn't think the girls were just "sweet"--I bet they also thought they were manipulative and scheming. Because they were.)
Actually that's a great point - I'm sure they also came off as manipulative and scheming, and that falls neatly into the stereotype about women near the powerful - so manipulative, etc, etc.
I agree re: introversion. I know when I have my extrovert hat on and I end up near someone introverted, I have to make this mental adjustment, because the signals I'm sending out aren't getting beamed back, and it weirds me.
And now I'm wondering whether any of the boys would have preferred outspoken to scheming, and if they knew they weren't allowed to choose that.
Not to play "oh how sad for the boys"--just thinking that control over the girls means the boys can't deviate either. I am certain this is at the heart of a lot of anti-gay/trans violence, that panic over women taking male power or especially men forfeiting it.
"with extros being naturally gregarious, and thus coming into contact with more people, gaining access to more resources as a result, and therefore becoming more central in networks that distribute power/success/etc."
I'm an introvert and I'm gonna say "bingo!" Introverts don't meet much people.
It reminds me, in just the very faintest way, of how some of us introverts feel about all the advice we get on how to be more successful in a world (and publishing industry) weighted to reward extroverts--and how I feel about the agent thing. I'm not popular.
But only in the faintest way.
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Getting killed kind of trumps it all.
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But I am fascinated by the intro/extro power differences - essentially, whoever is expected to adjust one's behavior in a situation is in the lower power position. And it's never fun to do.
Somebody linked to an interesting study yesterday (that of course now I cannot find) that showed when people were playing music, one person tended to "set the pace" - to pull the other person in to match them. But if both players's environments were altered so that they couldn't hear themselves play, only the other person, no one became dominant, and instead they ended up matching each other.
I wonder if, ironically, extros tend to pay more attention to themselves and what they're saying, and so pull conversations/social interaction more in their direction.
Reply
That said, I desperately needed my introvert friends to coach me on what to do when my students wouldn't talk. All that extrovert-rewarding behavior made silent classes feel so freakin' personal. I still tend to feel like I have an obligation to entertain.
At which point I think this ties back to your story: Durr didn't just need to talk "enough", she needed to say the right things the right way. (And I bet the boys didn't think the girls were just "sweet"--I bet they also thought they were manipulative and scheming. Because they were.)
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I agree re: introversion. I know when I have my extrovert hat on and I end up near someone introverted, I have to make this mental adjustment, because the signals I'm sending out aren't getting beamed back, and it weirds me.
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Not to play "oh how sad for the boys"--just thinking that control over the girls means the boys can't deviate either. I am certain this is at the heart of a lot of anti-gay/trans violence, that panic over women taking male power or especially men forfeiting it.
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I'm an introvert and I'm gonna say "bingo!" Introverts don't meet much people.
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